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Author: Ashley Amundson, DBH MS LPCC

Categories
Therapy

Internal Family Systems Therapy

Each human being, despite having only one physical body, has many different faces to their personality. We have multiple sides to us, variable moods, hidden traits that only come out in certain settings. 

If, upon reflection, you don’t already instantly agree, you might think about all the times you feel you are fighting yourself. If a part of you thinks you should get up off the couch and go work out, but another part wants to stay put, you can see already that there are two parts of you at play who apparently want different things.

In fact, this is so much the case for human beings, that psychologists have realized psyches are less like one individual, self-consistent person than they are like a group of people—a motley crew, bound together and related but not always getting along well with each other. 

In truth, put together, all the many sides and aspects of us resemble nothing so much as a family. With all the love, the fighting, power dynamics and the enmeshment with each other, these inner worlds are just like the outer psychological worlds we grow up in. 

Families are full of the same types of interactions that also take place among the different sides of our own natures: shifting alliances, avoidance of problems, in-fighting, blaming and marginalizing, addictions and troubles, as well as longing, heartache, unmet needs, and deep bonds of affection. 

Richard C. Schwartz, who developed the Internal Family Systems Therapy model, discovered that, logically enough, the inner family of parts within us responds to therapy in a very similar way that families do. 

Family Systems Therapy rests on the understanding that when we can create a good enough recognition of the fact that, like it or not, we’re all in this together, and we all need each other to co-create a family system that feels good for all, much can be accomplished and also forgiven.  

Of critical importance is seeing how each family member’s most problematic behavior exists in service to the needs of the whole family. In a very real sense, at the psychological level we do all we do “for the family”, whether we are conscious of it or not. 

Building on the remarkable insight, that inner families can be healed using the same tools that help outer families, Schwartz built his Internal Family System Therapy model into a beautiful library of thought and tools that helps create harmony and understanding among the many sides of us. 

The power of this discovery is hard to emphasize enough: were we to live in harmony within our own selves, we would not live in such a discordant and incoherent outer world. Holding peace, satisfaction, and deep connection internally, actions taken in the outer world would hold that same signature of coherence and beauty. Collectively, we could create a very different world if only we could achieve such a state of inner unity. 

The goal of Internal Family Systems Therapy is inner reunification. In another sense, it is restoration of relationship, the healing of fracture. This is a unification which allows diversity. It is not about forcing any part to subsume to another, it is no inner subjugation, but rather an agreement to co-exist and to co-create as equals. 

This is the cure for all inner and outer pain, to at last give up domination, bloodlust, control, force and exploitation, suppression and otherizing, and simply to share life together, no one having any more value or authority than another. As equals, in recognition and humility that none among us owns life, we are all only human: receivers, players and expressions of life.

This understanding is missing at the outer level of human life, as we all can see.  And what helps both external families and inner ones is the same: to create bridges of dialogue and empathy across all points of view. 

IFS as a system of thought can help us get there, by showing what it is that heals our insides and our outsides, both. What heals is to hold space for unburdening. Unburdening happens when there is true compassionate, curious interest to hear each and every true story. With no dismissal, allowing all truths into the record. 

Where does this all lead? To the understanding that we aren’t any single part of us, just as no other is who they seem to be at the moment. We are all, at any time, only expressions of certain sides and aspects of the shared one psyche we all emanate from. As streams sourcing from the same spring, we have the same essence deep in our natures. In this reflection, we can finally recognize all life as kin. 

Categories
Wellness

Empowerment

Like most words that resonate at the collective level, empowerment has gemstone-like facets.

Those of us who live in a state of disconnection from our own true power feel the loss as pain, even if we don’t realize it. Whenever we are mad or blue about how things are, in resistance to someone or something, we are missing our long-lost power. 

We can wish that someone or something would grant us power, so that we could at last experience it embodied, here and now, within our own beings. Coursing through our veins, available for creation of a world we actually would feel enthusiastic about living in. 

I know my list of wishes is long, and I expect yours is the same. I wish I had the power to… the power to… the power to… Perhaps our love of mythic heroes with transcendental superpowers stems from this longing, to live a life of strength and potency. Amid so much that is not how we would choose it to be, our missing power can break our hearts, give us a gloomy view. 

Contained in the word empowerment is the starting place of having no power. If you already have power, you don’t need to be empowered. Which begs the question, who is it who can empower another? Who actually has the authority?

Some have criticized the word itself for this implied change of state, pointing out that it underscores the myth of power being held not within, but outside of us. 

If before empowerment takes place, I have no power, power must be granted. This is like saying sovereignty does not exist, and that what we need for a life of agency and meaning can only be given to us by those who keep it tucked away from us. 

The trouble with this is that it’s too easy for those who appoint themselves as power-holders, who feel justified to mete out permissions or restrictions, to have actual worldly control. The Great and Terrible Oz rules by our collective permission. How did we get here?

Maybe it’s a good time to remember that empowerment means stepping into one’s pre-existing potential to have and to hold power. More a process of recognition of what is already there, than a transfer from something outside of us, into us. By this way of thinking, empowerment is simply to tap into what is already within us, digging into the earth of ourselves to reach an underground spring. 

When we are not empowered, we feel life happens to us, without consent or choice. This is the victim stance. The victim state is horrible. The victim needs comfort, addictions to avoid her pain. When I have no agency, no influence to secure for myself what I want, what I need to have a good life, then I am in the trauma-spell of disempowerment. Disempowerment as a permanent state will require some measure of chronic pain management for the soul. Good for business, from the point of view of those who profit from human pain. 

Sometimes people think they’re empowering themselves, when in truth they are giving into revenge. The urge is natural in some ways, and we should look out for it. It’s not the power we really want, when we seize our opportunity to dominate and control others. Swinging into the opposite pole, and still externally focused, I get my “power” through tyranny? No. 

Empowerment is the middle place, where I see fully that the outer is the logical manifestation/match to our insides. The world out there is a co-arising mirror, following in the wake of my own movements. 

The waves I experience now, lovely or horrid, are the natural consequences of what was co-created at the collective level in our shared past. If we don’t like it, we can make a different choice now. Sooner or later, the new choices will create a world we prefer. 

When we do this, we meet resistance, the resistance of the clay against the molding & shaping. That doesn’t mean that it’s not the right thing to do. Empowering ourselves is not, necessarily, easier in the short term nor entirely free of suffering. But it is required for the restoration of choice. And choice is key to a truly human life. 

As we all know at some level of our being, the moment of empowerment is like the moment that Glenda the Good Witch reminds Dorothy that she has had the power all along, right there on her own two feet. 

Is that good news or bad news, in your opinion?

Categories
Wellness

How to Love Yourself

How to love yourself is the most important question to answer in this lifetime. 

In some ways, it’s the only question we ever ask. It’s behind everything else we go after or avoid. The drive towards love is our core mechanism. The mantra of our haunted parts is this, on repeat: How can I get love? How can I get love? How can I get love?

If you think that you need an external achievement, you may believe that achieving it will help you experience your own love and self-approval. Would you like yourself more, be nicer to yourself, esteem yourself more if you managed to get this specific objective done? 

Would you give yourself the warm enthusiasm, recognition and support you need, if only you could first turn into someone better than the person you see looking back at you in the mirror now? Do you essentially say to yourself, I’d like to love you, but it would be so much easier if you were thinner, prettier, smarter, more talented, if you had a different personality, if you weren’t so needy?

That’s the curse and the trap of conditional loving. Conditional love is the old operating system we are evolving out of now. Conditional love is pure Pavlovian programming: do this and you get love. Don’t do that, or you’ll get no love. Love given as a reward for obeisance, withheld as punishment for going against the grain.  

We go crazy for love. Like rats in the maze, we’ll turn this way or that way, all in the name of love. It’s because love is the true food for our beings, and without it we die, like plants that get no sunlight.

Learning to love the person in the mirror

If you’re struggling with how to love yourself, this isn’t your fault. You have been told since birth not to love yourself unless, in so many ways. And yet if you were to love yourself, you’d be free from everything that torments you, however, it does so. Addictions, compulsions, trauma, disorders – all of these crumple and disappear in the radiant, forgiving presence of your own true love for yourself.

Funnily enough, loving yourself begins, like everything else, just with the decision to do so. Followed by determination and grit. You decide to do it, and then you do it. You understand it will take a while to change your habits. You don’t give up, even though it’s hard. You figure it out, somehow, some way. You fight your way to love, like a sprout that breaks through concrete to get to the light, if you have to. 

How to love the bad parts

Loving yourself means loving your “bad self”. The one that no one wanted around. The one that was shamed and blamed, the one you turned against because it got you in trouble. The one who did things the love-givers in our lives didn’t want us to do. The one we put in the closet a long time ago and cannot tolerate to be reminded of. 

Get in touch with that part of you. She is everywhere, all around you, all the time, and within you, too. Your job in this lifetime is this: find a way to love her.  

It can help to understand that you are the clay, not the shape the clay is in right now. All shadows are in terrible condition from being in the dark so long. We must take it on faith that when we give love to our shadows, only then will they be able to take on their true form. In their true form, they are beautiful gifts to us and our life purpose. Always. 

Can we love ourselves when we’re in our shadow shapes, behaving and being the opposite of our chosen natures? Yes, we can. We must remember that these ugly things we see in ourselves come from wounding, and the defense postures we take to defend the wound.

When we encounter shade in ourselves – our devouring egos, our imperfections of character, the earthy realities of bodies – the challenge is to own that shade and to forgive it, to love it. Not because it deserves love – love cannot be deserved or undeserved, it just is, like the sun that shines on everything equally. We give our love to all parts no matter what, because love is what unbinds us from shadow forms.

Choosing love

Once we make the determination that we will love all parts of ourselves, even the bad parts, self-loving actions follow. Ripples of powerful, all-embracing love emanate from us like the circles of reverberation that follow a stone dropped into a pond. 

Which means our own love will reflect back to us, too. Which means someday, when we look in the mirror, we will see somebody very, obviously lovable there, eyes shining back at us.

Categories
Substance Abuse

What are the Symptoms of Alcohol Withdrawal?

When you stop drinking, it’s always the hope that you’ll immediately feel better and people act as if life is going to improve. They quickly list all the positives you’ll face in being sober but no one really talks about what happens in the in-between. 

That in-between has a name, and today we’re talking all about what happens when you stop drinking alcohol, and spoiler alert: it can really be a bad time. The truth is, withdrawal can be really hard and many people return to drink without giving themselves a fair chance at holistic recovery. 

We want to help you prepare yourself for the reality of withdrawal because we believe you’re worth that recovery. 

A snapshot of the first week after you stop drinking 

If you’re a mild alcohol consumer, you likely won’t notice anything in the first couple of days that you stop drinking. If you’re reading this though, you’re likely not a mild alcohol consumer (or you love someone who isn’t). For people who have a dysregulated relationship with their alcohol consumption, the first week is going to be a rough time once you stop drinking. 

There are a number of things that go on in your holistic self that you’ll take notice of in the early days of withdrawal and most of them won’t be very fun. We’re going to break down the symptoms of withdrawal between your two major systems of self to talk about what you may experience in that first week. 

In your body 

Over the first few days, withdrawal probably feels like groggy agitation. There will be lots of highs and lows as your body tries to figure out what to make of this whole sobriety business. It’s likely that you’ll have a headache, and your eyes may hurt as they strain to focus without the “beer goggles” phenomenon that often occurs when you drink. This is due to excess pupil dilation and it may cause headaches. 

You might find yourself feeling restless and antsy as if you need to move or do something. You likely won’t have the energy to actually do that though, as your muscles will feel heavy and they might ache. The shakes and aches are not uncommon as your body begins to clear the toxins it’s been storing from the alcohol. 

alcohol withdrawal symptomsYou’ll sweat them out, so you may be feeling a little damper than usual. You may struggle to eat and feel nauseous or even be sick when you do eat. 

Sleep is also likely not coming very easily even though you’re definitely tired. Your body isn’t sure how to settle into sleep rhythms without the lullaby of alcohol these days, and it’s definitely not doing you any favors. 

In your mind 

Withdrawal is uncomfortable and we don’t just mean physically. It’s likely you will feel agitated beyond restlessness. You may struggle to regulate your mood, or even to register exactly what mood you’re in as it shifts rapidly between anxiety, frustration, depression, and resentment. Your head will feel foggy, but it might feel like that fog is made of bees. 

When you do manage to drift off to sleep, withdrawal increases the likelihood that you’ll have nightmares. In response to the myriad of physical symptoms withdrawal is bringing out for you, you may feel like a stranger in your own thoughts. 

There are some dangerous symptoms of sudden withdrawal 

Severe withdrawal can cause an unsafe drop in blood pressure, hallucinations, a racing heart or even seizures. This severe form of withdrawal is called Delirium Tremens. If you begin to feel afraid or unsteady, please seek emergency support for your withdrawal symptoms as they can signal a medical emergency. 

Why withdrawal happens

People who drink heavily (whether they are dependent on alcohol or not) are often using alcohol as a numbing agent for some kind of discomfort in their lives. Alcohol helps you to disconnect from your emotions by providing a depressant effect on the signals and hormones that register the way you’re feeling. Alcohol short circuits them for the time being and it can give you some relief. 

Withdrawal occurs for two reasons. Firstly, it takes away that numbing effect and the full might of whatever your drink was numbing will hit you like a Mack truck. Your body may rebel to the intensity of losing its numbing agent so abruptly. 

Secondly, your body doesn’t quite realize that you’re no longer drinking and is still making hormones to accommodate the shift in your chemistry that drinking creates. What was a manageable amount of system input becomes overload to a body that’s not trying to wade through the quicksand-like delay of alcohol. 

That overload is withdrawal. It causes all the difficult, confusing and just generally awful symptoms you experience when you stop drinking. For many people, that overload doesn’t feel sustainable and it can make you second guess your efforts to get sober. 

You can take control of your sobriety and your life 

There is hope! Beyond the two-week mark of removing alcohol, things will begin to improve. It’s likely you’ll see improvements in nearly all of your symptoms as well as other aspects of your life. Things do get better, but only if you stick it out. 

If you carry nothing else from this article with you today, I hope that you remember what I say next. 

Are you ready? 

It’s important and I’m sharing it just for you. 

Yes, you. 

Every state you enter on this journey is a temporary one but your value in this world is concrete. 

This feeling will end and you are worth the determination it will take to get through it. When withdrawal feels like too much for you to manage on your own, programs like our detoxification program can help you to get sober safely.

 There are options to support you but make no mistake: you carry the strength and the ability to move through this difficult space with the determination and beauty of the entire universe behind you. You can take control of your detox, your sobriety, and your life. You have the power, and we are here to empower you so can remember the world beyond withdrawal even on your darkest days. Connect with us today to learn more about our programs and how we can help. A phone call to (866) 950-0643 can get you started on the right path. 

Categories
Substance Abuse

What Is Substance Use Disorder?

So many terms are thrown about to describe the same struggle that almost 20 million Americans face. So what exactly is substance use disorder, and how do you know if it’s something that’s impacted your life? 

We’re getting into the details of this diagnosis in a clinical and real-world manner, and we want to make sure you get the answers you need today. 

Are addiction and substance use disorder the same?

There is a marginal difference between addiction and substance use disorder, but at their root, they mean the same thing. Substance use disorder has many causes, some rooted in trauma and others in genetics, but primarily it is an incompatibility between a person and their sobriety. 

 

Substance abuse may begin from a clinical need for pharmaceutical intervention that spirals beyond a healing use or from a self-driven need to escape an emotion or reality within the life you live. Substance abuse is not picky in where it starts or where it will leave you, but it is a clinical way of discussing the inability to live your life without the substance you’re abusing. 

What are types of substance abuse?

While any substance can be abused when it becomes an all-consuming part of your life, there are a handful of recognized substance use disorders most commonly treated in a clinical setting.

Alcohol

You may hear alcohol use disorder also referred to as alcoholism. The terms are one and the same; both are characterized by a chronic dysfunctional relationship with alcohol. Whether it’s beer, wine, or spirits, alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a clinical diagnosis that can control your life. 

Some of the signs and symptoms are alcohol cravings, drinking no matter the impact on health, and an inability to go without alcohol. Behavioral changes and effects on physical health may occur as a result.

Hallucinogens

Drugs that alter your perception of reality are often called hallucinogens. Hallucinogens include drugs like MDMA  (ecstasy), salvia, LSD (acid),  and psilocybin (mushrooms). These psychoactive substances produce changes to the way you experience the world around you. 

Those who experience hallucinogen abuse are at risk for overdose due to increased tolerance and the user taking larger doses to feel the effects. Signs of abuse disorder may include agitation, paranoia, memory changes, anxiety, and impaired reflexes. 

Marijuana 

Although often hailed as being “nonaddictive,” marijuana abuse disorder is a problem that can occur without notice. Marijuana is famously known for creating a calm atmosphere and is medically lauded for reducing many symptoms. While its use to support clinical symptoms is important, marijuana can, like any other drug, be abused without mindful use. 

Symptoms of marijuana abuse disorder are ignoring risks, increased cravings, heightened anxiety, inability to cope without marijuana, and increased anxiety. 

Nicotine 

Plastered on packages and billboards across the nation, the prevalence of nicotine is not an unfamiliar topic in the US. Cigarette and tobacco consumption has declined in recent years, but access to nicotine remains easy and readily available. E-cigarette use has increased nicotine access alongside the declining use of tobacco. 

Leading to lung, mouth, and throat cancer, nicotine abuse disorder has a powerful lifelong impact for those who fall prey to it. Nicotine abuse symptoms may include cravings, personality changes during withdrawal, agitation, frequent respiratory infections, and impotence.

Opioids 

This class of drugs is primarily made up of commonly-prescribed substances derived from the opium poppy. This sector of painkillers has clinical applications to reduce major pain. Opioids also include heroin. Whether you’re using the prescription kind or illegally obtained opioids, addiction is a serious concern with opioids. Their function is to reduce pain, but side effects include confusion, euphoria, and lowered respiration. 

Those addicted to opioids may experience powerful cravings, a breakdown of skin composition, difficulty fulfilling obligations, withdrawal, and increasing tolerance of the drug that requires a higher dosage. 

Sedatives and stimulants

While these categories of addictive substances are inherently opposite, the access and development of addictive behaviors in response to their consumption can be quite similar. 

Sedatives’ primary function is to help someone who struggles with sleep disorders or insomnia get enough rest. However, like all drugs, they can be dangerous when abused. This category includes barbiturates, benzodiazepines, carbamates, and sometimes even antihistamines. 

Stimulants—which run the gamut from caffeine to cocaine, methamphetamine, speed, and crack—cause heightened excitement and motivate users to get things done. Under this guise, some stimulants find purpose medically to treat or support those with attention disorders, while others are illegal in every form. 

The abuse of sedatives and stimulants is characterized by insomnia, blood pressure changes, tachycardia (unstable heart rate), sexual and respiratory dysfunction, and central nervous system disruption. Some stimulants may cause hallucinations, tooth decay, and aggression. 

How we heal is all the same 

No matter the kind of substance use disorder that’s taken up unwelcome residence in your life, there is a universal key to success: you want to heal. We can all begin to walk the lifelong journey of recovery the moment we believe in the possibility of life after active addiction. 

There is no actual secret, or one right way, to get sober. However, there is one right place to begin: in the authentic knowledge that you are capable of healing, and you deserve the future that lies beyond the struggle you now find yourself within. 

Recovery is possible, and our holistic healing program can begin in the first steps of detox or anywhere along the way. When you’re ready, we are too. Contact us today at (866) 950-0643 to learn more. 

Categories
Substance Abuse

Alcoholism in the Family 

Family relationships can be complicated. When someone you love is struggling in their relationship with alcohol, you may not be quite sure how to handle things. Today, we’re answering the questions you want to ask about alcohol use in families – even if you’re not sure where to begin. 

How many families are impacted by alcoholism?

It is estimated that, at some point in their lives, a staggering 43% of people will have struggled with someone in their family’s relationship with alcohol. When someone you love is struggling with their relationship with alcohol, it can create mistrust, confusion and hurt in every aspect of their lives. A family who comes together to support someone with alcoholism may feel connected, but there is often strain in the ties that bind. 

Family impacts of alcoholism include broken or damaged relationship bonds and present domestic abuse risks. Outside of these more profoundly observable experiences, there are smaller changes in family structure that may lead to altering dynamics. An inability to trust an individual and breakdowns in the stability of communication are common when someone is using alcohol. These things may make it difficult to talk to someone you once loved, creating a space where you hope for connection. When strong relationships become fragile bonds, you may wonder where to go from here and what those changes mean for you. 

Is it genetic to be an alcoholic?

While there are multiple factors that contribute to the risk of alcoholism, genetics do seem to be part of the equation. Not a single gene increases the likelihood of alcohol misuse, but information encoded across several series of genes can play a role in increasing the risk of alcoholism. The University of Rochester estimates that those who had a relative with alcohol misuse tendencies are 4 times more likely to struggle with alcohol use themselves. 

What’s the impact of alcoholism on children?

Alcoholism can impact children of any age, including having an impact on the children of alcoholics long after they’ve left childhood. There is no benefit for a child who has a parent or guardian that uses alcohol, but many risks become involved.

In the US, more than 10.5% of children are impacted by a parent who struggles with alcoholism. Those children will experience an increased risk of domestic violence exposure in their young lives, and as they grow, will continue to be more vulnerable than other children to the risks of alcohol misuse. 

Do adult children of alcoholics have risks related to alcohol?

There is an increased risk of alcohol abuse in adult children who have experienced alcohol use disorder in their adult caregivers. From a young age, these children were aware of the drinking going on. Witnessing it in excess can influence their perception of what’s normal and warp their standard of behavior before they even have their first drink. 

Outside of the risks of alcohol misuse themselves,  adult children of alcoholics may struggle with emotional regulation. They may struggle to identify stable relationships, establish trust or feel the truth in their own emotions in relationships they do develop. 

How does alcohol affect your relationships with others?

In every shape and form, alcohol impacts the relationships you have with others. You may find that your friends are really enjoying you on a night out when you can toss back the drinks and be the life of the party, but it’s unlikely that anyone else in your life is feeling quite as boisterous about your relationship with alcohol. 

In romantic relationships, alcohol increases the instance of domestic abuse by a large margin. Due to lowered inhibitions, altered perception, and reduced self-control, alcohol can is a contributing factor to a large number of domestic abuse cases across the globe. 

Where can we begin to find support?

When you are seeking ways to be supportive of a family member who is either struggling with alcohol misuse or in recovery, there are options available to you. Seeking therapy to help you heal unresolved trauma related to the relationships impacted by alcohol can be a great place to begin in stopping the cycle of addiction in its tracks. Healing your own hurt may seem counterintuitive but breaking the cycle can reduce enabling behaviors and help you in supporting your loved one. You can work toward a legacy rooted in their holistic being instead of their alcoholism. 

If you are struggling with your relationship with alcohol, you can begin with yourself before reaching for the help that is available. Considering your concerns, emotions, and experiences can help you to navigate the kind of support you want and what may feel accessible to you right now. There are many kinds of support available to you from detox to residential recovery programs, Villa Kali Ma has a multitude of programs designed to help you heal from the inside out. 

Categories
Addiction Treatment

Chronic Pain and Addiction

It always hurts to be in pain, but when you’re feeling the sharpness of chronic pain alongside addiction concerns, it may feel like you have nowhere to turn. The relationship between chronic pain and addiction is a tumultuous one, but it’s one you can find support for. 

That support will look different for everyone. Below, you’ll find tips to navigating chronic pain alongside your recovery and answers to the questions that may help you make sense of the complicated space you find yourself in. 

Developing an addiction in response to pain 

Living in pain makes it more likely that someone will be prescribed opiates or painkillers to manage their symptoms and make their lives feel meaningful. Over time, those medications become less effective by design. Painkillers aren’t meant to be a long-term solution, but for people who experience pain long-term, there isn’t a better alternative. 

When their medications stop giving the relief they once did, the person in pain may begin to seek other options to fill that gap in order to continue meeting the demands of their body. This is where the slippery slope begins because, at this point, neither path is going somewhere that will be sustainable for a holistically well life experience. 

Whether you are in recovery, actively still in addiction, or supporting someone who is in these spaces, it’s important to consider the impact of chronic pain on addiction in a holistic sense. 

Body

Everything hurts, or maybe just some things hurt—but it’s happening in ways that make it difficult for you to engage with your world in a way that feels safe and familiar. Pain is a powerfully invalidating variable that none of us are ever truly prepared for. We are designed to be able to handle pain in short doses, or in situations where we anticipate it may occur. When you stub your toe, it will hurt. A papercut will sting but heal. A sprained or strained muscle may give you some difficulty but it will get better with time. 

Chronic pain doesn’t get better with time, and it often leaves you feeling a whole host of emotions about how to navigate it. It’s frustrating, especially as you continue to feel incapable of carrying on with no end in sight. Having your hope stolen with every breath is defeating in an entirely new way. 

But even when your body is failing you, you can make choices other than giving up. Some days, your commitment to honoring your body may be to rest. You can find mindful meditation in bed, while you’re resting. On the days you feel capable, gently stretching your muscles or working your body in safe ways may help you to alleviate the domino effect of chronic pain like muscle atrophy and stiff joints. 

Mind 

It is a heavy mental weight to bear, navigating the pain in your body and the conflict of managing it. Many of the ways you once used to deal with the pain are no longer accessible to you in your sobriety but can be nonetheless tempting. Adding to the challenge are the complex mental gymnastics you need to endure to remind yourself of what you truly want—sustainable recovery. Be gentle with the thoughts that come up in the duality surrounding managing these needs. 

If you find yourself thinking thoughts that you thought you were long past, do not sit with them in judgment. When it feels good, you can bring these thoughts to your therapist, sponsor, or mentor to talk about the way they’re landing for you. 

These thoughts and feelings may include: 

  • Doubt about your recovery 
  • A desire to use that feels more powerful when your pain is high 
  • Guilt that undermines the hard work you’re already doing 
  • Anger at yourself or your body for putting you in this position 
  • Frustration or confusion at the  turmoil of these competing needs
  • Isolation from your recovery, your friends, or your life 
  • A sense of failure, or negative self talk that encourages you to fail 

Thinking about things that feel counterintuitive to your healing is actually a positive part of self-actualization. Giving space to those thoughts without giving them any power will return the power they once held back to where it rightfully belongs: with you. 

Does chronic pain lead to addiction?

While chronic pain doesn’t necessarily cause addiction, there is a notable correlation between the two. That’s a hefty sentence and largely deflects the question. But there really isn’t a simple answer. Yes, chronic pain can lead to addiction. But no, chronic pain doesn’t cause addiction. 

For some people living with chronic pain whose medication has stopped working, they seek the support of other therapies to manage the pain they’re experiencing. For others, they begin seeking other medications, alternatives, and substances that reduce their pain, just so they can get through. 

These behaviors are often substance-seeking in nature and have the potential to become an addiction.

Managing chronic pain in recovery

For those who develop chronic pain after they’ve entered recovery, navigating any sort of pain management may feel like a volatile experience. How do you choose which risk is the easiest to navigate, and find support for the trauma it’s likely to bring up as you decide? Again, there’s no easy answer, but there is a plethora of support available to you through recovery and long-term support programs like therapy and group connection. 

For our clients, we offer alternative support therapy that includes opportunities to alleviate pain through routes outside of medical practice. Things like acupuncture, reiki, movement therapy, and even nutrition can complement other pain relief modalities that you may undertake with your health professionals like physical therapy or massage. 

There is no one right answer for managing recovery alongside chronic pain, but there is one universal truth: you are worthy of being supported through it. If you’ve found some validation and support in these words, we are grateful you’ve shown up to find them. If you feel ready to reach for more, we are here to help. 

Categories
Wellness

The Power of A Positive Mindset

Have you experienced the power of a positive mindset? Miracle, synchronicity, happy accident– these are some of the names we call it when life works out in our favor. 

Can you think of a time when your own ability to generate positive feelings, perspectives, or even just your sunny vibe helped you out? 

What about the power of a negative mindset? Can you think of a time when no matter what someone said to cheer you up, you felt weighted down by thoughts and feelings of darkness and gloom? Can you think of an incident in your life where your own mindset negatively impacted how events unfolded? 

My guess is that no matter how cynical or heartbroken you sometimes feel, you have experienced beautiful, heavenly magic in your life some of the time. My guess is also that no matter how positive you may be, you have also experienced the discouragement, even devastation, of things not working out the way you would have preferred. I say that confidently because you’re a human, and it’s the same for all of us.

The truth is that we humans are in a curious quandary. We do not have absolute power over our own lives – at least, we do not experience it that way. However, we are also not powerless – what we do, what we think, how we behave, and the energy we put out into the world has a huge impact on how life goes for us. 

So what do we do? Do we accept the bitterness of life, and stop dreaming, as many have urged us to? Or do we keep wishing, and as a result of letting our hopes rise with those wishes, also sometimes slam up against hard walls in the preexisting reality we are in? 

Are we mad to keep hoping for goodness to appear when life has shown us how much evil there is, or are we mad to stop dreaming of better, when life has shown us how much goodness there could be, if only we would nurture it? 

I believe that this is a choice each of us makes, and that we each live with the consequences. Whatever world we want to live in, we help create it or we help thwart it, by the thoughts we choose to power up and animate with our life energy. At the same time, we all have shadows, and spiritual bypassing – trying to skip over the dark side – only causes shadow to amplify and gain strength. 

So how on earth do we harness the power of a positive mindset, in a world that has as many demons as it does, where denial does nobody any good, but demoralization is a deadly killer, too?

What is especially tender to me about the choice to have a positive mindset in spite of it all, is that it means we are willing to be in our vulnerability. There is no ultimately protected path through this life, no version of the human journey where we are not familiarized with pain. We will be wounded. 

At the same time, through our wounds we deepen more fully into our love and our grief for others and our own selves, as we experience the preciousness of what human life is. 

There is a saying that a teapot shattered and pieced back together is a truer, better teapot than the unbroken one, and it sure seems that many of us need to go through this same process before we can fully understand our own value and love ourselves as much as we truly merit. 

So what is a positive mindset in such a world? 

I cannot speak for you, but to me a positive mindset is one in which we say all things are possible. Yes, things are what they are, right now. 

And at the same time I know that there are positive forces at play in this world – forces that made the big, wild ocean. Forces that designed hummingbirds, that grew fresh soft sage in the springtime, that dreamed up capybaras and babies’ perfect little toes. 

That creative energy, that loving, exquisite, and generous presence, can be called upon to help us at any time. I trust that this energy, being as supreme as it is, is quite capable of giving a solution, a medicine, an antidote, an evolutionary response, to any problem I could possibly face. 

I also know – I choose to recall from my own experiences – that there is always a gift in not getting what I want, and that in austerities of all kinds, and deprivations, there is the gift of discovering something even better grown from inside myself, that far surpasses the pleasure I imagined I’d get from an external situation I was longing for. 

Ultimately, all things, positive or negative, lead me back to the fact that I have choice and responsibility in this world, that I can choose to be a force of good in the face of that which has harmed me without limit, or I can see what it’s like to give into the sadness. In that landscape of choice, I choose a positive mindset, one that feels authentic to me.

Dear reader, what about you? What is your reason for trying, in your beautiful, fragile, human way, to have your own positive mindset, in a world like ours? 

Categories
General

Group Therapy Activities

Everywhere we look, we see evidence of the fact that some maladies of the human heart are best cured by groups. What is the secret power of the human gathering?

From self-led recovery circles like Alcoholics Anonymous to stories of delinquent youth finding purpose through team sports, from adults finding joy in community theater and amateur choirs to bodily healing taking place through group prayer– it is clear that in the right circumstances, humans are able to access deeper dimensions of wellbeing through groups than without them. 

Perhaps it’s because we are wired at deep biological levels for group belonging, like many mammals (and especially those mammals to whom we are most closely related!). Whatever the reason may be, long before the concept of group therapy was even formulated, the natural truth existed already, that a group heals what cannot be fully healed alone. 

Some who embark on their healing journey may dread group therapy activities, and in all honesty we have good reason to do so, because the inverse of the above is also true: groups can also harm us in deeper ways than any individual could. All humans carry some degree of wounding related to the aspect of us that interfaces with groups. Those who have experienced bullying, scapegoating, marginalization and other forms of pain at the hands of groups often carry deep, unprocessed trauma about what happened to us in a group setting. 

It is for all these reasons that group therapy is one of the most potent medicines against that which makes us sick at heart. It is precisely because groups have special healing properties and because we have been wounded by groups, that joining a group with the specific intention to heal has magnified results for us. 

Group therapy activities are facilitated by a practitioner who is capable of holding the space for the higher healing of the group, as well as encouraging healing process within individuals in that group setting. In other words, the group as a whole is a “patient” receiving healing medicine, as is each person within the group. 

Group therapy activities are designed to give participants the chance to practice ways of relating which are better for the human heart, but which we may not have had the chance to learn yet. 

In group therapy activities, we learn to speak about our own true experiences, be deeply understood and accepted, and also hear the others. It is through the power of group therapy activities that we come to internalize a healthier sense of our “just right” size, as one among many, entitled to belonging on a platform of total equality. When the core wound around whether or not we belong is finally healed, then we have no problem extending that basic, just-because-you’re-human belonging to another, without conditions and requirements. 

While talk-based group therapy activities are highly effective, alternative forms of group therapy activities are magically potent as well. Expressive arts therapy, gardening, and yoga all work beautifully in the group setting. Whatever ails you, there’s a group for it; there are groups dedicated to healing relationship struggles, groups for those of us who hear voices, groups for those going through specific life stages, and of course, those with addiction. 

Regardless of a group’s specific dedicated focus, a good group is one in which the balance is held so that all may be authentic, and yet all are also guided to follow basic behavioral expectations that ensure and protect the belonging and safety of all in the group. The individual must never overpower the group, but also the group must not cause harm to an individual. When we can all reasonably belong, as we are, while we go about the business of healing, it is a good group.

In group therapy we can heal the most basic wound of all, which is the question many of us hold in our hearts: if I were to be honest about how I really feel, if I were to show who I really am on the inside, would I still be accepted, liked and loved? Or would I be rejected, disowned, marginalized, pushed away, shamed, and cut off from the supply of group love and belonging, if I did not perform the appearance of agreeing and belonging, of not having my own thoughts and opinions? 

If this sounds like THE question of human existence, you’re not wrong. Because every single person on planet earth struggles with this piece to some degree or another at this time, I believe that it inside groups that our greatest healing will happen. Thanks for reading! 

Categories
Therapy

Benefits of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy works with thoughts, interpretations, and outlooks – everything relating to the mind. It also works with behaviors, healing the actions we take and the patterns of habit we follow. 

With both thoughts and behaviors, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helps us through the “act as if” principle, also known as the “fake it ‘til you make it” method, in which you learn how to be happier through practicing the thoughts and behaviors a happier person might have. 

Over time we see that we can adjust our thoughts and behaviors to be in service of our true goals and desires. This transfers the power and agency over to us, so that our thoughts and behaviors serve and express our highest nature rather than enslaving us into patterns we did not ever mean to express. 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is effective and fast, and it is especially good for any type of suffering that essentially derives from how we are thinking about things, and how those thoughts give rise to behaviors that don’t serve our interests.  

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy works both sides of the coin. Body and mind are married and you cannot work with one without the other being impacted. Sometimes one seems to be the place where the trouble is, but you can help the other side by treating them as interconnected. When healing from addiction, we work with the thoughts we have, as well as the compulsive behaviors. 

Taking positive actions will change your state, as will thinking positive thoughts. Everything is connected, even though they are distinct aspects of our humanity. A state of body, such as being tired or sick, will impact our thoughts. The reverse is also true. Have you ever noticed how if you read about an illness’ symptoms, you may even start to feel under the weather? Medical students famously sometimes think they have the diseases they’re learning about, even to the point of manifesting symptoms, just because of the way that focusing on some information can cause the body to follow along.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is powerful in particular because of the basic practice of simply becoming aware, first of all, of what is even taking place in our thoughts. Before the healing journey, most of us do not even notice our thoughts. It is more than we think we are our thoughts –we identify with them and think that they are our own. 

The essential problem with this is that all kinds of toxic and antihuman thoughts arrive in our thought-streams unquestioned. Before mindfulness, we just take them in, allowing them to create our feelings and behavior for us, without even having the chance to say whether we want these thoughts to have so much authority in our lives. 

We have all inherited anti-human thoughts from the collective, which actually create great harm to us. Harmful thoughts are such an embedded part of our own experience we may not even notice there is a difference between them and us. 

But the difference between us and these harmful thoughts is the all-important entry point for the possibility of healing. In the little gap between “I” and the part in the background who is seeing that there is an “I” at work, is exactly where Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is impactful. 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy teaches us to notice which thoughts are running in us and to then decide if we agree with those thoughts, actually. Or whether we might choose to think something differently, and try a different thought. 

This is how we discover that the space that our thoughts have been running around in belongs to us, and we have the right and the ability to command that space, and be in charge of it. This applies to the urges that appear right before we take an action.

We can say: “I see you, thought, I see you, urge. You are not me. I do not consent to give this behavioral pattern my energy at this time. I am going to place my focus somewhere else.” 

Through encounters like these, we gradually see that negative thoughts and behaviors have nowhere to fester if we do not give them space within us. 

This is the beginning of liberation from the tyranny of thoughts and compulsions which seem to appear out of nowhere and cause us great misery. It is the start of choosing reality-generating thoughts and ways of being in the world that make us feel happy, safe, and capable. 

Far more than just a popular treatment method, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a critical blow to the deepest causes of our suffering.  

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