Author: Holly Mae Haddock

Categories
Trauma

The Connection Between Trauma and Substance Abuse

Trauma reaction is a normal and natural human response to experiences of genuine threat to life and safety. When we are exposed to severely distressing events, our minds, bodies, and emotions go into overdrive.

This can result in uncomfortable feelings. It’s not uncommon for trauma survivors to turn to substances, like alcohol or prescription drugs, in an attempt to numb those feelings. This is particularly dangerous, as substance abuse can turn into an addiction and cause serious health issues.

In this article, we’re taking a closer look at the connection between trauma and substance abuse as well as the benefits of starting your sustainable recovery.

Trauma and Substance Abuse

What starts out as an anxious survival response to the situation – such as going into a flight-or-fight mode during the event – naturally progresses into exploring the stages of grief. If these steps are navigated successfully to the point of finding a way to be at peace, a person can be considered as having moved past the trauma. If these recovery steps are not obtained, the trauma can be identified as evolving into a mental health disorder.

Here’s what you need to know about trauma and substance abuse.

Types of Trauma

The initial concept of treating trauma as a mental health condition began as a response to veterans returning from WWII. It was discovered that soldiers, who had no indication of mental health disorder prior to joining the war, were exhibiting debilitating symptoms upon their return home. Being exposed to the daily threat of their own death, and being exposed to the death of those around them, had severely traumatized them.

As the concept has developed, experts have recognized that there are more sources than the experience of war which can result in a traumatic response. Any situation which threatens our sense of safety – even if that perception is subjective – can contribute to changes in the brain which manifest as a maladaptive response to trauma. Some of the sources of trauma are obvious, and some are more hidden.

Childhood Trauma

Women who have experienced childhood trauma, including neglect or abandonment, are particularly vulnerable to substance abuse. Research found childhood trauma is responsible for around 30% of mental disorders and substance use disorders are among the most frequent mental disorders following traumatic events. Neglect and abandonment are two of the most common issues among women suffering from substance abuse. Childhood trauma may also involve witnessing domestic violence, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, the loss of a parent, and more.

Sexual Assualt

With many sexual assault cases, the victim experiences a genuine fear that she may be killed. Even if fear of death was not a direct concern, the experience of having your inalienable rights to your physical body taken away from you by force or coercion is an extremely violating and traumatic experience. Trauma response symptoms to sexual assault and rape include difficulty trusting others, fear of being in public, and feelings of guilt.

Physical Abuse

As with sexual assault, experiences of physical abuse can be considered life-threatening, or not. The amount of fear that is generated when someone is attempting to avoid the wrath and physical cruelty of an abuser can create the conditions of long-lasting trauma response. Trauma symptoms as a result of physical abuse include exaggerated startle response, avoidance of activities, and fear of speaking up for oneself.

Emotional and Psychological Abuse

Emotional and psychological abuse are some of the more hidden monsters in our society. They are not tangible or empirically observable, which makes it hard for our legal system to intervene in such cases with an appropriate response. While the immediate effects of this form of abuse may not be as apparent as those suffered in other forms of trauma, enduring sustained abuse of this type can alter our ability to cope and respond to situations without a maladaptive reaction.

Other Risks to Safety

As previously mentioned, experiences involving life-or-death scenarios are prime candidates for generating the conditions of persistent trauma. Narrowly missing death in the form of a car accident, crime scene, workplace hazard, or even a natural disaster can leave a person to deal with the stress, anxiety, and depression which are characteristic of trauma response. Those who encounter these types of scenarios on a daily basis – such as law enforcement, medical staff, and firefighters – need to be particularly mindful of their ability to cope with the repeated exposure to traumatic events.

Trauma and Substance Abuse

Within the field of mental health, there is a habit referred to as self-medication. This term describes the tendency of people to attempt to fix a mental health problem by using non-prescribed drugs or alcohol to numb the discomfort. While taking steps to address a problem on one’s own is a valued characteristic in our culture, attempting to treat trauma through self-medication rarely goes well. 

Research has shown that up to 75% of civilian trauma victims report having a substance abuse problem. Women who experience trauma are at a high risk of developing a dependence on alcohol. Adolescents who experience sexual abuse are nine times more likely to develop an addiction to hard drugs.

Co-occurring Disorders

When substance abuse is combined a with mental health disorder, the condition is known as a co-occurring disorder. Sometimes, the symptoms that are present during co-occurring disorders can be difficult to untangle.

Substance abuse and mental health disorders tend to interact in a way that both creates and compounds the situation. In spite of the difficulty of the task of unboxing the problem, experts have recognized that – in order for treatment to be effective – both the substance abuse and the underlying mental health condition need to be simultaneously addressed.

Removing the substance use without treating the trauma will only leave a door wide open for the temptation to resume the drug or alcohol use.

Effective Treatment for Co-occurring Trauma Disorders

When seeking treatment for substance abuse and trauma, it is important to employ the services of a team that has both substance abuse counselors and mental health experts available. While both of the areas of concern will be addressed, it is often the case that the components will be sectioned out. Addiction counselors are certified in their area of expertise, and often have their own experiences with substance abuse and recovery. Licensed mental health professionals are equipped with the education and knowledge for helping you successfully navigate the mental and emotional road to recovery from your trauma.

Substance abuse treatment can include a combination of medications, group support, and the development of coping skills to reduce your tendency to use substances as a response to the uncomfortable feelings associated with your trauma. The type of therapeutic support that you receive will depend on the orientation of the therapist. Some of the more effective therapeutic approaches to treating trauma include Trauma-focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR.) Both of these specialty treatment modalities require specific training on behalf of the therapist.

Conclusion

Surviving a traumatic experience can have a profound impact on your life. If you’ve experienced trauma and find yourself turning to alcohol or drugs as a form of self-medication to ease the feelings of pain or discomfort, you may be at risk of developing an addiction.

If you regularly turn to substances for comfort, consider exploring the benefits of joining a holistic healing program designed specifically for women. We offer Trauma Informed Therapy for women interested in healing their wounds and moving forward without drugs or alcohol.

Categories
Mental Health

What Causes Depression in Women? 

Depression is a mental health disorder often characterized by a consistently depressed mood. There are several other symptoms of depression in women, including loss of interest in hobbies, suicidal ideation, and substance abuse.

In this article, we’re exploring one of the most common questions we hear from women – what causes depression in women?

What Causes Depression in Women?

It is beyond the scope of most doctors and mental health professionals to attribute a single cause when it comes to experiences of depression. There are some professionals who are in the camp of attributing depression solely to neurological and chemical imbalances, and some who insist that relief from depression lies in making life changes. The majority of those involved in mental health tend to fall somewhere in the middle of those two extremes, with a combination of biological and lifestyle – nature and nurture – interventions being the most effective approach. 

So, what causes depression in women?

Unprocessed Trauma from the Past

Surviving a traumatic experience often results in long-lasting side effects that can impede daily activities. If ignored, unprocessed trauma from the past can develop into several serious mental disorders, including depression. In fact, unprocessed trauma is the most common underlying cause of women’s depression.

Women who have survived trauma and now live with depression are particularly vulnerable to substance abuse and addiction. It’s not uncommon for women to turn to prescription drugs or alcohol as a means of numbing the pain of depression, so it’s important to seek help processing the trauma as soon as possible.

Too Many Responsibilities

There was a time when women were expected to stay at home, tending to the home and the family. While most of us are grateful that we now have the opportunity to go out and provide for ourselves through joining the workforce, there is a downside to that liberation. Rather than our money-making abilities resulting in a more egalitarian division of labor at home, it simply added to the responsibilities. Even though the finances are now equally earned, women continue to disproportionately bear the brunt of running the household and taking care of family needs.

In addition to working full-time jobs, women are often expected to complete the majority of the parenting duties, do the majority of the housework, and be the ones to take care of extended family members who are elderly or infirm. Even the strongest and most determined of women can find that their energy levels and zest for life come crashing down under the weight. When a feeling of hopelessness about meeting all of the demands creeps in, depression is usually the culprit.

Cultural Pressure

The driving force behind our concept of what we should be able to accomplish as modern women often come from societal expectations.  As if the weight of the responsibilities within our own little circle weren’t enough, many of us struggle with impressing the society at large. Stringent expectations for women have always existed, and, rather than utterly evolving from one historical iteration to the next, the expectations appear to be compounded. Modern women are expected to be physically fit, spend time on their beauty routines, be engaging during social interactions, be progressive parents, be smoldering lovers, and be at the top of their careers. Failing to find a way to separate ourselves from whatever the current standard of feminine success entails can result in a huge blow to self-esteem.

Relationship Troubles

Even with all of our progression toward individualism, women still list the quality of relationships as a primary factor in life satisfaction. Whether it be due to our role in nurturing the next generation of life within our own bodies, or due to thousands of years of social conditioning, females tend to place more value on connections made with others than do our male counterparts. When these relationships are positive, our individual wellbeing is enhanced. When these relationships are stressful, every aspect of our lives can be negatively affected.

One factor which plays a role in why relationship quality can so drastically affect our wellbeing lies in the female tendency to view life as a whole. While men characteristically tend to be able to compartmentalize the various aspects of their lives, women tend to take the wardrobe approach. When we look at a single aspect of our lives, we are simultaneously viewing the entire landscape. This phenomenon makes it difficult to simply go to work while going through an ugly divorce, or to go about our daily chores while knowing that our loved one is lying in the hospital. 

Pesky Hormones

It seems to be a theme for women that the very same things which make us beautiful and unique are also those which can make our lives very difficult. When it comes to the hormones which reside at the heart of our femininity, there is no exception. The same chemicals which allow us to experience a mind-body connection and enable us to nurture new life can be the culprits when it comes to sabotaging our mental health. The days before every monthly menstruation, the years after menstruation comes to an end, and the months following childbirth can be particularly troublesome for many women. It has been found that the hormonal fluctuations experienced by women in these various stages include taking a hit to the serotonin levels that our positive moods depend on.

Symptoms of Depression in Women

Regardless of which factors are contributing to depression, it is important to get a handle on it. The first step toward treating depression is recognizing that you are suffering from it. The following are a few of the common signs of depression in women.

Loss of Interest

This category is broad, as finding that you have lost interest in previously enjoyed activities can extend from your hobbies to your love life. When depression takes hold, thoughts of engaging in things that once got your blood pumping and your creative juices flowing now hold little appeal. The tasks that you complete each day may begin to seem robotic or utterly obligatory, and you may even find that they increasingly annoy you.

Frequent Crying

Women already have the reputation of being the more emotional of the sexes. While we can take pride in our ability to wear our heart on our sleeve, we can also cross over into the territory of feeling too much of a bad thing. When we are at the bottom of the well of depression, the slightest upset can be enough to turn us into a sobbing mess.

Thoughts of Suicide

It is relatively normal for women to have fleeting thoughts of life being too difficult to want to carry on. When those thoughts become persistent, or if they are accompanied by the temptation to develop an actual plan to end your life, it is very important that you seek help, immediately. Depression is a primary factor in the rates of suicide for women.

Self-Medication

Women may attempt to numb the uncomfortable feelings of depression with alcohol or prescription drugs. This creates a dangerous cycle in which women may become addicted to the substance. This cycle can create a co-occurring disorder in which you struggle with both depression and substance abuse. Research on women and substance abuse shows women are more likely to increase the frequency of using substances, stabilize at higher doses, and experience greater side effects of the drug.

Conclusion

If you believe you may experience these symptoms of depression and find yourself using substances to self-medicate, you may be interested in the benefits of exploring sustainable recovery here at Villa Kali Ma. We offer integrated treatment for co-occurring disorders among women and invite you to start your journey on the path to recovery today.

Categories
Wellness

How to Live Your Best Life

The concept of living your best life is simultaneously a vague and clear directive. So what does it mean to live your best life? Is it the same for everyone? Is there a clear sign you’ve made it? For such a simple phrase, it sure elicits a lot of questions. The good news is, we can answer questions. The even better news is that those answers will empower you to move toward your best life and support a fulfilling journey toward it. 

Know yourself now 

From the time we are small, we have hopes of what we will become.  Those hopes evolve into expectation as we grow, not just for ourselves but for our lives and the world at large. We often know what we want, and when we don’t, we know how we want to be perceived, and we move toward it. This is what we’re taught. But what happens when those expectations change, or when we do? 

Because they will. They’re meant to. But understanding big changes in the calibration of our future can be painful. Finding meaning and purpose in those new shapes can push us to recalibrate our expectations in beneficial ways. Learning to adjust your hopes and needs is vital in creating your best life. After all, best is only best if it feels right for you. 

Embrace the changes in who you are, how you feel and the things that matter to you. Use those changes to craft aspirations that feel good, and strive for them. If you’re working toward goals that mean something to you, whether big or small, the effort and the end goal will feel good. 

Foster positive self-talk 

Be kind to yourself first and ruthless when required. That might sound a little counterintuitive, but drawing a hard line in your own mind about the way you speak to yourself is a critical step in cultivating your best life. Speaking kindly to yourself is a gift that can lower stress, increase confidence and make you a better friend. 

When your self-directed thoughts veer toward the critical or negative, put up a pause. Tell yourself, “You will not talk about my friend that way”. You are your own friend after all—the loudest and most persistent one. Enforcing a code of respect in this intimate relationship you share with yourself will set the standard for speaking with respect to others, and doing so in a positive framework. With lower stress and kinder words to reframe the situations you’re confronted with, you’ll be well on your way to a better mindset fit for your best life. 

Breathe fully 

There is so much more to bringing fresh air and perspective into your body. Misnomers like “just breathe” or “just let it go” make us feel that it should be easy but breathing with your whole self doesn’t “just” happen. While mindful breathing can decrease anxiety, pain and sleep troubles, it’s also an exercise that requires regular training. 

There are many breathing tools that can be employed to expand your health and restore your body’s clarity but pranayama has a special place in our hearts. Through this powerful breathwork, we can confront and heal the things holding us back in our bodies and reach more fully toward it. Through individual or supported pranayama work, overcoming your body’s resistance to risk can become an empowering tool in achieving your full potential. 

Live with intent 

With your adjusted expectations, kinder self-talk and grounding breaths, you’re ready to move toward a life cultivated with your personal best in mind. In order to reach that pinnacle of gratitude and fullness, we must first envision what that looks like and then set our intentions.  Just as our expectations and goals change, so too will our intentions. It’s best to set them in the short term, but just how short term is up to you. 

For some, it feels best to set intentions daily or every couple of days. Maybe a weekly or bi-weekly intention feels better. The great thing is- you can choose both, neither, or a combination of any timeframe you choose. It is your best, after all, and no one else’s schedule need apply to your intentions. What matters is that you set your intentions and then spend time with them. Visualize, or daydream what those intentions will look like as you work toward them and how you’ll achieve them. Let yourself spend time with those hopes and cement them as your plan instead of a dream. 

Crafting your best life is an active process. It’s not a dream set in stone by a collective, and it isn’t something you must hold to. Your best life is a changeable thing that grows with you. It’s not a burden or a risk to take up or carry along, but a visualized collective of your aspirations and intentions. Whether you are working through the early steps of recovery or well along your path to healing, you are deserving of your best life and we are committed to helping you achieve it.

Categories
Mental Health

How to be a Positive Person

When your world is filled to the brim with obstacles and uncertainty, it can be difficult to imagine feeling anything but overwhelmed. The pressure to have answers, be prepared and feel happy about it all is intense. Required happiness is a pervasive theme of our society, however, the state of the world in general- much less the weight of our lives- can make it feel like something we’re constantly falling short of. That energy feels wasted and lost. We feel tired, defeated, and overwhelmed.

But can you put that energy into being positive instead of happy?  

I know, I hear you: 

What’s the difference between positive and happy? 

When you let go of the drain of energy being directed into projecting an outwardly happy emotional response, we can make space within ourselves to sit with those responses and accept them. With acceptance comes the space to act upon your reality instead of your hope. 

Positively Present sums it up beautifully: “Happiness is a mood, positivity is a mindset.” Being a positive person is not about being eternally happy or forcing emotions that don’t feel real. 

There are health benefits to being positive. Along with a more balanced brainscape, positive people enjoy: 

  • More good days 
  • Longer life spans 
  • Lower blood pressure 
  • Supportive relationships
  • A healthier sense of self

4 Tips to Becoming a More Positive Person

Ready to soften those sharp edges of life with a positive mindset? We’re ready to help. Follow these tips to recalibrate your emotional spectrum from halfway happy to pure positivity. 

1. Embrace optimism 

Even when things aren’t going your way, holding on to the certainty that the unexpected is going to reap positive benefits is a boon to emotional health and improved outcomes. Optimism doesn’t require your utter joy in every moment. Instead, an optimistic outlook implies a conviction that even if you aren’t okay right now, you trust in the future that things will be okay. 

By exercising an unfailing belief in the return to rightness, we strengthen our ability to see the positive side of life before we even register the negative. Strengthening the muscle of optimism makes it easier, and more intuitive, to use. 

2. Reject toxic positivity

Being a positive person does not mean that you are unaware of the less desirable things that inevitably occur in all our lives. The world can be challenging. Moments and emotions can be difficult and scary, but ignoring those things does not make them go away. Toxic positivity undermines the presence of negative facets of life through relentless reframing beyond reality. 

Reject the idea that everything must be good. Resist the urge to say (to yourself or others) that you should “just cheer up” or “it’s not that bad”. Maybe it is that bad, and it’s often not that easy to cheer up. But we can support someone with positive affirmations like, “I hear what you’re saying” or “it’s okay not to be okay.” You can’t pep-talk someone to happiness. 

3. Practice Radical Acceptance 

Dialectical therapy approaches are a boon in supporting a positive mindset in that they cultivate the power of letting go- of perfection, control and all the things outside our power. Radical acceptance is a DBT practice geared toward exactly what it sounds like- accepting things as they happen. When you resist the idea of struggle or disappointment, energy then pours into the efforts of pushing away the natural response to those emotions. People, however, are designed to experience a spectrum of emotions and no expenditure of effort will take away the difficult side of that spectrum. 

Instead of pushing those emotions away, try accepting the things that caused them so you can more swiftly move through that very human reaction and on to the things that come after. While you’re working through learning to radically accept your experiences and emotions, give yourself the space to practice something else radical too- permission. Give yourself the space to feel and be exactly where you are with the optimistic trust that you will not always be there. Disappointment can’t last forever, but hope can. Work through the first by accepting the reality of a moment or feeling, and your well for the positive- hope- will only deepen.  

4. Be grateful 

Whether as you start your day or end it, spend a few minutes thinking of the things you’re grateful for. They don’t have to be big things, in fact- maybe they shouldn’t be. Practicing gratitude for small moments and everyday things gives you more opportunities to envelope your thoughts in positivity even when times are hard. For example, if you can see the beauty of the rain on the windows and the way the flowers perk up afterward, it may make it a lot easier to move past a disappointing raincheck. 

Practice gratitude by appreciating your loved ones. Express your grateful heart for their presence, or for the way they’ve impacted your life, just because it’s crossed your mind. Being grateful is one of the few life spaces where being reckless and indulgent can nourish your soul. If you are seeking a rush amid recovery, lean on spontaneous gratitude to uplift your loved ones and your own spirit. 

In many ways, being a positive person looks very little like being a happy person. Happy people aren’t always seeking authentic fulfillment. Positivity through kind self-talk, gratitude and acceptance will always move you toward that goal. If you are struggling through your recovery and in finding the light in your dark, we believe in you. Together, we can support your pursuit of positivity. 

Categories
Wellness

How to Build Self-Confidence

Do you ever think about things that feel difficult to achieve or things you’ve written off as lofty and unrealistic goals? Likely, some careers or achievements spring to mind—it feels difficult to be a millionaire, a ballerina, a film star, or a Steve Jobs-level genius—but none of those things truly reflect the depths of your soul. Sure, it may be difficult to become those things. But it’s also difficult to be kind to yourself and even more challenging to feel confident in your own skin. More than 70% of women and girls struggle with valuing themselves.

Building self-confidence can be an arduous endeavor, but it is always a worthy one. You deserve to feel good in your skin, and you deserve to feel confident in yourself wholly—mind, body, and soul. Let’s walk together through some of the steps you can take to build self-confidence so unshakable, even those big dreams don’t feel so unattainable.

Affirm your awesome

Whether you write them on your mirror, a post-it, or set them as the wallpaper on your phone, write down a phrase (or a few) that makes you feel powerful. Read it to yourself several times a day and, at least once every single day, look yourself in the eye in the mirror and verbally tell yourself those words of affirmation.

Being mindful of how you undermine your authority before you even examine it can be a great place to start building affirmations for increasing confidence. If you’d like a little nudge getting started, here are some words of wholesome support you can offer yourself:

  • I am not too much effort.
  • I deserve good things.
  • I can do hard things.
  • I am enough.
  • I hold my own power.

CV for confidence

Practice selling yourself to yourself by writing a resume. Not the kind you’d send to an employer, but use the same language skills that allow you to turn “answered the phone” into “managed ingoing and outgoing communication in a professional and organized manner” to reframe the way you think about your emotions and strengths. Ask those you trust most in your support network to share what stands out about you or what words they would use to describe you. Use that compilation as a shortlist to help you get started. Focus on the traits that make you a good friend instead of a good employee. Then, be that friend to yourself.

Say no when you mean it

As luck would have it, no is a complete sentence. It’s not one you have to justify or explain, but it is one you should use liberally. Savor those “yes’s” for the things that resound in the depth of your bones, and get comfortable with the “no’s” that help you establish boundaries.

Not respecting your own limits is the first way to betray yourself and your budding confidence. Practice forgiving yourself for the times you said yes when you meant no and then change that pattern. If you only say yes to the things you believe in, you can give them the energy and commitment they deserve while doing the same for yourself. Your confidence will blossom with your effort to exercise your ability to respect yourself in compassionately declining others’ requests.

Look the part

Your clothes, makeup, and even your hairstyle can help you feel more confident in yourself. If the way you present yourself to the world helps you feel authentic and powerful, others will notice. Instead of choosing styles that reflect the current trend of the image you think you should portray, listen to your heart when you make those choices. Allow your wardrobe and physical appearance to reflect the things that make you feel imbued with confidence, and you will exude just that.

Don’t stop at the things you put on your body, though. While your aesthetic can have a powerful impact on your self-confidence, so too can projecting it with body language. Roll your shoulders up and back, hold your chin high and walk with certainty. Use your body like punctuation when you walk into a room. If your energy and posture say I belong here, no one will think to question that wordless confidence.

Ask questions

Lean into your curiosity to expand your self-confidence. When someone dictates how you should act or implies you should feel a certain way, question it. Don’t shy away from exploring ideas or thoughts. It isn’t necessary to challenge these statements or implications, but it is imperative that you get curious about the ideas other people present over your life and agency.

If you learn to trust your instincts to ask questions, there will be certainty in not just the answers but the exploration as well. Don’t be afraid to push back or ask for more when presented with a concept that leaves you wondering. Trusting the urge to do so is as much a confidence booster as mastering the ability to express it.

Whether you are chasing your confidence boost in the wake of a big realization or it’s just a persistent lingering ache, you are worthy of the effort it takes to build the self-confidence you deserve. And you do deserve it.

Take a step, no matter how small or how many, into your power.

If you need support in growing your confidence alongside your decision to address concerning problems with alcohol or drug use, we will be right here with you all the way.

Categories
Happiness

How to Deal with Negative People

With lingering pandemic isolation clinging to our thoughts and social spheres, there are still wisps of shadows in our minds as well. The overwhelming stress of the past year has made burnout a pervasive theme of our lives. Both within ourselves and in connecting with others, negativity seems to be at an all-time high. When we are all so tapped out of our own accord, managing the shadowed hurt of others can feel like it’s just too much. If you’re feeling overwhelmed with the tone of the global mindset, let’s walk through some tools together on how to deal with negative people and remain positive and present yourself.

Resist the urge to fix

Negativity is not always a toxic trait. Sometimes, a person’s negativity stems from circumstance or stress. They may be in a place in their lives where their hopelessness helps to protect vulnerability they aren’t ready to reveal. It’s possible that negativity is a defense mechanism to insulate the self more than a destructive tool to damage others. While this doesn’t stop the defeating outcome on those around them, it can change the impact of the response from loved ones.

So despite what you observe or know, try to resist the urge to fix or alter their demeanor. Focusing on metering your response to their negativity is key in supporting both your continued positive security and the safety of their reality- no matter how skewed it feels to you.

Engage in ruthless confidence

You cannot force someone with a negative mindset to believe in themselves; this much is true. However, you can ensure that they don’t stop you from believing in yourself. Exhibiting ruthless confidence in not only your capability but your capacity to effect the change you seek will stop their doubting tendencies in their tracks.

Shutting down the pessimistic risk assessment of their opinion can be done calmly and without judgment. In fact, it should be. If someone doubts you, let them. But you can also let them know that you don’t doubt yourself. So what if they don’t believe in that dream you’ve got that’s driving you toward the success you crave? When you believe in yourself so ruthlessly that their warnings cannot take hold, there is no room for continued conversation in the vein of potential failure.

Be golden

The golden rule is widely lauded as an essential tenet of religion, but it has a place in philosophy and, in some spheres, psychology as well. Conceptually, treating people as you’d like them to treat you could act as a balm to their negative thought patterns no matter their origin. Choosing to rise above their negativity and remain positive (or at least realistic) may help to check their defeatist attitude and allow you to lift their assessment into more neutral ground. Let them be where they are if your golden attitude doesn’t influence theirs, but remember: who and where they choose to be does not have to change who you are. While it is not your responsibility to change their mindset, it is your duty to ensure their negativity doesn’t alter yours- and if it does, that it doesn’t linger.

Try radical acceptance

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy seeks to balance our rational and emotional minds so that they meet in the middle for a balanced approach to wisdom and awareness. This same balance can be an asset in communicating with someone who is chronically negative. While you can’t alter the tone of the thoughts in other people’s minds, you can reflect their expressed ideas back to them using language that may support a more balanced mindset. Rooted in tolerating distress more effectively and focusing on mindfulness and emotional regulation, DBT holds another vital key.

Radical acceptance, despite its name, does not seek to force acceptance of anything radical. This ruthlessly even-keeled theory aims to acknowledge the truth of something as it is in the moment. When someone says to you, “There’s just no way to improve my situation. I’ve done all I can do”, you can’t rewrite their reality. You can tell them, “So your situation feels stagnant, but you’ve made every effort you can see.” Replying to them in acknowledgment as you perceive their situation can help to validate their emotions without feeding their negativity or taking it on

When someone who is determined to believe in failure instead of themselves comes sniffing around your world, it doesn’t mean their negativity has to become yours. You are not obligated to offer solutions to their endless stream of complaints or determinism to fail. Whether dispelling the insidious anxiety of a pandemic or merely rejecting doubtful assessments of your own goals, a positive response to a negative thinker undermines their power without invalidating their opinion. While we can’t manage others’ thoughts, we can take only what we need and let our self-love do the rest.

 

 

Categories
Wellness

Therapy for Women: Healing the Mind, Body, and Spirit

A holistic approach to therapy for women treats the mind, body, and spirit, which can be beneficial for women struggling with substance abuse and co-occurring disorders. A holistic approach will help you conquer destructive behaviors and reach inner peace, self-love, and lasting happiness.

Today, we’re exploring how a holistic approach to therapy for women can help heal the mind, body, and spirit.

Therapy for Women: Mind, Body, and Spirit

Women are integrated creatures. When all is going to plan, our minds, body, and spirit are working in unison to create a reality that is wonderfully unique to each of us. This intricate process of womanhood is undeniably beautiful, but it can also be complicated. In order to get the most desired results out of our feminine process, it is important to pay heed to all aspects of our wellbeing and to keep them aligned in harmony.

Here’s how a holistic approach to therapy for women can help heal the mind, body, and spirit

Healing the Mind

The argument between nature and nurture has been waging on for decades, with laypeople increasingly joining a side in the psychological debate. Whichever theory a person ascribes to, it is general consensus that the female mind works differently than the male mind. If there is any doubt about this, do a quick internet search for relationship coaches. A good deal of relationship therapy has to do with helping the male and female clients meet together on the same page.

One of the differences that are commonly observed between males and females is the tendency toward compartmentalization. While the male mind seems geared toward being able to make clear distinctions between tasks involving business and personal life, females can tend to find it difficult to completely disregard one aspect of life in favor of focusing on another. Attempts to relate this female tendency to an actual structure in the brain have fallen short, but the phenomenon persists, nonetheless.

While it sounds handy to be able to any issues into its own box and continue on with other aspects of life, females tend to have a hard time doing so. It has been said that men are like a set of drawers, and women are like a wardrobe. When we look at our issues, we see them all at once. As an example, women who come into therapy often present their relationship issues as forefront during matters of distress and mental health disorder. The depression and anxiety that stems from these personal matters can overflow, making going to work, finishing school, or simply doing the laundry feel like overwhelming tasks. Likewise, finding mental peace in one area of our lives tends to positively affect all others.

Healing the Body

The effects of our mental health aren’t only intricately integrated within our minds, but they also extend to our bodies. While it is ill-advised to seek to blame physical problems on mental issues, it is a fact that physical ailments can be both created, and exacerbated by, the state of our heads. Experiences of stress, depression, and anxiety can result in our bodies giving us warning signs that something needs to change. Physical disorders such as headaches, intestinal issues, insomnia, and disruptions in the menstrual cycle are common for women to experience during times of mental unrest.

True to the reciprocity nature that exists within females, the reverse effect can also be observed. Taking care of our physical health can increase our mental focus, provide us with more energy for taking on our challenges, and provide us with a healthy boost of self-esteem. Integrating a healthy eating and exercise routine into an otherwise hectic or overwhelming week can reduce muscle tension, improve digestion, and encourage the body to recharge through getting a solid night of sleep.

Healing the Spirit

Mental health can be measured with screening tools, and physical health can be determined through the five senses. Spiritual health falls into a category of its own, with the importance and focus of spirituality consisting of subjective, inalienable, and individual, truth. Throughout history, women have been played an integral role as the keepers of the societal spirit.

When our spiritual life is alive and vibrant, we are able to rely on it for guidance and comfort through any manner of challenges. Taking the time to nurture our spiritual selves not only benefits us as an individual, but the recharging which takes place during engagement in prayers or meditations means that we have more energy available to support those we love. Indulging in our own spirituality is simultaneously both a selfish and a selfless, act. This dichotomy existing in unison is an excellent example of the intricate nature of the healthy female experience.

Holistic Wellness

While our ancient female ancestors may have enjoyed the intuitive knowledge of the necessity of tending to all aspects of ourselves, much of that awareness fell to the wayside during Western progression toward increasing productivity. The Protestant Ethic which has worked to craft the United States into a land of prosperity has also resulted in a deficit in our own views of self-care. As we tend to approach the world from a problem-solution mindset, the deeper levels of a life worth living can be overlooked.

Everything old becomes new, again. The need for a holistic approach to mental, physical, and spiritual care began to resurface during the 1970s, and it has gained traction, ever since. There is no group more fitted to gain the benefits of this revolution in mental health care than that of women. Our complex and integrated way of being is perfectly suited to an approach that encompasses all aspects of our multifaceted experience.

Holistic therapy can be summed up as being a continual work in progress, with the goal of creating a masterful work of art. The work of art that is created in your own life story and the components which are required involve your active engagement in all areas. Those who grasp the message contained within the holistic therapy approach will learn to embrace the world as it comes, will have the wisdom to initiate changes where necessary, and will have the energy to press onward toward greatness.

Just like with any great work of art, the artist begins with a few small steps and a few tricks of the trade under her belt. The beginning stages of holistic therapy will involve getting to know more about yourself, and learning how to listen to your own voice. As you gain the benefits of being in touch with your authentic, integrated, self, the rest of the story will begin to unfold.

If you find yourself reaching for alcohol or prescription drugs to self-medicate uncomfortable feelings, you may be interested in exploring co-occurring disorder treatment. Discover the benefits of holistic healing here at Villa Kali Ma and begin your journey to inner peace, self-love, and lasting happiness.

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Substance Abuse

How Drug Addiction Affects Relationships

Drug addiction negatively affects every aspect of life, including your physical health, your mental health, and your relationships. Addiction often involves lying, which makes it difficult to maintain trust, respect, and open communication.

In this article, we’re taking a closer look at how drug addiction affects relationships.

How Drug Addiction Affects Relationships

Our relationships with other people are centered around the bond of trust. The degree to which we entrust another person with our vulnerabilities, our thoughts, and our emotions form the basis of how close we can allow ourselves to get. There is no relationship more important to have established trust in than our intimate one. When our loved one develops a drug addiction, that trust can begin to deteriorate from the inside-out.

Here’s how drug addiction affects relationships.

Dealing with Lies

A person with a drug addiction doesn’t typically set out to become a liar. The lies merely become a symptom of how much the addiction has taken over the life of our loved ones. In the beginning, this person may rationalize that the lies are protecting you from uncomfortable information. As the addiction progresses, the lies will be justified as necessary to continue to engage in behaviors that you do not approve of. Eventually, a person deep into addiction may become so accustomed to lying that it becomes second nature to do so.

The experience of increasingly deteriorating trust levels between you and a loved one is incredibly stressful. You are likely to spend large amounts of time trying to find ways to believe what you have been told. You may devote large amounts of precious time and energy to sleuthing out the facts of your loved one’s behavior and claims. You may find yourself thinking that you are the one going crazy.

Impairment of Intimacy

It is little surprise that damaged trust leads to damaged intimacy. Intimacy, by nature, involves feeling safe enough to be vulnerable with a person. When this person whom you have thus far shared your life with begins to turn into a stranger, the entire foundation of intimacy is torn apart. You can’t confide your daily stresses to someone who is distracted and disconnected. You can’t open your heart to someone who is in the habit of lying to you.

This barrier to intimacy extends to the bedroom, as well. Depending on our personal perspectives when it comes to sex, we may no longer feel comfortable engaging in that sort of bonding activity while our partner is in active addiction. The attitude and approach of the addicted person toward sex are likely to be changing, as well. Some types of addiction contribute to a voracious sex drive, while other types will completely dissolve sexual interest. Either way, it goes, your sex life will be infringed upon by the specter of addiction.

Abuse

While it can be argued that lies and denial of intimacy are their own form of abuse, it can get much more drastic. A person in addiction is most often only selfishly concerned, and this concern has to do with scoring the next high. To someone with an addiction problem, you can become nothing more than a barrier between the addict and the drug.

The degree of abuse that is inflicted by a person in addiction can vary according to several factors. The personality bend of your loved one prior to the addiction, the severity of the addiction, and the type of substance that is being used can all play a role in what type of abuse is experienced. In cases of physical abuse, there is usually a discernible cycle. In cases of emotional and psychological abuse, the signs can be much harder to recognize.

Parenting Difficulties

In all of your personal struggles with an addicted person, even more, heartbreaking is going through this experience with children involved. Attempting to co-parent with someone who is addicted is even worse than going it alone.

The sober parent can struggle with internal battles about how much to expose the children to the addicted parent, and how to explain what is going on in a way that a child is capable of processing. If all parties are still living in the same home, chances are good that the children are frequently exposed to the same type of treatment that you are. This can be too much for their developing minds to properly handle and can lead to mental health problems down the road.

The mental and emotional struggles with deciding whether to stay or to leave, deciding on how to explain the situation to the children, and deciding on the best way to protect them from the behaviors of an addict can sap every last drop of mental energy.

Financial Struggles

The difficulties of being in a relationship with an addict cross over into practical matters, as well.

The money for the drugs or alcohol has to come from somewhere, and, unless your addicted loved one is a so-called functioning addict, you will often find yourself to be the one footing that tab. A person who is deep into addiction will not only dip into savings for the high but can also end up with no qualms about using the milk and diaper money for it. An addicted person can not only end up losing a job but can make your attempts to maintain a 9-5 similarly difficult.

Codependency and Enabling

While reading about all of these very obvious factors which contribute to a dysfunctional relationship with an addict makes it sound simple, the reality is much more complex. Most of us don’t start out our loving relationship with these signs of addiction so evident. They are more likely to creep in, bit by bit, and slowly change our whole world. Like the analogy of the frog in a pot of boiling water, we can end up in over our heads before we know it.

Deciding what to do after already in the middle of a situation is extremely difficult. It is important to be aware of signs that we are enabling our addicted loved ones to continue the destructive behavior. Codependency is the term that is used to describe a situation where we think we are helping, but we are actually providing the addicted person with the means to sustain the behavior. If you notice that the signs of codependency are present in your relationship, seek some of your own therapy.

If you are stuck in the destructive cycle of drug addiction and worry it may be affecting your relationships, consider exploring the benefits of sustainable recovery here at Villa Kali Ma.

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Substance Abuse

Women and Substance Abuse (Causes, Signs, and Recovery)

Substance abuse among women has increased significantly in recent years. Research from the National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions (NESARC) reveals rates of nonmedical prescription drug use are higher among women. Women who turn to substances in order to self-medicate are at risk of becoming addicted.

In this article, we’re exploring the connection between women and substance abuse, including the common causes, signs, and paths to recovery.

Women and Substance Abuse

There are several clear stages of addiction, including the initial introduction, escalation, and maintenance. Research shows women respond differently than men. For example, women will have a more pleasurable experience during the introduction of a substance and are more likely to self-medicate. In terms of escalation, women are more likely to increase the frequency of using substances. Once the addictive behavior is established, women will stabilize at higher doses of substances and experience greater side effects of the drug.

Let’s take a closer look at the connection between women and substance abuse, including the common causes, signs, and holistic healing options.

Origins of Substance Abuse for Women

Most of us know that it isn’t good practice to blame any one thing, directly, for our problems. That isn’t to say that there are not certain factors that play a prominent role in a woman’s journey into the dark realm of substance abuse.

Whether it be due to biological or cultural factors – or a combination of both – women are more likely to place emphasis on the quality of relationships. As such, many of the precursors to a woman developing a substance abuse problem are related to the dynamics experienced in relationships.

Traumatic Childhoods

While it is not an exclusively female problem to carry the weight of negative childhood experiences long into adulthood, biological women do tend to internalize the trauma more than those with an XY chromosome combination. In our roles as nurturers – as empirically evidenced by the state of pregnancy – we take our interpersonal experiences to heart.

This empathetic disposition can mean that we tend to seek to blame ourselves before blaming others, up to and including blaming ourselves for not being able to make our experience as children into something better.

The scars that are carried from traumatic childhood events – such as being physically, sexually, or emotionally abused – can be taken forward with us into the future, and can result in becoming trapped in a self-defeating cycle of anxiety, depression, and self-loathing. Substance abuse often stems from a desire to escape these negative feelings.

Toxic Relationships

Closely related to the topic of traumatic childhoods is that of toxic adult relationships.

It is a well-observed phenomenon that dysfunctional families of origin set the stage for our seeking out and engaging in dysfunctional relationships as adults. Having a difficult childhood isn’t always a prerequisite to getting ourselves into bad relationships, however. Sometimes, we just have to learn through experience.

A toxic relationship is one that does more harm than good. Elements of a toxic relationship can include all forms of abuse, lies, and cheating. Less obvious signs of a toxic relationship include being asked to give more than you get, feeling invalidated when it comes to your feelings and perspectives, and having a partner who is emotionally unavailable.

Due to the complexities of relationship factors, some women will take a long time to realize that they would be better off on their own. Meanwhile, they may attempt to reduce the misery by developing a dependency on drugs or alcohol.

Work-Home Stress

While this category of substance abuse temptation may not initially appear to have the common factor of being relationship-oriented, a closer look will reveal the link.

Prior to WWII, women had the primary function of being a homemaker. As women increasingly gained the ability to make their own money, a new sense of female empowerment was obtained. That glow of that accomplishment was somewhat dimmed once we realized that we now had to be responsible for managing both worlds, simultaneously.

Any woman who has engaged in the task of fulfilling the role of being an attentive wife, a loving parent, a good homemaker, and a successful employee – and at the same time – knows that the pressure of it all can become too much.

The stress of trying to be a superwoman can lead us to want just the least bit of reprieve. What starts out as a nightly glass of wine or sleeping pill to unwind can turn into a craving for more relief. This need for more relief can result in a substance abuse problem.

Signs of Substance Abuse in Women

When it comes to signs of substance abuse for women, there are many similarities with those found in men. One of the notable differences tends to lie in a woman’s historical tendency to avoid aggressive responses and shun risk-taking behavior. If you – or a woman you love – are increasingly showing signs of anger, violence, or lack of concern for safety, there may be a substance abuse issue at the core.

Universal signs of a substance abuse problem include neglecting responsibilities, withdrawing from social engagements, not being able to account for missing money, and disruptions in sleep patterns.

Outside of the obvious factor of being visibly intoxicated, many of the symptoms of a substance abuse problem can also be associated with certain mental health disorders. It is important to not jump to conclusions when observing these signs in a loved one.

Recovery from Substance Abuse

As our community knowledge and skill level in treating substance abuse issues improve, so does the prognosis for recovery. Substance abuse problems are now often considered within the context of other, underlying, mental health concerns. Co-occurring disorder treatment seeks to heal the inner wounds that may lead to substance abuse while simultaneously providing education and motivation to move away from a dependence on drugs or alcohol.

A woman who learns to love herself, initiate healthy boundaries with others, and obtain a healthy work-home balance is in a better position to resist the temptation to escape the pressures of life through substance abuse.

If you are stuck in the destructive cycle of substance abuse, consider exploring the benefits of sustainable recovery here at Villa Kali Ma. We work to heal women from the effects of addictions and the underlying emotional intolerance that fuels the avoidance cycle.

We invite you to share yourself in your own time when you are ready. Know that you are welcome to unfold your imperfections and vulnerabilities in a safe space free of judgment, condemnation, rejection, and ridicule. At Villa Kali Ma, you will be welcomed and cared for with the respect, love, and dignity you deserve.

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Mental Health

Symptoms of PTSD in Women

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can be caused by a wide range of traumatic events, including domestic violence, natural disasters, accidents, and more.

Of the 50 percent of people who experience trauma at least once throughout their lifetime, approximately 8 percent of survivors will develop chronic and severe symptoms of PTSD. Research also indicates women are twice as likely to develop PTSD and experience symptoms longer.

In this article, we’re taking a closer look at the common symptoms of PTSD in women. If you believe you’re experiencing any of these symptoms of PTSD and regularly turn to alcohol or other substances to self-medicate uncomfortable feelings, consider exploring the benefits of trauma therapy today.

What is PTSD?

In order to qualify for a diagnosis of PTSD, there is a prerequisite of experiencing a traumatic event. In the past, this definition of trauma referred specifically to exposure to a situation in which there was a direct risk of literally losing one’s life.

Over time, it became apparent that trauma can exist in many forms. Not only can people be traumatized by an experience of dying, themselves, but they can also be traumatized by witnessing the death and physical suffering of others. Experiences such as rape, assault, and being held hostage are also extremely traumatizing.

As of today, it is still a requirement of diagnosis of PTSD that the event is experienced in-person. Viewing negative events on the television or the internet does not qualify as vicarious trauma.

It has also been realized that people vary greatly in their subjective experiences of events. While one person may be able to process an event and move past it, another person may have been more deeply affected and less able to cope with the same event. This seems to be particularly true when it comes to the trauma response of females.

When being assessed for trauma, a mental health practitioner will spend time understanding what the event or experience means for each, individual, woman. The experience of ongoing trauma is a subjective experience.

Symptoms of PTSD in Women

Whether it be due to biological or cultural factors, or a combination thereof, women experience Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) at a much higher rate than do men. To make matters worse, many women do not even recognize that it is trauma at the root of their mental health problems.

The female tendency to internalize experiences, and the default setting of seeking to blame the self before looking elsewhere, can be a hindrance to accurately identifying the problem.

Here are several common symptoms of PTSD in women.

Intrusive Thoughts

When a person has been traumatized, the brain goes into a state of high alert. All mental resources are diverted to attempting to figure out the situation and alleviate the danger. After the traumatic event has passed, the brain is supposed to go back to its normal, daily, activity.

In the case of PTSD, the brain is having a hard time doing that. Instead of being able to move steadily away from thoughts of the event, a woman with lingering trauma will find that thoughts of the ordeal will shove their way, uninvited, into any manner of situation.

A routine trip to the grocery store can be interrupted with thoughts of being attacked, or a romantic night out can be ruined by the sudden recollection of the past. Intrusive thoughts are also known as having flashbacks.

Startle Response

As further evidence that the brain and body have not finished dealing with the trauma, a person with PTSD experiences an exaggerated startle response.

The startle response is present with us from the time we are born, as evidenced by a newborn flailing the arms if experiencing a swift lowering in the hands of a playful parent. This automatic response is yet another survival mechanism that our system has designed for getting us out of danger, and quickly.

For a woman with PTSD, this mechanism is on a hair-trigger. A sudden loud noise or an unexpected appearance from another person can reactivate physical memories of the trauma, resulting in the sufferer jumping out of her skin at the drop of a hat.

Hyperarousal

When we don’t know which direction the danger may come from, we tend to stay on high alert.

A woman with PTSD feels as though danger may be lurking around every corner, and will try to anticipate any unexpected events that she may encounter during the day. This can involve researching venues before venturing out of the house in order to extensively plan an escape route.

This can also mean scanning the faces of every person encountered in the store, and making an extra effort to keep a physical distance from strangers.

Panic Attacks

In spite of being hypervigilant – and also due to it – a woman suffering from PTSD is prone to experience panic attacks.

During a panic attack, the entire bodily system goes into overdrive, as it becomes fully convinced that death is around the corner. There will be trembling, sweating, and increased heart rate.

The mind will go blank, and higher cognitive functioning will shut down. A woman experiencing a panic attack may even faint.

Avoidance

It is no fun being on edge, constantly, and it is definitely no fun trying to anticipate when flashbacks or a panic attack are going to pop up and ruin the day.

Crowds of people, small spaces, and the presence of strangers may be particularly unnerving. Rather than risk the mental, physical, and emotional toll that comes with experiencing such high anxiety in social situations, a woman with PTSD may begin to withdraw from engaging in all but the safest of activities.

Nightmares

Beginning to avoid scenarios that may activate the flight-or-fight response may make the day times a little easier to bear, but the saga will continue while in bed at night.

Women with PTSD often experience intense, frightening, nightmares. These bad dreams may replay the actual event or may be composed of random scenarios in which the dreamer is placed in a position of having to figure out how to stay alive during any number of situations. There may also be persistent bad dreams about losing a loved one.

Depression and Irritation

With all of this stress going on during both waking – and sleeping – hours, it is little surprise that a woman with PTSD won’t be at her best.

Devoting so much energy to trying to convince yourself that you are not going to die leaves little energy for daily functioning. A woman with PTSD will likely find that she has little patience for the relatively trivial needs of others, and may find that the persistent drain of energy results in a constant state of the doldrums.

Before seeking a diagnosis of depression or anger issues, make sure to tell your mental health therapist about any traumatic events you have experienced.

Conclusion

Women are twice as likely to develop PTSD after experiencing a traumatic event. While there are many common symptoms of PTSD in women, the symptoms will vary from individual to individual. For this reason, we recommend reaching out to a mental health professional for guidance.

A professional will have the knowledge and experience needed to understand your individual situation and provide the guidance needed to start the healing process.

If you find yourself turning to alcohol or prescription drugs to self-medicate symptoms of PTSD, you may be interested in co-occurring disorder treatment. Explore the benefits of sustainable recovery here at Villa Kali Ma and discover the helpful inspiration needed to journey forward on your path to healing the mind, body, and spirit.

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