Category: Mental Health

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Mental Health

September is National Yoga Month

What is National Yoga Awareness Month?

National Yoga Awareness Month is a month-long campaign dedicated to raising awareness about yoga.

Here at Villa Kali Ma, we are happy to sing yoga’s praises, far and wide! In many ways, yoga represents the heart of our program. Our founder, Kay White, credits her recovery from substance addiction in very large part to yoga.

No matter who we are, where we’ve been, or what we’re staring down in our life’s journey, yoga is a viable, supportive path for finding a way through.

What are the benefits of yoga?

Yoga is a healing resource that goes far beyond what it can do for physical body strength, balance, and flexibility. Yoga is a comprehensive system that heals mind, body, and soul, through breath work and lifestyle philosophy as much as through physical postures. This ancient system is scientific and methodical, tested and refined by thousands of practitioners over thousands of years.

Many people start yoga these days because they are looking to improve their physical fitness. Yoga strengthens the core of the body, extends the range of motion, corrects alignment, improves balance, and tones muscles.

Yoga also brings deep peace, by healing internal organs and glands. Yoga accesses the part of our physiology that hosts our mental and emotional experiences. In modern parlance, yoga can be said to rewire pathways of the brain and nervous system, anchoring us into habits of happiness, peace, and freedom.

How can yoga help mental health, addiction, and trauma?

At Villa Kali Ma, we have observed that trauma, addiction, and mental health imbalances are intertwined. Yoga is a phenomenal resource for all three because it gets to the very root to repair our deep damage and disconnection. By restoring the physiological functioning of the body, the emotional processing ability of the heart, and the clarity of the brain and nervous system, yoga gets to the bottom of it all.

Studies conducted on the role of yoga in mental health treatment suggest that yoga reduces symptoms associated with conditions of anxiety, depression, and sleep disorders, through its ability to reduce the impacts of stress on the entire physiology.

Trauma lives on in the body mind and spirit through a damaged nervous system, such that we are trapped in frightening moments of the past. Through yoga’s many regulating, harmonizing, and toning impacts on the nervous system, as well as through its kind and humanistic approach to suffering, yoga can easily be used as an effective trauma treatment, restoring safety and now-moment orientation inside our bodies.

Yoga helps in part because it does not separate the physical body from thought and feeling. Rather, yoga expresses a basic unity, that thought, emotio, and body cannot be fully teased apart. Isn’t it true that it’s easier to think clear, sane thoughts when our mood is positive? Isn’t it easier to feel positive emotions when our bodies are also healthy?

The word yoga, which translates as “joining” or “union”, reflects yoga’s basic mechanism, which is to reunify us with our source of being. Whatever we believe in our hearts about where human beings come from and what we’re doing here, most can agree that to be cut off, lost, and fragmented feels lonely and bad.

Without saying exactly what it is that we are reunifying with, necessarily, yoga erases our existential isolation and reconnects us to the hub of the wheel of life, healing our cosmic attachment trauma.

Then everything else gets better too. When we are in harmony with the higher music of our own lives, we think sane thoughts, feel our emotions inside our heart space, and experience our physical bodies as strong and alive.

This makes us resilient. We feel safe, curious about life and other people, and strong enough to face expected and unexpected challenges. We become unconditionally centered and connected. Even when external events are not what we prefer, we feel our basic goodness, are able to observe our own thoughts without identifying with them, and have trust that whatever transformations will be asked of us, we will come out the other side stronger.

Yoga benefits our mental and emotional bodies as much as our physical ones, bringing us into a state of clarity of mind, while stimulating the heart center to bloom and do its job well, too. When our hearts are working, we are able to feel deep feelings of love, inspiration, and connection. We are also able to move through the darker shades of emotion, experiences like grief and anger, with grace.

What are some ways to practice yoga?

The wonderful thing about yoga is that there are many branches and paths to it. Some ways to explore yoga this month include:

1. Shop around: take a class at each yoga studio near you

Many studios offer a starting deal for you to get the lay of the land. You could take this month as an opportunity to find a “home” yoga studio that’s just right for you.


2. Experiment with different kinds of yoga

Try early morning energizing classes and evening relaxation oriented classes. Try kundalini yoga and yin yoga. Give yourself the month of September to experiment and try everything that sounds intriguing and even intimidating to you. Let your body lead and pay attention to how you feel, what excites you and rises and opens your energy, or what doesn’t.


3. Try yoga online

On YouTube and other channels, many yoga teachers offer free classes, guided meditations, and information about yogic philosophy. Make a goal for yourself for this month, committing deeply to one teacher or trying out different channels. You could do one practice a day for the 30 days of September, or just one practice a week, whatever feels like the right level of challenge for you, that you can genuinely commit to.


4. Create your own practice

If you know a little bit about yoga already and have mastered some poses, design your own routine, making it exactly what you love and need most. It can be short – just 15 minutes long as a start. If you want to, share your pose sequence with others, record a class as a video, and gift it to friends.


5. Mix up the pace

You might like to try holding only a very few poses, but holding them for a longer time, to get the deepening experience. You could dedicate your September to be a restorative, yin yoga month, centered on helping you find greater levels of nurturance and safety. On the flip side, if you’re looking to take your life up a notch, you can try moving through poses more swiftly than you normally do, as a faster, more aerobic experience. Whatever you do, try it for a month and take note of the effects, as a way to find your own, personal path through this ancient healing system.

With any of these, please pay attention to your body, be mindful of its signals, and don’t injure yourself! It’s always better to start slow and build up at a sustainable pace than to rush or push.

What yoga programs do we offer at Villa Kali Ma?

Villa Kali Ma is a holistic treatment program for women struggling with substance abuse, mental health disorders, and trauma. Yoga is a core component of all of our programs.

We use a gentle, trauma-informed therapeutic approach to yoga that accepts all women just as they are coming to us, without judgment or any kind of pressure. At the heart of yoga lies the understanding that each person alive contains a seed of the divine, and is infinitely precious. We feel the same, and we treat each woman who comes through our doors as such.

The way we use yoga is as a key for carefully unlocking the bonds and chains that have shackled a woman to her misery. From our own experiences and our years working with women to recover, we know the special combination of softness and firmness that is required, to be strict in banishing addiction or self-destruction, and yet loving and encouraging to the human heart.

In each of our programs, we hold group yoga classes, meditation, and breath work, with options for individual yoga therapy in one-on-one sessions. In addition, yoga deeply informs our approach to coaching lifestyle changes in mindfulness, sleep, diet, and exercise. We rely on the insights of yoga to help women learn to re-pattern their hearts and minds to more connected, healthy thoughts and emotions.

We invite you to read more about how we use yoga as part of our program for achieving sustainable recovery.

So many of us are looking for peace of mind, to feel better in our bodies, and to have deeper emotional resonance within the structures of our lives – yoga is a way to find these things.

Villa Kali Ma Acknowledges National Yoga Month

Without yoga, Villa Kali Ma wouldn’t be here! As our founder Kay shares in her story, yoga can save a person’s life. If yours needs saving, too, come check us out, sister.

References:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3193654

Categories
Mental Health

September is World Suicide Prevention Month

What is World Suicide Prevention Month?

As anyone who has been touched by suicide knows, death by self-harm creates enormous trauma in the lives of surviving loved ones, friends, and even casual acquaintances. The fabric of human life is torn for generations whenever any violent death takes place, and suicide is one of the worst ways of bringing harm to our collective heart.

Suicide is a leading cause of death in the United States and around the globe, as many heartbroken humans succumb to the supreme tragedy of severe isolation and despair that gives rise to thoughts of ending one’s life.

To be clear, there is no shame to be applied to such individuals, as anyone who has been there knows that the kind of extreme torment suffered by people longing to die isn’t easily judged away. At the same time, it can’t be glorified or glamorized away, either, as though there is anything noble in it because there isn’t anything wholesome about killing anyone, especially oneself.

This September, we at Villa Kali Ma invite you to honor World Suicide Prevention Month together with us. World Suicide Prevention Month is an awareness campaign observed every September, in hopes of strengthening collective commitment to preventing suicide.

To Villa Kali Ma’s mind, suicide is the result of extreme disconnection from one’s own life source, sense of value, and meaning. Addiction can and often does lead to suicide, as do the soul-fragmenting impacts of serious trauma. Several forms of mental illness are linked to self-harm as well.

Through our holistic programs for women, we are committed and devoted to helping to heal these epidemic ills through our daily work.

Why is World Suicide Prevention Month important?

Like addiction, suicide is no respecter of class, race, or any other lines and categories we draw between people in our minds. Suicide can touch any human through its signature mechanism of intense, intolerable pain of the heart and mind.

Although patterns of suffering and trauma run in families and across generational lines in intricate ways, what all suicidal people have in common is a loss of hope and a severe disconnection from their own love.

When the fire of a person’s spirit has gone out, it is important to understand that through contact and connection, the fire can be lit again. When we understand how critical each human life is to the rest of us – how we are all puzzle pieces of a picture that cannot be completed without each person’s contribution – we might remember it is in our own interest to make sure less of us fall through the cracks.

Statistics on women and suicide

According to an analysis of suicide statistics collected from 2001 to 2021, conducted by public health researcher Preeti Vankar, suicide is most common among women ages 45 to 64.

In 2020, 8 in every 100,000 women between the ages of 45 and 54 committed suicide. Although women are three times less likely than men to commit suicide, the rate of women attempting suicide has gradually increased over the last two decades.

According to a study of suicide rates across races and ethnicities published by the CDC by way of the National Center for Health Statistics, suicide rates increased between 1999 and 2017 for all race and ethnicity groups, with non-Hispanic white women showing the greatest rise in rate of suicide among females. Women’s suicide tends to be less violent (less likely to involve firearms than men), as women are more likely to try death by self-asphyxiation or poisoning.

Although completion of a suicide attempt is more common among men, women are more likely than men to experience suicidal thoughts and perform suicidal gestures. Women who suffer from addiction are more likely to experience suicidal ideation, or serious thoughts of suicide, and to attempt to take their own lives.

It is exceptionally important to acknowledge the significantly elevated suicide risk among women who are suffering from addiction, mental illness, and traumatization. Women with these conditions are vulnerable and need protection and support.

What are some facts about suicide?

Suicide is defined as death due to purposeful self-injury with the conscious intention to die. An accidental death by overdose or as a result of self-destructive behavior is not, strictly speaking, considered a suicide in the same way.

Not all efforts to end one’s own life succeed; some remain as suicide attempts. A suicide attempt means that someone intended genuinely to take their own life, but they were not successful.

It’s important to understand the degree of seriousness behind an attempt, as some expressions of self-harm are meant as ways of crying out for help, whereas others are more serious attempts to die. When a person has a serious intention to die, they will likely try again and must be protected and supported in greater measure.

People who have experienced other kinds of violence, including sexual violence, bullying, and child abuse, are more likely to attempt to commit suicide.

According to statistics presented by the CDC, suicide rates increased by around a third between 2000 and 2022. In 2022 alone, almost 50,000 Americans died by suicide, and the estimate for those experiencing suicidal thoughts was 13 million. Almost 4 million people planned a suicide attempt, and more than 1 million people attempted suicide but did not die.

The importance of taking care of your mental health

With statistics like these, we cannot afford to ignore the positive effects of proactively caring for mental health and all that that entails. While at large as a culture we have dismissed the stirrings of the soul, emotions, and the need for connection as secondary to productivity and external markers of success, our inner lives cannot be ignored without cost to all of us.

Therefore, in honor of World Suicide Prevention Month, we here at Villa Kali Ma invite you to consider how, when you take good care of your own mental health, including your soul, spirit, and physical body, you are helping the whole collective to learn how to have greater care for all of mankind.

When we have good mental health, we enjoy the following protective factors:

Greater Resilience

Self-Esteem

Positive, Healthy Relationships

Balanced Quality of Life

Greater Sense of Purpose and Calling

Career Success and Personal Productivity

More frequent experiences of Joy and Inspiration

What are some reasons you can think of, to practice good mental health habits?

Here are some thoughts of ours:

  1. When we fill ourselves up with love, self-care, healthy boundaries, and positive thoughts, we have a wellspring of soothing, hopeful, honoring energy to share with others
  2. When we honor the life inside ourselves unconditionally, whether we meet externally imposed standards of success or not, we promote the practice of loving and including all people, just as they are, no matter what, as part of the family of life
  3. We can live our lives in a way that shows that we value human life and that it is something to cherish and give thanks for. When we treat ourselves and those closest to us as precious, important, irreplaceable beloveds, we are helping the world’s soul remember its own unconditional value.

Depression can lead to suicide

Certain mental health patterns, such as depression and most especially bipolar disorder, are strongly linked to suicide.

It’s important to understand that persistent suicidal thoughts often accompany these conditions. Suicidal thoughts should never be taken as less than very, very serious symptoms. We can only hope that these thoughts are more metaphorical than literal, but we would never want to take that chance and assume that a person won’t one day act on that thought.

Such thoughts cannot be easily batted away when the spirit of a person is eclipsed by depression patterns, which represent a very serious sickness of mind and heart. With compassion, we must understand how a person can become entranced by the voice of suicide when one dances too closely with the dark, as people with these disorders cannot help but do (until they are able to heal from these conditions).

It stands to reason that those who are in intense suffering without a break may find themselves thinking about suicide if only out of desperation and hope that the suffering would end with death. For such people, the goal is to help them have hope and to imagine and see a future.

It is also helpful, if the suffering person has anyone they care about, to realistically understand and consider whom they would harm if they acted on the thoughts and harmed themselves. People who are depressed have an extremely negative image of themselves, in which they imagine that they are so terrible, that no one could love them or get any joy out of their presence. We must help people in this state understand how far off these thoughts are.

Has suicide worsened since COVID-19?

Some reports showed that the impact of what took place between 2020 and 2022 has been to increase the rate of suicide.

Recently some of these claims are refined as more data emerges. The current view shared by the National Institute of Mental Health says rather that the increase in suicide rates affects teenagers, but that other categories remained stable.

In general, researchers will learn more over time, and current data could be interpreted in different ways.

How can you get involved in Suicide Prevention Month?

This September, think creatively about how you might support all people to know that their lives are valuable, meaningful, and necessary in this world. Here are some ideas for ways to honor the spirit of the month.

1. Tell your people you love them

Make sure everyone around you knows how much you value them, unconditionally. Not only for what they do for you but for who they are.


2. Offer to hold space for someone

Everyone can use a little compassionate witnessing. If you sense someone in your life may be going through a hard time, offer to sit and listen to them, without offering advice or trying to fix it. Help them feel safe to share the truth of what they’re going through by modeling an attitude of peace and non-judgment.


3. Share your own experiences

If you have any experience with depression and suicidal thoughts, talk to people openly about how you got out of that particular spell. What was the cure that your spirit gave you, for this particular poison? How did it show up in your life? What actions did you need to take? Who helped you?


4. Give Thanks to the People Who Help You Feel Valued

If there are people in your life who help take care of you, and help you feel connected and important just as you are, make sure these people know that you feel and appreciate their love. Shine a light on the ways that they are helping to hold you in this world, connected and secure in the strands of the web of life.

Our individual therapy program can assist women thinking of suicide and self-harm

At Villa Kali Ma, we offer several paths of healing that all lead to the same place – a full and total reconnection to life.

One way we help women get there is through our individual therapy program, which is integrated into each of our programs for substance abuse, mental illness, and trauma.

Read more about how we protect and promote women’s well-being through individual therapy sessions.

Villa Kali Ma Cares About Women’s Mental Health

Women are at the heart and core of Villa Kali Ma. We offer addiction and mental health recovery programs to heal women from substance abuse, trauma, and mental health problems, including depression.

In our integrative sustainable recovery programs, we guide women to discover their inherent, eternal value, and teach them how to live in joy and self-love. From abiding awareness of one’s own lovability, self-harm becomes impossible.

References:

https://www.statista.com/statistics/1114127/female-suicide-rate-in-the-us-by-age-group/
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/hestat/suicide/rates_1999_2017.htm
https://www.statista.com/statistics/1130500/suicide-thoughts-plans-attempts-women-us-by-substance-use-disorder/
https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/facts/index.html#cdcreference_3
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/news/science-news/2023/youth-suicide-rates-increased-during-the-covid-19-pandemic
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9331016/

Categories
Mental Health

Natural Remedies for Anxiety

Passing states of worry, unease, edginess, and even fear are so commonly experienced that we might call them an ordinary part of life.

When life situations are uncertain, as they so often are, and we’re not completely sure what we may ourselves may be called upon to do in order to resolve them, it’s natural to tense up. The unknown is felt in the body as a kind of question, waiting to be answered.

There are also many factors of contemporary life that trigger the body at the nervous system level to signal possible dangers – sudden loud noises, pollution, chaotic energies, and information overload can all be processed by the body through tension in our stomachs, restricted breathing, and racing hearts.

For some of us, chronic fear becomes a burden of its own. Anxiety is a problem when it seriously disrupts our lives when we are unable to relax fully after the resolution of a situation, and when it starts to create physical and mental health problems for us.

Women are more likely than men to be given a diagnosis of anxiety and are more likely to be prescribed anti-anxiety drugs. This sets us up easily for dependence and eventually addiction, due to the habit-forming properties of these drugs, which can become problematic very quickly.

For those of us struggling with anxiety, there are many good reasons to try working with natural remedies before turning to a prescription. The main concern is that anti-anxiety drugs are not only very quickly addictive but also wane in effectiveness, meaning that they are not a real solution, only a postponement of the inevitable.

On the positive side, anxiety is responsive to many natural interventions, including lifestyle changes like better exercise, sleep, and eating patterns.

What are natural remedies for anxiety?

Anxiety treatments are considered natural if they do not involve prescription medications. Herbs, nutritional supplements, aromatherapy, exercise, and mindfulness practices are examples of natural remedies for anxiety.

From Villa Kali Ma’s point of view, the most important natural remedies for anxiety to know about are exercise, movement, yoga poses, breath work, and parasympathetic nervous system stimulation.

Regular Exercise

Exercise is the most potent natural mental health intervention. This is because when the body is exercised to appropriate levels of physical exhaustion, many beneficial physiological changes take place within the body.

Natural hormones and neurotransmitters that calm and soothe the body are triggered to flow through the entire body system through exercise. Exercise always works in a pinch, and can be used on the spot to avert a panic attack, because it interrupts the body from effectively creating the anxious state.


Release through Movement

The body creates anxious feelings by restricting breath, tensing muscles, and increasing the heart rate. The body is preparing for action because it believes us to be in danger. Once prepared for action, it’s hard to release those energies without actually taking some kind of intense physical action.

We can help ourselves release anxiety by moving the body vigorously. The best way to do it is to let the body do what it’s trying to do, rather than to work against the body. Anxiety is the body’s attempt to create safety through running away or fighting. Therefore quick, very energetic exercises that allow the body to use up the urge to run and fight will release the anxious state most directly.

The trick is to move the body until you feel like you are at your fitness limit, out of breath, warmed up, and heart pounding. You may want to mimic punching or fighting motions, such as those used in martial arts.

Exhaustion can be achieved quickly, depending on your fitness level, by running, doing squats or push-ups, HIIT, jumping jacks, or anything else that quickly spends your excess energy and gets you into a state of full body activation.


Calming Yoga Poses

Other forms of exercise that are helpful for anxiety include calming, regulating poses such as those taught in yoga, which stimulate adrenal glands directly, and other parts of the body, to induce the relax and release stage. Therefore, if vigorous physical activity isn’t available, you may also be able to interrupt an anxiety attack through poses like forward bends and child’s pose, or gentle twists.


Breath Work

The trick to using breathwork for anxiety is to shorten the in-breath and to lengthen the out-breath. During anxiety, we over-oxygenate through hyperventilation, because the body is preparing for a fight or flight situation. As described above, we can help the body by allowing the body to experience vigorous physical exercise, which will give it the opportunity to mimic fight or flight sufficiently, so it can calm down.

If this isn’t an option, we can also support the body to trigger calm down by consciously inducing the relaxation mode, through the breath.
This can be quickly achieved, much more quickly than we might imagine, through following simple breathing patterns, such as box breath.

Box breath goes like this:

Breathe in for a count of 4 full seconds (one Mississippi, two…)
Hold your breath for a count of 4 seconds
Breathe out for a count of 4 seconds
Hold for a count of 4 seconds
Start again with the 4-second inbreath. Do this whole cycle 4 times. At the end of the 4 cycles, pause to check how you’re feeling, and repeat as many times as may be necessary.

Allow the body to shake, tremble, or gasp if it does, this is part of the discharging of energy.


Parasympathetic Nervous System Stimulation

Finally, another powerful tool to know about is parasympathetic nervous system stimulation. There are many tools and techniques that can be relatively quickly and easily applied, such as this hand space which uses the hands, and this one, which is a gentle vagus nerve stimulator.

Experiment with gentle, easy ways to trigger the vagus nerve. You may want to check out our post on using the Voo Sound, popularized by trauma work pioneer Peter Levine. Further, a quick search on YouTube for “vagus nerve reset” will guide you to many other easy tutorials that demonstrate the principle.

All in all, to quickly encourage the body to release the anxious state, the most important is to go through the body. When the body is appropriately allowed and supported to release the anxious state, the thoughts will gradually calm down.

What does not help is thinking, or mental looping, as this reinforces the tunnel vision and restricted thinking that goes along with anxiety. It is hard to stop thinking during an anxiety attack, therefore going through the body is much easier. Calm the body first, and the mind will follow.

What is anxiety?

Anxiety is a very uncomfortable state of being, which has physiological aspects as well as mental and emotional components.

At the physical level, it is experienced as inability to be still, difficulty breathing, rapid heartbeat, sweating, muscle and stomach tension.

At the emotional level, anxiety is felt as a degree of fear, ranging from dread, panic, and terror, to vague unease.

Mentally, anxiety is characterized by worries and obsessions, looping thoughts, and preoccupations with “what ifs…”

What are the signs and symptoms of anxiety?

Chronic anxiety shows up in many ways. Anxiety is strongly correlated with stress and is sometimes indistinguishable. Anxiety generates many health problems, such as stomach and digestion problems, muscle pain, and lowered immunity. Some physical signs that you may have anxiety include high blood pressure, stomach problems, and muscle tension.

Anxiety is most commonly diagnosed because of mental or emotional distress, such as being burdened with worry, tension, and the inability to relax. When you are unable to dismiss worries, especially when you realize that they are out of balance, but you are unable to let them go, that is anxiety. If you are familiar with states of intense dread and panic, you are likely dealing with anxiety.

What are the different types of anxiety?

Anxiety comes in many shapes and forms, with different diagnoses. The most common types of anxiety are generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, phobias, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder. These conditions are related because they all have to do with fear and maladaptive attempts to cope with intense unease.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder is diagnosed when people experience the symptoms of anxiety to a life-disrupting degree, and when the anxiety appears throughout their lives (is “generalized”).

Panic disorder is diagnosed when a person experiences panic attacks.

Phobias refer to anxiety that is centered around specific topics, such as social phobia when we fear social connection and contact with groups or other people.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a form of anxiety that involves compulsive behavior and obsessive thoughts.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is diagnosed when the anxiety is clearly connected to specific traumas.

When is it best to get help for anxiety?

Some anxiety is completely normal – we all go in and out of states of tension, and having anxiety isn’t anything to feel ashamed of or to take on board as a fault or failing. We have all been socially trained to think negative thoughts and to keep ourselves in states of edginess. Furthermore, almost all of us sustain some form of lighter or heavier trauma.

If anxiety is making your life miserable, we here at Villa Kali Ma extend you our compassion, and we encourage you to get some kind of help. That help doesn’t have to be clinical, though it could be. Anxiety can be helpfully treated through many different paths, including yoga, diet, meditation, even massage and essential oils. You should be able to find a kind of help that fits you and who you are, what you value, and what you really need.

The loneliness of any mental health condition is usually a big component of the suffering and can be greatly lessened by reaching out to someone who will connect with you kindly to help you find a solution.

What treatment programs does Villa Kali Ma have that can assist women with anxiety?

Villa Kali Ma addresses anxiety through our women’s mental health treatment program, and through our dedicated trauma facility. Healing anxiety is also a part of recovery from substance abuse, as most substances disrupt our ability to self-regulate our emotions, so we address it in our addiction treatment programs.

It can be helpful to know that the strong majority of women who turn to substances to cope with their lives have experienced some measure of traumatization, and frequently qualify for an anxiety disorder.

Overall, the interactions between alcohol, drugs, anxiety, trauma, and mental health are complex and require thoughtful, attentive care to unravel and treat. It can be done, though! We know, because we’ve helped many women free themselves already.

Why is holistic treatment most ideal for anxiety?

We at Villa Kali Ma strongly favor holistic treatment for anxiety for one simple reason: the existing mainstream medical solutions, prescription anxiolytic drugs, do not work except as an instant fix. They do not cure the underlying condition, and instead lead to addiction. To us, this is not a solution, but rather a trap.

Holistic treatments sometimes take longer and require that we do hard work to change at deep levels (though that work is not as hard as we may fear). However, changes made through holistic treatment are longer lasting, have no side effects, and have the upside of leading us into greater, kinder contact with ourselves.

That said, we integrate our holistic approaches with the Western medical model for a reason. For us, it is not an either-or, but rather a case of both models working together.

Villa Kali Ma supports natural remedies for anxiety

Villa Kali Ma offers many natural treatment paths for healing anxiety. We treat women’s anxiety with nutrition, yoga, mindfulness, creative arts therapies, outdoor therapies, massage therapy, aromatherapy, and body psychotherapy (somatic therapy), in addition to the most effective psychotherapy approaches available.

References:

Hand Space I Arizona Trauma Institute I Somatic Exercises

Micro Movements I Arizona Trauma Institute I Somatic Exercises

Categories
Mental Health

Happy Women’s Equality Day

In times of turmoil, it’s good to remember that change is possible.

How do we know change is possible? Because there have been many extraordinary moments in our collective past when positive leaps of societal evolution took place seemingly out of nowhere.

Women’s Equality Day celebrated every August 26th since the early 1970s, is intended to honor one such significant moment in history.

What is Women’s Equality Day?

Before 1920, women were prohibited by law from voting in any elections. Women were presumed to be politically irrelevant, even too delicate for the difficulties of politics.

Of course, many women did not see it the same way, but since women’s voices were not represented, it was difficult to change public perception. To this day, equality remains a disputed topic.

Since the passing of the nineteenth amendment to the United States Constitution in 1920, women have been participating in politics in greater measure, as voters as well as elected representatives.

Achieving the right to vote was an important milestone for women because it meant that women had to be reckoned with in the political sphere. Once women gained the right to vote, candidates running for office needed to inform themselves and show some measure of care for topics close to women’s hearts, in order to get elected.

Gradually, through political action and other channels, the subjective experience of women gained visibility and greater understanding within the larger collective consciousness. Women gradually became protagonists in the story of life, and not only objects and side characters, just there to support the narratives of men.

What is the history of Women’s Equality Day?

In the early 1970s, 50 years after the proclamation which granted the women’s vote was signed into law by then-Secretary of State Bainbridge Colby, Women’s Equality Day was officially designated by Congress as a day to celebrate and recognize the importance of women’s suffrage.

A proclamation was introduced by New York Congresswoman Bella Abzug in 1971 and again in 1973, as debates and struggles over the (still controversial) topic of the Equal Rights Amendment took place all around the nation. Abzug’s proclamation was a response to the 1970 Women’s Strike for Women’s Equality.

In 1972, President Richard Nixon issued a proclamation officially recognizing August 26th as Women’s Rights Day, and in 1973 Congress approved the resolution, changing the name to Women’s Equality Day. Since then, each President has rededicated August 26th in honor of Women’s Equality.

What is the importance of Women’s Equality Day?

Women who grew up with the right to vote may not have full appreciation for the bitter nature of the struggle that was necessary to bring women’s equality to the light of national attention. As unsupportive of the female principle as our current social structure is, the situation was worse in the generations immediately before us, in which basic rights of protection and recognition of our subject-hood were not given. It’s an important reminder to preserve and protect what we cherish, which our foremothers sought to ensure for us.

As all generations of women stand on the shoulders of those before us, it’s important to understand and recognize what women before us fought for, and what they overcame.

Women’s Equality Day is important because it reminds us to never forget the power of people coming together with a positive purpose.

What are ways to honor Women’s Equality Day?

Express Your Point of View

If you appreciate your right to vote, to have an opinion, political or otherwise, and to express your personal point of view, say thank you in your heart right now to the women who came before us.

You may also celebrate them and what they gave so that we could be free, by exercising those freedoms now, for example by speaking your mind!

Use your politically-protected right to express yourself by sharing what you see, what you feel, and what you sense about yourself, each other, and our world. Your subjectivity matters.


Enjoy Being You

In 2024, American women have the most freedom to be themselves we have ever had in recorded history. We are free to compete, to win, to be strong, to be creative, to be intelligent.

Perhaps most important of all, we are free to live our lives from within, as the authors of our own experience and not only as an object of another person’s lens. We have the opportunity to live our lives from the inside out, and not the other way around.

We are here not only to be looked at but also to look. We are active, organic, alive intelligence in a human body, representing the feminine principle and perspective, as grandmothers, daughters, sisters, wives, girlfriends, partners, elders, matriarchs, leaders, and more.

Enjoy your freedom to be a person, unique and individual in all the beautiful ways you actually are, by actually being you, whatever that looks like today. Be as authentic as you can. Forgive yourself for not matching the impossible standard. Let yourself be you. This is a freedom worth cherishing.

What are ways to support Women’s Equality Day?

If Women’s Equality Day means something to you, talk about it to people in your life. Reflect on what it means that just over a century ago, we were considered politically irrelevant, presumed to not have anything of value to contribute to the political sphere. If you disagree with that, speak up and contribute. Shine your light, and share your piece!

You may also want to go out of your way to lend extra support and recognition to women you know who are holding it down in a difficult spot, or who are pioneering in their field. Watch movies made by women, listen to women’s music, support women-owned businesses, and learn more about women’s experiences.

Every moment, in every day, we are gradually shifting this “man’s world” back to a world in which men and women are equal partners in the co-creation of our social structure, sharing power in mutual appreciation, recognition, and protection of all.

Villa Kali Ma supports Women’s Equality Day

At Villa Kali Ma, as a women-centered business providing services for women, we support Women’s Equality Day! We value women – ourselves and the women in our lives. That’s why we’re devoted to helping all women everywhere experience the freedom of healing profoundly from trauma, addiction, and mental illness.  The more women are healed, the more we can heal the rest of the world too.

Happy Women’s Equality Day to all! 

Categories
Mental Health

How to Maintain Mental Health from Summer to Fall

Seasonal Changes Affect Women’s Mental Health

The annual shift from the warm, lazy days of summer to the cooling, darkening days of fall can and often does affect women’s feelings, stirring melancholy to rise up to the surface.

Many of us feel echoes of loss and the hints of winter’s upcoming celebrations and darkness. The changes in sunlight, temperature, and return to time indoors can stimulate and disrupt us.

For those of us who have a harder time keeping an even keel, we may suffer during changes of season. Fall can feel like a wind sweeping through, stirring us up and scattering us around.

Is it hard to trust the natural shifts and changes in our own inner and outer worlds? Do we turn depressed or anxious, destabilized, or fall into painful states of being? If so, we may need extra attention and TLC to adjust.

How can we accept these natural, predictable yearly shifts? How can we prepare for the upcoming transition into fall and winter?

Here are some ideas from Villa Kali Ma, as to how we might embrace the wisdom of nature’s seasonal shifts and go more gracefully into the next chapter.

Do women struggle with mental health more in the summer or fall season?

Seasonal Affective Disorder is triggered by the change of season, most commonly kicking in around the fall. Although some women struggle with summer, too, more of us tend to struggle at the end of summer, as darker seasons appear on the horizon.

This struggle shifting from summer to fall has natural and social components. In part, we are affected by changes in sunlight, the amount of outdoor time (nature and being outdoors are healing and regulating, and good for mental health), and dropping temperatures.

At the same time, many women are affected by the long-reinforced pattern of fall being a back-to-school time of year, as well as anticipation of the winter holidays, which bring family topics to the fore.

Signs of Seasonal Affective Disorder include losing energy, feelings of sadness, and a dropping away of feelings of connection, purpose, and inspiration.

We also might find ourselves turning to self-soothing behaviors like overeating or spending aimless time on the internet or phone, as our old coping behaviors appear in response to the increase of sadness and pain internally.

What are some ways women can maintain their mental health in the fall?

Take Care of the Body

When it comes to maintaining a better state of being during the shift of seasons, there are many body-oriented hacks that help.

Focus on nutrition, taking advantage of the sun when it is there, good workouts, sufficient sleep, and weekly time in nature. In general, when we keep our bodies happy and supplied with mood-regulating hormones through these natural practices, our state of mind will be much more resilient.

Stay in Connection

Connection with others is key to reducing isolation. Think of ways you could get more emotional contact with safe support during this time. People in recovery can double up on meetings, or attend a recovery-themed retreat. If you’re in therapy, you might consider scheduling some extra sessions, following the principle that prevention is the best medicine. Dedicated time having fun with positive friends and loved ones may do the trick, too.

Embrace the Season

Deliberately enjoying the best sides of a season can help, too. If we consciously choose to enjoy the golden light of Indian Summer, the arrival of squash and pumpkins at the farmers market, or the smell of drying walnut leaves, whatever it is that we personally love, we can align ourselves with the beauties of the season.

Journal to Prepare for Fall

Here is a suggestion for a journal writing prompt about the seasonal shift:

What do I love most about this time of year?

How might I get the most out of what this time of year offers?

What is hardest for me about this time of year?

How might I protect and care for myself during the difficult sides of this season?

What does fall mean to me personally? What does it mean to nature? What does it mean to my fellow humans?

Make a Fall Self Care Plan

If you think about it, each season is only 3 months long. Can we make and commit to a 90-day plan? If that feels too long, go month-by-month, starting with September. Think about what you can put on the calendar that will help you feel loved, supported, and treated like you matter.

Here is a way you could put that plan together.

Step One: Brainstorm

Free write and get out everything you think and feel about how you could have a good experience of this season, fall 2024.

I believe I can have a positive experience this fall by…

My vulnerabilities and areas of need this fall are…


Step Two: Remember Your Tools

Now that you’ve thought about the season from the bigger picture point of view, generate a list of all of your tools.

Be creative. Self-care can mean a lot of things. In our opinion here at Villa Kali Ma, a good self-care plan will address these very important pieces at the very least:

-Body – exercise, nutrition, sleep

-Emotions – feeling our feelings, connecting with others, releasing

–Inner Child – connecting with ourselves, having creative fun and giving ourselves our attention, scheduling things that will give us joy

-Support – getting help, contact, and connection with others

What are 10 tools I have that support my body to be happy?

-I can sleep in on the weekends

-I can make myself green juice

-I can go to yoga 3 X a week…

What are 10 tools I have that support my emotional health?

What are 10 tools I have to give love to my inner child?

What are 10 tools I have to help myself get support from others that help me?


Step Three: Put Self-Care on the Calendar

Whatever you came up with in your brainstorm and your list of tools, take a few pieces out and put them on the calendar. Choose low-hanging fruits, things that feel easy, fun, doable, and energizing. Where there are foreseeable difficulties, see if you can couch them between acts of self-care. Make a plan that feels good to you personally.

Villa Kali Ma offers mental health programs

Villa Kali Ma is a unique healing facility dedicated to helping women experience true mental health and happiness, at the deepest levels of being. We offer programs to treat traumatization, heal emotional wounds, and repair thoughts about ourselves and the world we inhabit.

Our experienced staff are prepared to address any variation of women’s suffering, and we have many tools, practitioners, and modalities at the ready. We treat addiction, trauma, and mental health troubles with a compassionate and effective blend of Western and Eastern modalities.

Villa Kali Ma supports women’s mental health

Since it was founded, Villa Kali Ma has served women’s mental health loyally, bringing innovative, alternative, and evidence-based breakthroughs to women in need of healing. We unite the best of the West with the ancient healing wisdom from the East.

Categories
Mental Health

PMDD vs PMS

Most women can relate to experiencing a dip in mood about a week before menstruation, and the irritability, sensitivity, and vulnerability that well up.

Hormonal ebbs and flows are part of the biologically female experience. Each month, our energies rise and fall according to predictable rhythms.

Across the female population, there are some differences in the degree how which we may experience these hormonal rhythms, with some people experiencing greater distress than others.

While many experience Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS), a small minority of women have a more serious case, known as Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD.)

What is the difference between PMDD and PMS?

PMS may include physical as well as mental health symptoms. It is typical to experience mild to moderate depression, to think more negative thoughts about ourselves, and to perceive our bodies and appearances in a more negative light (perhaps triggered by cravings to eat unhealthy food, bloating, or acne).

We may have less energy, need more sleep, and feel physical tenderness in our breasts or lower back. Monthly experiences of these symptoms are generally considered a normal part of the female experience.

If these symptoms appear around the same time in our cycle every month and go away again once our period starts, they are considered part of Premenstrual Syndrome, which affects many women.

Less commonly, some women have a more severe experience of hormonal fluctuations, in which symptoms are so extreme that they are disruptive. If PMS symptoms are so strong that they significantly affect the way you relate to other people, especially if it extends to how you relate to your work or how you treat people out in the world (not only loved ones at home), that may be a signal of PMDD.

What are the causes of PMDD and PMS?

The origin of PMS and PMDD are not conclusively determined, but an intricate relationship between mood and hormones is established.

Due to the complexity of the human body and the ways that biology informs subjective experience and vice versa, it’s difficult to say where the symptoms come from or to boil their presence down to a single cause.

It can be helpful to know that those with a tendency towards depression will likely experience both PMS and PMDD more severely than those who do not ordinarily experience depressed mood.

What are the signs and symptoms of PMDD and PMS?

Similarities between PMS and PMDD

Broadly speaking, the symptoms of PMS and PMDD are very similar. Both can include changes in mood, greater feelings of vulnerability, and irritability, including crying and negative thoughts. At the physical level, both can give rise to fatigue, food cravings, muscle and joint pain, headaches, bloating, and tender breasts.

Differences between PMS and PMDD

There are some important differences between PMS and PMDD, mainly in the severity of dysphoria.

Depression

Whereas PMS is very often accompanied by mild to moderate depression, it is a sign of PMDD if the sadness or hopelessness is so extreme that it disrupts your life significantly, or if it comes with thoughts of suicide. If you or a loved one are experiencing suicidal thoughts, please get help right away because these can easily become dangerous.


Mood Swings

Similarly, some moodiness is associated with PMS, but dramatic mood swings, overwhelming feelings of anger and being out of control, as well as extreme suddenness in the change of mood are signs you might be dealing with a case of PMDD.


Anxiety

Some women feel anxious as a part of PMS, but strong anxiety is more commonly associated with PMDD. If the anxiety feels like extreme edginess and fear, that is a sign it could be PMDD.

Life Outlook and Self-Care

During PMS, it is normal that some changes to one’s self-care take place, for example, to accommodate lower energy levels. For women experiencing PMDD however, feelings of hopelessness and extreme negative states of mood and mind can lead to dropping all self-care practices and giving up on taking care of important activities in the world.

How are PMDD and PMS diagnosed?

PMS and PMDD are diagnosed in clinical settings, by a doctor or gynecologist. After a discussion of symptoms with your doctor, an assessment is made.

Assessment may include observation of one’s mood and tracking one’s own cycle for a couple of months, to gather data points and to get a better picture of how the symptoms are playing out. This means that you would need to log and journal on your symptoms in relationship to your cycle for a month or two and then bring your observations to your next appointment.

To validate a diagnosis of PMS or PMDD, it would need to be clearly established that your symptoms are linked to your menstrual cycle, starting about a week before your period and going away again once your period finishes.

What is the treatment for PMDD and PMS?

There are different options for women with PMS and PMDD, and the best approaches are integrative, addressing the body as well as the mind.

Lifestyle changes are the most powerful form of support for most mental health problems, including PMS and PMDD.

Improvements in diet, sleep, and exercise are the key. When the body is in its optimal state, hormonal fluctuations can be harmonized. Regular, cyclical changes of energy can be smoothed and softened.

You may also want to consider the benefits of disconnecting from excessive use of technology. Artificial materials, chemicals, and electromagnetic frequency imbalances connected with phones and computers are believed by some to interfere with the body’s functioning. Being more tuned in to entertainment or information, rather than one’s current bodily state, tends to amplify suffering in the longer run.

For any mood disorder, no matter what the origin, a big support may come through doing what what we can to be more aligned with nature, whatever that means to us, and however it is available to us.

Examples of practices that help us line up with nature include sleeping when it’s dark out and waking with the sun, getting enough outdoor time, moving our bodies frequently throughout the day, and eating the freshest foods we can.

Overall, for women with PMS or PMDD, we at Villa Kali Ma would recommend a movement practice (like yoga), some kind of mindfulness practice (such as meditation), as well as regular self-expression through creativity.

It is good to be aware also that trauma, mental health disorders, and active addiction make PMS and PMDD symptoms worse, so if these are at play in your life still, it would be good to get treatment for these. Ideally, a holistically-minded program would be best, to help address all the ways that hormones and mood influence our experiences as women.

Villa Kali Ma can assist women with depression

At Villa Kali Ma we are dedicated to supporting women to heal from trauma, mental illness, and addiction. We use traditional, alternative medicine, and contemporary scientific treatment approaches together as one, taking the best of each to help each woman discover her path to happiness.

If you’re struggling with low mood, alongside your period, or just in general, you might consider some of our programs for women. We take a compassionate, curious approach to suffering and its antidotes. We would love to meet you and hear your story!

Categories
Mental Health

Mental Health and New Year’s Resolutions Can Impact Mental Health

Happy New Year, Dear Villa Kali Ma Readers!

Goodbye, 2023, thank you for all you brought. Hello 2024, nice to meet you!

Dear readers, on behalf of Villa Kali Ma, I wish you all the best in this new cycle. May you find yourself face to face with a year of brightness, saturation, and depth, of feeling real in your own body and present in your story.

Like many people, I have mixed feelings about the time of year when we release the last year and welcome in the new.

I like that the year ends with a bang of celebration, a culmination of what came before. I like lights, mystery, and presents. I like laughing around the fireplace with the people who’ve known me longer than I’ve known myself, even if there’s a little pain mixed in.

But sometimes, releasing into the openness of time, I can feel a little lost. An old familiar stab of dread or uncertainty, facing the unassigned, undefined wilds of a new episode of life.

Today I’m wondering if you, like me, face the yearly bugaboo of resolutions – whether or not this year will be the year we finally make that change? Will we finally get it together, will we master ourselves, and overcome our gift for self-defeat?

The Statistics of Change

New Year’s Resolutions are a dazzling failure for the majority of people who make them. Statistics indicate a rather bleak outlook, with only 8% of people who make resolutions for the year following up on them, and a staggering 80% of people relinquishing their vows through an unceremonious giving up by February.

This makes me sad, as it implies something half-hearted or incomplete in us, a failure of will.

For those with addiction, failed willpower is no surprise – we know this one inside and out. How can we will ourselves to make positive changes, when we fear in our hearts that we belong to our self-destruction?

Can we be serious about serving the life force within us, even in as small a way as to meet a personal fitness goal – when we have known ourselves in the past to serve another, uncannier element? Something that pulled us down into the dark?

This changes with recovery, of course. Through the ordinary but still awe-inspiring miracles of recovery, we can develop and embody the vulnerable, brave commitment to thrive, after all.

We learn that it is possible to live in an upward spiral that grows towards the sun. This takes place verifiably, despite the feeling about ourselves that persists in the beginning, sometimes quiet, sometimes shouting, that somehow we and the world would be better if we weren’t even here.

Tut, it is a lie of course! (And even we know it somewhere deep down). But still, with such an omnipresence of the voices of the forces of the inner enemy, how do we know for sure we will prevail? (We don’t. We surrender to the life inside us again, who prevails for us. Through us, on our behalf, out of love for us, keeping us together, after all. We ask for a miracle, and we say thank you when it comes).

In recovery, we break the statistics of our past behavior, showing to ourselves and others that there is, in fact, an eye of calm at the center of the hurricane of every person who once belonged to addiction. We can live a life that keeps to the eye, stays in the center, and wreaks no havoc. We can be the center of a bell, bringing harmonies and beauties through our vibration.

What Are Some Reasons That Lead People to Quit Their New Year Resolutions?

Statistics say almost half of the people making resolutions already know while resolving that they will fail. What an idea! My heart goes out to the person, writing down, saying to themselves, declaring to others, “I will!”, already knowing that they will not.

Why is it that we fail in our resolutions? How is our resolve so weak? Here are some possibilities that could be affecting us.

1. Forced Timing

The timing of the New Year may or may not coincide with a personal cycle or readiness for change. Personal change has its season. We need to listen to ourselves and not always join in the collective for a once-a-year change, but ask ourselves – what do I want to change, when is a good time to make this change, how can I support this change?


2. Shoulds Versus Desires

Sometimes resolutions fail because they’re not desired changes, but rather a sense of “should”. Perhaps we feel that we should quit drinking because other people want us to, or because we judge ourselves. That is not the same thing as having decided to enter the transformational liberating fires of a new life.


3. Realistic Cost and Benefit Analysis

Some resolutions fail because they do not take into account the existing system and its homeostatic advantages. Whatever we do, we do because it works for us, one way or another.

We cannot decide to go all in on a change before we have answered these questions:

What are all the advantages of staying the same, of not making this particular change?

What, on the other hand, does it cost me to stay the same, not making this particular change?

What benefit will come to me from making this change?

What might be difficult for me about making this change?

Am I willing to undergo this difficulty for the sake of positive change? Does the potential benefit of making this change outweigh the potential cost?

How Can a Person Create Healthy Resolutions?

If we have lined up our will and we are committed to a change, the rest is relatively easy in comparison.

The key to how we can support ourselves to succeed lies in recasting resolutions as goals.

Goals are smaller, more targeted, and more time-based. As the SMART acronym reminds us, helpful goals are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant (to your values and what you want to achieve), and time-based.

Try this format for setting a new kind of resolution:

WHAT – Desired Outcome – written in the present tense, as if already fulfilled: eg, I speak Spanish fluently.

WHY – Reason for Outcome – written in terms of your values, again as if already fulfilled: eg, I speak Spanish fluently because I value foreign languages, learning, other cultures, reading Pablo Neruda in the original, etc.

SMART GOAL:

For January, I will spend 15 minutes a day on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, on my Spanish language learning app. I will reevaluate and set a new frame for continuing at the end of January. If I miss a day, that’s okay, but then I need to make it up to myself on one of the other days.

Then ask yourself – is this a SMART goal? Is it:

Specific enough?

Measurable enough?

Attainable enough?

Relevant enough to my WHAT and my WHY?

Time-based enough?

Villa Kali Ma Can Help You With Your Goals

A mile is walked one step at a time. What if you want to walk very many miles?

Goals can be laid out like a map of a walk across the country. Perhaps there is a very long way to go. But if we are realistic with ourselves, about how much can reasonably, sustainably be walked in each walking session, how many breaks we need, and when and where to rest, we could quite believably achieve it. As they say, where there’s a will, there’s a way.

Goals build on themselves. Those who set reasonable, realistic goals for themselves are more likely to achieve success. To achieve success at smaller goals, we build confidence in ourselves. Our confidence then comes from our own experience.  Of course I can do this challenging thing. I have done challenging things before.

If you have trauma, addiction, or mental illness of any kind, the chance that you are dealing with inner ambivalence about making a positive change is pretty high. This is because everything inside of our psyches is balanced carefully to cope with the symptoms of our pain.

The traumatized among us are scared to change because we haven’t yet learned how to cope with our overwhelming inner worlds. We know, consciously or unconsciously, that any behavior change, even deciding to meditate for 15 minutes a day, could bring up difficult material which we will then need to figure out a way to deal with. Dread and agitation have us captive.

If this is you – have compassion for yourself. Traumatization is very, very challenging in ways the average person does not recognize. You deserve all the gentleness in the world for recovering your simple right, ability, and confidence to change and grow.

Take it slow, get help if you can. Make just feeling okay inside your skin without substances and other self-destructive behaviors your primary goal, perhaps your only resolution. Everything else will come with time.

As always, we at Villa Kali Ma are here to help, sister.

Categories
Mental Health

Tips to Manage Post-Holiday Blues

Holiday Feelings

For many of us, the holidays are a time of mixed feelings. Whatever our family situation looks like – whether we’re surrounded by loved ones, celebrating with friends, or in solitude – most of us tend to revisit our feelings about ourselves and our families of origin this time of year.

If we live in the northern hemisphere, nature supports us to spend time indoors, as well, through colder weather and shortened daylight hours. As we know, time spent indoors and in darkness tends to bring out the blue notes.

Paused in our normal routines, we might be eating more, exercising less, suddenly more or less social than we’re accustomed to, as well.

The activity of the holidays leads inevitably towards an afterward time of interiority and pause. Reflection on what has come before, and preparation for what we imagine or hope will come next.

Whether our feelings during the end of the year are positive or painful, it’s a good idea to remember and validate for ourselves that the holidays are a big deal. Even joy, togetherness, connection, and celebration can be a lot to hold. When they’re over, we end up with a lot to process.

What Are Post-Holiday Blues?

There’s a phenomenon called the “post-holiday blues”. Post-holiday blues are temporary feelings that set in after the holidays are over, triggered by returning to normal life and starting a new year after a period of holiday intensity.

Post-holiday blues can include loneliness, sadness, flare-ups of low self-esteem, and a desire to check out of reality. Self-destructive, distracting patterns of behavior can show up. We may realize we’re avoiding our feelings.

These January blues can easily spread to one’s thoughts about the upcoming year, giving us a false expectation of what’s to come based on feeling depleted, let down, or moody now.

If you find yourself with a case of post-holiday “meh” this January, don’t worry. You’re not alone – it’s just the blues. Like all symptoms and struggles, your feelings are knocking at your door, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

Times of melancholy are always an invitation to greater self-intimacy – some valuable get-to-know-you time spent with yourself.

What Triggers Post-Holiday Blues?

For some people, post-holiday blues kick in when we start missing the positive feelings associated with the holidays. If you tend to look forward to and enjoy the energy of the holidays, you might simply be feeling disappointed and let down that they’re over.

The inner child, the one inside us who gets excited about celebrations, presents, sweets, magic, and fun, can easily be a source of sadness once the holidays have concluded.

If this is you, the cure lies in connecting with your inner child nature, helping her understand how life works, and that there will be other positive experiences coming soon in the future. Reassurance that it’s perfectly natural and okay with you (speaking to the inner child from the point of view of the inner parent inside you) to feel like this now is sometimes all that’s needed.

On the positive side, the inner child is easily cheered by small pleasures of human life – going for a sloshy walk in rain boots, collecting leaves and pebbles, and getting out into the momentum of life is often enough. Knowing that it’s your inner child who’s sad about the end of a bright time and that all she needs is some cheering up, may be enough to turn the tide.

Love, Guilt, and Frustration: Those Family Feelings

For many of us, the holidays bring up very complicated feelings that we aren’t able to fully process until we’re back in our lives again. Once we have space, time, and enough privacy, the feelings we couldn’t afford to feel in the moment come to us to be felt.

Things like seeing family members who for whatever reason have the effect of making us feel bad about ourselves, re-exposure to triggering family dynamics and old roles, being around alcohol or other drugs, and the pressure and stress to join together as a family unit again without too much friction can create a lot of tension in the body.

Pent-up, suppressed frustrations about even little petty family squabbles can easily turn inward into depression. We start telling ourselves there’s something wrong with us, rather than listening to the small but important voices within who are still feeling angry, hurt, or upset about all the “little things” that happened during the holidays.

If this is you, validate that you have every right to feel anger. As long as you don’t lash out at people, anger is just information and boundaries, it’s not anything bad about you. Women especially often need help knowing anger is normal, and that we are not alone in feeling irritation or even anger when having contact with family members.

If we don’t understand anger, we feel guilty. Anger isn’t the opposite of love, and doesn’t mean we’re bad people. Anger is just information about the edges of ourselves, where we need help having healthy separateness.

We’re all in the same boat ultimately. Everyone feels anger and frustration when needs aren’t met, and when boundaries are crossed, intentionally or unintentionally. Most of us also feel bad about it because we don’t want to hurt our loved ones or make them feel bad either.

If you’re experiencing that guilt-anger-love hangover this season, see if you can be kind to yourself about the fact that you’re angry, and don’t make a negative self-image out of it. Instead, try a “just like me” statement to soothe yourself.

Just like me, people all over the world struggle with loving their families and also needing to have a separate self

Just like me, people all over the world feel angry and guilty around their families sometimes

What Are Some Facts About Individuals Experiencing Post-Holiday Blues?

As a seasonal, time-specific kind of depression, post-holiday blues haven’t been extensively studied, but some studies on the effects of the holidays do exist. One review of holiday-related studies concludes that while the holidays themselves aren’t associated with a change in mental health status for most, the season is followed by a noticeable rise in people experiencing dysphoria, or low moods.

It is also very likely that seasonal affective disorder is at play in the phenomenon as well, at least in the northern hemisphere, as the holidays mark the start of the winter season.

Those who experience post-holiday blues may be able to link them to the after-effects of stress, related to weeks of seasonal shopping, preparation and managing of group gatherings, increased eating and drinking, disruption of normal routines, the impacts of air travel and driving, being a guest or hosting guests, and in general, revisiting family dynamics.

When Are Post-Holiday Blues Considered Serious?

The post-holiday blues are most likely a passing, temporary mood disorder. You can expect that you will regulate and reset your normal mental health status within a few weeks. Your body, emotions, and mind just need some time to process everything that happened, feel the feelings, and make space for the next thing.

On the other hand, for people who already struggle with depression, the post-holiday blues can set off a bout of more serious blues. If you tend towards depression to begin with, it’s important to look out for the possibility of post-holiday blues turning into a more serious episode.

If you have a self-care program that normally helps you stay well in your heart and mind, such as an exercise regime, regular contact with loving friends, and so on, it would be wise to get that program back in place sooner rather than later after the holidays.

For women with a history of addiction, it’s important to take the post-holiday blues more seriously as well, for the simple reason that they can represent a relapse trigger. As women who didn’t feel good in our skins without substances to help us cope, we’re always a little more vulnerable than most to getting sucked back into negative patterning.

Proactively going to meetings, refreshing our commitment to sobriety, and making sure we connect with other people who will understand and accept us for exactly how we feel is key during this time.

Tips for Managing Post-Holiday Blues

1. This, Too, Shall Pass

The post-holiday blues too shall pass. Even if your wholehearted goal was to stay depressed, one day you would still wake up feeling different – a little more lively, awake, curious, and lighthearted. It’s just how we are.

Remember that the animal within you, the child within you, who loves life and wants to find out what happens next, will most likely get you through this phase once you’ve had a chance to feel the feelings and process everything you need to process. It’s a natural thing and you’ll get through it.


2. Stay Connected With People Who Get It

If you can think of anyone in your world who will get what you’re going through and be nice to you about it without encouraging you to stay stuck in victimization, call them and tell them how you’re feeling. Hear their holiday stories as well. If you speak it out (to the right people), you can send your suffering gently on its merry way.


3. Exercise

Exercise is nature’s antidepressant. You can’t stay depressed and have a good exercise routine at the same time. If you choose to exercise, the blues will have a hard time sticking around.


4. Go Outside

Go outside every day, no matter what the weather is, and whether you feel like it or not. Just 20 minutes a day walking outside will suffice. If it helps, set a short-term goal that’s easily achieved, like “Every day for 7 days straight, I will walk for 20 minutes in my neighborhood” rather than worrying about it forever. After the first 7 days, you may want to extend but don’t evaluate until you complete the 7 days.


5. Green Time Not Screen Time

If you can, get out in nature. If no nature is accessible, get to the greenest freshest zone you can find. The natural world lifts our spirits, reminds us of our belonging to all of our lives, and restores our liveliness. The beneficial impacts of nature have been documented by studies galore, but also you can just feel it for yourself. This is opposed to screen time, which has documented negative effects on mental health, which you can also feel for yourself.


6. Sleep It Off

Get enough sleep, and if you need it, let yourself sleep in when you can. Do less, and lower the expectations just for now, if you can do that without swinging into too much self-indulgence. Moderation is key, but don’t make war on the body for showing the symptoms of depression. If you need to be soft and slow, find ways to do that comfortably, cozily, and kindly. (This might seem like it runs counter to the exercise recommendation, but it doesn’t. Do both. Get tired through exercise and then rest fully).


7. Stay Away From Social Media

As everyone knows by now, social media makes people feel terrible. Stay off it. Consider something like a social media fast for 12 days straight. As a trade-off, allow other forms of (non-screen time) entertainment, like reading paper books.

May your New Year come with many gifts, dear reader. Sending you all our love for a bright and healthy 2024!

Categories
Mental Health

Turning the Love Beam Back on You: Shifting out of Codependency

Codependent Relationships Thwart Growing Up

Individuation is the psychological journey of becoming a whole, unique individual in our own right. A life-long process, individuation is how we gradually polish the diamond of our original Self, developing and becoming more and more who we really are at the core of our being. 

Codependent relationships typically stand in the way of the individuation process, by prioritizing psychological fusion at the expense of individual freedom and growth. 

Two Become One – But Not in the Way We Really Want

Psychological fusion means two people becoming one – but in a bad way. When we are codependent we entangle ourselves with another person in a way that’s called merging. 

Merging means that we sooner or later fall into dysfunctional patterns of control, enabling of unhealthy behaviors, and overly fearing the elements of aloneness and self-responsibility that are involved in growing into our own journey.

That’s because in our not-yet-healed state, we form a bond with another that is centered at some level around our wounding, in which we both attempt to care for the other, compensate for unmet psychological needs, and develop a condition of mutual over-reliance.

There is a higher, spiritual version of sacred union, wherein we each hold onto ourselves, and yet also can join to create a third energy. Codependence may be a kind of childlike attempt at that, but until we’ve had a chance to heal psychologically, it will be hard to sustain real freedom and wholeness in each person.

I’ll Heal You and You’ll Heal Me

The state of wounded merging (also called trauma-bonding) develops strongly where each person meets needs for the other that actually the other person should, developmentally speaking, learn to do for themselves. 

It can be quite sweet in the beginning. It’s like we agree to hold hurt pieces of each other until we’re each strong enough to do it for ourselves. We make up for missing pieces of childhood, providing safety, understanding, love, food, or whatever else is needed. 

We don’t have to make codependent relationships bad and wrong. We do need to see that they are relationships between two wounded children finding a way to get what they need by taking care of each other. No relationship can stay that way forever, because we do want, deep inside, to grow up, ripen, and mature spiritually.  

How Long Can We Avoid Ourselves?

Over-focusing on another can serve as a way of avoiding our own feelings, needs, and trauma. Codependency can be a distracting, addictive “fixer-upper” project, in which we direct our life purpose towards helping, fixing or caring for another person rather than looking at our own lives.

Each party takes on specific pieces for the other, making sacrifices and providing protections for the other. Both can become addicted to the same thing: using the other person as a way to delay facing one’s own life story. 

We can do this for a long, long, long time. But the call of our own life will never really go away, even if we try not to listen to it. 

Codependent relationships have negative impacts for both parties. Typically these negative impacts relate to the ways that we enable each other to stay stuck in patterns that aren’t actually positive or life-affirming. It starts to feel static and stifling. 

So many of us start to wonder: can we change the deal?

Changing The Deal

The hidden problem of the old deal is each person gives up a portion of their true Self, while requiring that the other do something for us. We each trade in our autonomy and self-responsibility, in exchange for emotional security, understanding, support, approval, or whatever goodies the other person gives us. The agreement boils down, if we look closely, to some kind of surrender of individuality in exchange for being taken care of.

What can we do about it? Well, once we realize that we are busy holding someone else’s wound for them, we can start to play with the idea of holding our own. We take our wounds back from the other’s arms, and gradually give them back what we have been holding for them. 

What wounds do we still need someone to hold, and how can we gradually be the one doing that holding? Here’s a journal prompt for you to explore this question. 

Journal Prompt: Turn the Love Beam Back on You

  1. All You Give. Write out all the things you do for your partner (or other loved one). Include physical world activities, like making sure they have something to eat, as well as time spent of more subtle emotional activities, like supporting them emotionally, thinking of solutions for their problems, or even just worrying about them. Any of your own time you spend focusing on them, their needs, and their shape of their lives.   
  2. Imagine Receiving from Someone Like You. Now imagine and write about what your life might be like if you were your own partner. If you met someone like you, who wanted to give you all that you have been giving away, what would that be like? How might you bloom and blossom under that beam of love? Does any resistance surface? What needs of yours still need the warm embrace of your own life-giving love? 

Thanks for reading!

Categories
Mental Health

SAD Girl Summer

SAD girl Summer 

Sun’s out and the sky is shining. Everyone loves summer… right? 

For some people, Summer feels like the season of dread. If this is you, keep reading to learn more about what causes these feelings of summer stress and mental health tips to help make this summer a little bit more comfortable! 

5 things about summer that might bring on the Big SAD 

You might expect summer to be a universal mood booster, right? In the season of concerts, sleeping in and sunbathing, what could be a trigger for mood distress? As it turns out, a number of things- and you’re definitely not alone in feeling stressed out and totally over summer already. 

  1. The heat and humidity makes it difficult to enjoy being outdoors.
  2. Changes to schedules disrupt your routines and make the days unpredictable or stressful. 
  3. Added stress from trying to plan for travel and change or the additional financial expense of summer events. 
  4. Lots of pressure to “relax” and “have fun” to other people’s standards. 
  5. Higher pollen counts can increase histamine levels and cause dysregulated emotions. 

How Common is Seasonal Affective Disorder in Summer?

Summer is a season of high energy that’s often associated with less work, more play, and days in the sun. But those things aren’t enjoyable for everyone and if you’re one of the hundreds of thousands of people who feel completely overwhelmed, overstimulated and over the summer heat, you are not alone! 

 

Seasonal Affective Disorder, also called SAD, is thought to impact about 6% of Americans with around 10% of those affected during the Spring and Summer months. By the numbers, it’s not super common to experience Seasonal Affective Disorder but you’re certainly not alone if you’re feeling some type of way about the rising heat.

Is SAD just depression?

The acronym for Seasonal Affective Disorder can lend itself to feeling like the whole experience is depression in the more stereotypical form. You may expect that SAD in any season will feel like, well, sadness. But it does not. 

Seasonal mood disorders have many facets, just like other mood disorders. Your moods may be affected by feeling more sadness or loss of interest in your activities. But that’s not all! SAD may manifest as increased frustration, stress, overwhelm, rapidly cycling moods or more. During Summer, anxiety is a likely manifestation of this type of mood dysregulation. 

Summer SAD has different symptoms than other seasons

The sizzling temps and thick air can contribute to a sense of being trapped even in wide open spaces. When the temperature rises outside, your body may require more energy to help you keep cool and, in turn, leave you feeling burnt out and exhausted when you feel like you’ve not done much. 

While winter Seasonal Affective Disorder is known to cause overeating, over sleeping and a general sense of malaise, summer SAD is likely to leave you feeling agitated, anxious and overworked. You may have heightened feelings of irritation, guilt or anger. It makes sense given they have different causes, but it can be frustrating when you’re trying to understand what’s happening and how to fix it. 

We’ve got tips to help you cope 

Now that you know what’s up with summertime sadness (hey Lana, thanks for the anthem) and why it happens, let’s get into the real important stuff. What can you do about it? These mental health tips can help year round but are especially important in summer if you’re feeling blue. 

Seek cool and dark spaces when you’re feeling the heat 

If you’re feeling agitated, overworked or overwhelmed this summer, take some time to lean into decompression in a dark and temperature regulated space. Turn the lights down low and keep fans or air conditioners running while you rest. Cool and dark spaces can help your body and mind both cool down from working hard, while also offering some relief from physical symptoms like migraines, dehydration and eye strain. 

Prioritize sleep and rest 

Longer daylight hours and more to do can leave you feeling like there are plenty of hours in the day, but not nearly enough at night. Struggling with sleep and rest can be the same thing but they aren’t always. If you’re finding that you’re not getting enough sleep, set a regular bedtime and do your best to stick to it at least 4 days a week. Ensure you’re stopping work and making relaxation a priority at least 2 hours before that time. 

 

When rest seems in short supply, pick one day per week where you schedule nothing. Leave that day open to whatever moves you in the moment and honor your need to rest. 

Consider using the cooler night hours to connect with nature 

Love being outside but don’t dig the heat and constant sun? Use the evening hours to spend time outside. Watch the moonlight on the ocean, enjoy an evening walk or do yoga in the garden beneath the stars. Nature is just outside your door at all hours! 

Honor your emotional experience in this season 

Guilt is a heavy burden and it takes up a lot of your emotional energy. If you feel like you should feel one way or another about summer and you’re just not, that’s okay! Honor the reality of your emotions and reflect on the ways you connect with different seasons or weather patterns. You may find your connection is more deeply rooted in other seasons and that’s a beautiful thing to discover, especially if you can be with the emotional experience of this season without guilt. 

No matter how you’re experiencing these summer months, we hope you’ve found these mental health tips helpful. If you or someone you love is experiencing substance abuse or looking for a new way to move through recovery, call us today. 

760-814-8214

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