Categories
Mental Health

Tiny Habits to Boost Your Recovery That You Can Start Today

I was anxiously lamenting all the little fires in my life to a friend over tea recently.

“There’s so much, and I don’t even know where to begin. How do you rebuild everything from nothing?” I cried out, having talked myself into a frenzy at the sheer magnitude of the pressures I faced.

She regarded me with a steady gaze, “Well, how do you eat an elephant?”

She paused.

“One bite a time.”

Her silly and slightly disturbing mental image filled my mind, and close on its heels was the heavyweight of realization. Nothing needs to be solved in one fell swoop. Tiny habits, not massive overhauls, are the first steps to sustainable change. Through goal setting with bite-sized chunks of life’s elephants, you can (and will!) overcome them.

Start now.

New Year’s Resolutions have this way of making us feel prepared. Outlines and action plans can give us an illusion of control over our success. But often, when we start them, we become paralyzed by the magnitude of change and quit. In fact, the enthusiastic hope-plan-doom cycle of a resolution contributes to failure almost 80% of the time.

Take charge of your time, boost your recovery and your future. There is no perfect moment coming that will unlock your success, but every step forward will benefit you. Make it a habit to start now, not in five minutes or five days, to reap big rewards.

Prioritize yourself.

Establishing a habit is a commitment. Most often, the hardest ones to keep are the “To me; Love, me” kind. The ones that benefit you and are led by your action. It can feel selfish and like an indulgence. But it is not. Making yourself a priority is the gift that keeps on giving.

Allow space for the things you want and need, then hold that space for them. Make this your first tiny habit, as it will be the key to ensuring you do not slip into harmful coping mechanisms when those wants and needs are ignored.

Small but mighty change.

When you feel untethered, handing over your power can be a struggle, but it’s not always necessary. Cliché as it sounds, sustainability must begin from the inside out. Many mini-mind shifts will produce powerful results without involving anyone but you.

The holistic healing staff at Villa Kali Ma suggest incorporating into your daily schedule little habits like mindful breathing, a short yoga flow, or reframing the words and emotions you use to express yourself. These can offer small shifts with a big influence. Other small but mighty changes you can make are:

    • Offer kindness to others when you are feeling low.
    • Google something interesting. Anything, really, but learning something new can productively engage your mind.
    • Start your day with a glass of water.
    • However, feels good to you. Just get your thoughts out on paper for a few minutes every day.

Think about it.

It seems so simple, but how often do you take the time to sit with an idea and flesh it out? Spend time with those ideas (even the worries). Take inventory of them, and process them accordingly. Intrusive thoughts can feel intense, even when they’re good ones. We are often told to stop the spirals in our heads.

What if sometimes the answer is thinking them through?
To pause and give them space.

Use a timer to give yourself a structured few minutes. Then pause and consider as many of those loose ends as you can. Spend time with the thought in its entirety, even if it’s uncomfortable. This tiny habit of giving yourself permission to pause and make space for your thoughts and feelings can have powerful results, and the cue is already ingrained when you feel that building push of an idea, pause.

Lean on experts.

Tiny Habits aficionado BJ Fogg has a reputation you can rely on- and you should. With more than two decades of research into a sustainable life change, Dr. Fogg supports small changes to make the most impact. Fogg suggests getting highly specific to optimize the prompt you’ll use to engage it.  Using the combined force of motivation, ability, and a prompt within a moment, you can establish a behavior. Boost your recovery by allowing it to motivate you.

Set your habits with intention and specificity, but don’t eat your elephant in one big gulp. Small bites, tiny habits, and consistent effort toward your end goal will move you steadily toward it. Allow expertise to strengthen your resolve and support the habits you put into motion right now. If you find you need some assistance to boost your recovery or begin your healing journey, Villa Kali Ma offers a holistic program that supports setting goals and teaches mindfulness practices.

Contact us today to learn more about sustainable recovery and the life change available to you when you are in a supportive environment like Villa Kali Ma.

Categories
Wellness Mental Health

Should You Keep a Journal This Year?

Journal. Diary. Blog. Archive. Memoir.

There is a myriad of names for the timeless act of recording your daily thoughts and feelings, but is it right for you? Maybe you’ve tried it before, but it didn’t feel right, or maybe you never have. With so many variables in journaling styles, it’s easy to get it wrong and dismiss the whole thing entirely. There are also so many ways to get it right, and the near-infinite nature of journaling styles means that there’s sure to be one that feels good for you.

So, Should I Journal?

The quick answer is yes. There are countless benefits to clearing out your mental dust bunnies. Your critical thinking skills, emotional processing, and trauma response are all likely to improve when you spend time with your thoughts and feelings. But it can feel stressful to begin, and to select the method that feels most healing for your personal journey. No matter how you journal, your process can benefit from remembering to WRITE:

What do you want to write about?
Reflect on the feelings, desires and thoughts surrounding the topic.
Investigate those emotive responses through your writing.
Time yourself.
Exit with introspection.

Whether you elect to structure your journaling, create an artistic element or just sit down with a page and let your thoughts pour out as they arrive, there is healing to be found in becoming an emotional scribe.

Science Says Yes

Even the most free-flowing styles of journaling offer benefits that drive you toward not just setting goals, but achieving them. Supporting recovery in all manners is more effective when you allow yourself to take up space, and spending time in your own head validates that.

Engaging with your thoughts can help you process them, and processing them allows meaningful change to occur not just within that thought, but others like it as you move through life. It is not a stagnant indulgence. Journaling promotes active learning through reflection and can lead to better emotional processing, perspective-taking, and critical thinking skills.

Even If It Hurts a Little

While it can be uncomfortable to spend time with those painful realities taking up space in your mind, there is much to learn from them and your strength will only increase from confronting them. Connecting authentically with your emotions and processing them are keystones in recovery. Learning new methods to dispel old tendencies can be difficult or even painful, but learning is growing.

Connecting to your thoughts and emotions, making space for them, and having the opportunity to be honest with yourself are priceless tools toward healing. Journaling offers you a record of this growth and accountability that may be otherwise easy to discount or overlook. Whether you are setting goals, spending time with your gratitude or just spilling your heart on the page, that record will illustrate the strides you make.

What Should You Write?

Anything. There’s no wrong answer here, because this is yours and yours alone. But if the infinite possibility of emotional exploration feels a little (a lot) overwhelming, here are some topics to get you started:

    • Dear future me,
    • Write a letter to someone you love.
    • Make a “yes” list and a “no” list.
    • How are you really? (and don’t filter it)
    • Recall a memory that made you feel powerful and write in detail.

There are healing prompts or explore something more imaginative. If none of these strike your fancy- feel free to just write. Writing when you aren’t bound by structure, sense or concept can be freeing. Stream of consciousness journaling may surprise even you.

There’s No Wrong Way to Journal

It truly is that simple and that profound. Just like your recovery, this healing experience through your emotional mind is all yours. It is bespoke. Created for you, by you, and you can’t get it wrong. You cannot fail. But you can grow. Your words can change your world, and there is no limit on the change you can be in the world.

With the therapeutic benefit of healing in mind, body, and soul, you can move through the process of recovery feeling capable. Journaling can lead the charge for change and healing. But both start from within and do not require profound skills or tools to begin. Put pen to paper or letter to screen. Put thought to word and just write.

Categories
Mental Health

How 2020 Will Shape Our Mental Health

The beginning of 2020 brought about the end of a decade – a time to reflect on the past and create hopes and dreams for the future. However, we quickly learned that this year was not likely to make good on the promise and hopes we set. Instead, 2020 taught us to stay flexible and adapt, and through enduring many trials, it reminded us of just how strong we are. As we near the end of 2020, we again set our sights on the year to come, closing the chapter on a year that has been fraught with many stressors, both planned and unplanned.

The Coronavirus Pandemic

As the virus drew national and international attention in its spread to all corners of the globe, our response to it has moved through many stages as our ability to cope has been tested.

The Unrest Begins

The first wave – the onset of the virus – created an environment full of fear and uncertainty about how our lives would be affected and for how long. From that fertile ground quickly rose seeds of dissent, anger, and frustration about how others handled themselves during this time and the extent of the precautions they were (or were not) taking.

The messaging shifted very quickly, encouraging us to “look at the bright side” and seek opportunities for growth and advantages offered by this worldwide reset. Lurking underneath this mask of our “new normal,” however, there still existed plenty of distress: depression, hopelessness, anxiety, insomnia, and for some, traumatic stress, and suicidal thoughts.

On August 14th, 2020, a CDC study reported that 40% of US adults reported symptoms of depression, anxiety, or increased substance use, with 10.7% reporting having suicidal thoughts in the past 30 days. This represented a substantial increase from past studies.

Stress Continues

As the pandemic has worn on and we watch “the numbers” rise, our sense of helplessness has become difficult to counter in the face of the year’s many challenges. The losses we suffered began to stack up. Starting with a worldwide shift that called for us to stay at home, facing necessary adaptations to age-old traditions, economic unrest, educational changes, workplace reform, and disconnection from those around us, we have arrived at is a completely changed way of life.

This changed way of life has led to many new stressors: many Americans have lost their homes, jobs, and businesses, just as they have also lost their standard ways of coping with it. What is more, many young adults lost their identity as goals they had worked years towards achieving were lost to the pandemic. Even for those where the real casualties have been minimal, many of these factors’ cumulative stress creates profound effects.

The Vulnerable Among Us

While everyone is understandably affected by the virus, some communities remained disproportionately vulnerable to its effects, including Blacks, Hispanics, the elderly, people of lower socioeconomic status of all races, and health care workers.

For them, this is a crisis of physical health and takes a toll on their mental health. From these conditions, three months into the pandemic, the Black Lives Matter movement reignited and brought further unrest and unease to our already tenuous state.

Further on into the year, as we prepared for a 2020 presidential election, even basic public health strategies such as testing, quarantining, and wearing masks have become politicized. Civil political discussions moved to a hostile online environment, and we feel distant and unrecognizable to those with an opposing view.

Substance Misuse and Our Mental Health

The pandemic challenges exist in isolating us from others and the very solutions to deal with our stresses. In protecting our physical health, social distancing, and stay-at-home measures deeply affected our mental health. This is especially true for those with substance use disorders or those who are in recovery from them.

We have learned time and time again from speakers such as Johann Hari that the opposite of addiction is not sobriety; it is human connection. The strain of isolation takes a particular toll on us, whether our problematic relationship with substances began before or after the pandemic started.

Those who already were in active addiction – now isolated from their support services – have begun to use their pre-programmed coping skill to deal with the new stresses they face. Those who may not previously have had a problem have now found themselves reliant on alcohol or other drugs to make it through the day, to calm their anxieties, or to pass the time.

Hope in 2020 and Beyond

Although the challenges of this time are genuine, it is essential to realize that while the ways you may have traditionally received support are no longer available, the counseling and treatment world has adapted right along with the virus. We understand intimately the losses associated with this pandemic: the loss of life, of how we do things, and of when things were more comfortable.

However, those of us in the recovery community are also no stranger to learning to adapt and learning to carve out a new way of life for ourselves. We are familiar with making the difficult choice to avoid numbing, exploring our past, and walking the path that will lead us to experience happiness and fulfillment ultimately.

At Villa Kali Ma, we want to hold onto hope for you that things will get better, and with clinical expertise and holistic healing methods, we want to show you the way. Contact us today to learn more about our trauma-informed and sustainable treatment programs.

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Mental Health Wellness

Surviving the Holidays: Navigating Post-Election Conversations

For months, people have been enduring an onslaught of news coverage surrounding the election, as well as many strong differing viewpoints. It can be exhausting to take in all this information and fight for your voice to be heard. Likely, people reading this share a heavy sigh that the election and the holidays must be so close together.

Some get-togethers have family members split down the middle with differing hopes for the election result, leading to potentially awkward or downright confrontational moments. Being mindful of your needs and approaching this time is essential for your wellness and perhaps your relationships.

Feeling Divided

The atmosphere between pre-and post-election has felt tense and almost irreparable. However, remaining in the relationships we care dearly about is essential, as is not walking around with an “elephant in the room” for the entirety of the holidays. If you would like to hold some dialogue with your friends and family about your view, consider these tips for difficult conversations throughout the holidays.

Know Your Goal

Before entering any political conversation, identify what you are hoping to gain or learn from the exchange. When talking to someone with a different viewpoint, know that it is doubtful you will change their mind with one conversation. Maybe you seek to be understood or to understand them better, or you may enjoy a respectful debate.

If your goal is to “win” the argument or prove that you are right, it is likely that the conversation elements will be very triggering to you and will not ultimately help you feel more connected to others. Proceed cautiously, both with yours and others’ intentions for the conversation in mind. Consider abstaining from discussions with others that you know will not stay respectful and divide you further.

Be Self-Aware

Remember that you are not in control of what someone else says, but how you react to them. Notice your tone, volume, body posture, and how you are feeling internally. Our nonverbal communication makes up a considerable portion of how others perceive your message, so check in to make sure it lines up with what you are trying to communicate.

Also, make sure to check in with your physical body. If you feel your heart rate rising or muscles clenching, that could be a sign to take a step back to cool off. Stay present with yourself and excuse yourself from the conversation if or when it gets to be too much. You might want to try some grounding techniques before excusing yourself from the conversation entirely.

Avoid Tactics That Build Defensiveness

Be careful about labeling, using sarcasm, name-calling, or dismissing someone. When a person feels attacked, their defense mechanisms will likely flare up, and having a genuine conversation will be almost impossible. These types of interactions also do not feel good on either side.

A good rule of thumb for conversations where you disagree is to try to understand the very best parts of their viewpoint, rather than taking demeaning shots at policies that they may not even agree with. Remember that you are talking to a person, not taking down a political party.

It is not helpful to the conversation when you regurgitate the talking points fed to you by media sources on either side. The person in front of you likely has a more detailed understanding of their political beliefs that is not helpful when you paint them into a corner based on party lines.

Listen Actively

Instead of crafting your perfect argument in your head when the other person speaks, take the time to listen and make sure you are understanding the point that they are trying to make. Please do not make the mistake of thinking that you already know what they are going to say. You are still free to disagree after, but this helps slow down the conversation and makes it less about people shouting facts or talking points at one another.

The golden rule of communication applies here, too: you need to listen before you speak. Before you move into trying to disprove their points, if you can stay curious about why they believe what they do, this helps set the conversation up for success and avoids creating defensiveness that comes from feeling misunderstood on either side.

Consider Your Limits

You may have found yourself in a conversation that feels out of hand, whether you started it or maybe discovered your way into it by mistake. Know when to end a conversation to keep yourself and your emotional health safe. See the boundaries section below for ways to help with this.

Notice the Triggers

The holidays often can be a significant trigger to drink. For one, there is usually easily accessible wine, beer, or other alcohol at gatherings. Often, drinking is normalized because we celebrate the season or the end of the year (especially this one). This time of year, there is also excellent potential for others to offer drinks unknowingly or knowingly to people working towards recovery.

In 2020, although in-person gatherings are much smaller, the temptation to drink is still very present. This is also a time when people tend to regress to a more childlike dynamic with their family. Some coping mechanisms from childhood could be to dissociate, take risks, or become combative. All of these can bring down the inhibitions and raise the temptation to drink or use drugs.

With the added factor of family members sharing views that are often emotionally triggering, this can create the perfect storm for relapse. Going into events with this in mind can help to prevent slip-ups and keep you on track towards your goals. Consider if being around or speaking to a specific person is a good idea for you and set boundaries where needed.

Suppose you will be in a potentially triggering situation; set up sober support to call at a particular time to check-in. Also, practicing saying “no” could help people who may offer you drinks. It can also be useful to have a non-alcoholic drink in hand to avoid these conversations. Taking care of yourself and working on recovery skills before these interactions can also make a huge difference!

Plan Your Boundaries

Depending on your household, you could be going into a very challenging holiday season this election year. Consider whether you do not want politics to be brought up at all and whether this is a boundary your family would respect. Having this conversation before the event could help lessen potential unwanted conflict. You may talk about this by saying something like:

While we’re together, I want to focus on all the things we have in common rather than to get stuck in the places where we disagree.

I think it might be best if we save political conversations for behind closed doors, as I know this is an area of potential conflict for us as a family.

This may not be a possibility depending on your family. Consider these boundary options to ensure that you care for yourself in the holidays instead of disappearing inside yourself or saying things you might regret. Use this boundary checklist as a guide.

1. Find a Teammate

Is there someone at the gathering or on-call which your values align with? Talk to this person to see if you can make a game plan. If you are stuck in an uncomfortable conversation with Uncle Bob, can they pull you away? They could touch your shoulder if they see you getting elevated. Discuss ways you could support each other over the holidays.

2. Consider Who You are Talking To

Some people are in a place to have difficult conversations, and others may start in attack mode. Watch out for people who may be trying to bait you into an argument with a mean or outlandish statement. If the person you are talking to is not receptive or is lost in their opinion, think of ways to shut it down instead of engaging.

3. Create a Phrase

Practice a statement to say to end conversations for situations when you do not want to discuss politics or would like to stop a conversation you are in. Creating a blanket statement that you have said before can help when you feel overwhelmed to get out quickly. If the other person continues the conversation, it is okay to be a broken record. Your phrase might be something like, “I’m not sure this conversation is helpful to our relationship,” or anything that conveys a similar message in a respectful but firm way.

4. Have an Escape Plan

Potentially there could be statements said that are very much against your values. In some situations, you may even feel attacked despite your best efforts. If you have tried to set boundaries and continue to be crossed, have a plan to leave, take a break, or be in a private room.

If you need support with the emotional toll of the holidays this season, Villa Kali Ma is here to help. Reach out today to talk about how we can support you or your loved ones during the holidays and beyond.

Categories
Mental Health

Seven Steps to Self-Forgiveness

You can’t forgive without loving. And I do not mean sentimentality. I do not mean mush.
I mean having enough courage to stand up and say, ‘I forgive. I’m finished with it.’

— MAYA ANGELOU

In general, as a culture, we have become so good at striving for success and recognition, and at the same time so bad at dealing with missteps and mistakes, especially our own. We understand the concept that “everyone makes mistakes” and that theoretically, “it is not about the fact that we made a mistake, but how we recover from it.” However, this is an incredibly difficult belief to hold on to when facing our own shortcomings or failures.

Many people struggle with self-condemnation that stems from feeling as though they’ve either done something “wrong” and have guilt related to how they acted, or because they feel that they themselves are “wrong” or defective in some way which leads to a sense of shame. For those who develop a problematic relationship with alcohol or other substances, these experiences of guilt and shame are universal.

The ability to find forgiveness for self is in so many ways the key to the healing process. In life, as with the process of recovery, true freedom comes once you find it within yourself to let go— to offer yourself the cleansing relief that comes with moving on and like the quote above, having the courage to love yourself enough to be finished with it.

The Road to Self-Forgiveness

Learning how to accept ownership over mistakes, let go, move on, and forgive yourself is important for mental health and well-being, although often it is much easier said than done. Self-forgiveness requires empathy, compassion, kindness, and understanding, and ultimately, requires you to make the choice to be honest with yourself throughout the process.

1. Setting Aside Time to Process

One of the biggest traps that we fall into as humans is believing that if we are not actively thinking about something that it is not a problem for us. Rather than dealing with our emotions, we tend to disregard them, “stuff them down”, or avoid them entirely.

When you are trying to create a new life for yourself free from the influence of substances, nothing can quite stunt your progress as this tendency. We need time to sit with ourselves and to acknowledge and process all the emotions that arise in us. Allow yourself permission to recognize and accept the feelings that are triggered in you as you think about where your life has taken you so far.

2. Acknowledging What Happened

Facing the realities of what you have done in the past or what has happened is an important step towards self-forgiveness. It is often our initial temptation to make excuses or to try to rationalize or justify our actions in order to make them seem acceptable.

However, by taking responsibility and owning up to the fact that you have engaged in actions that have hurt others, you can begin to free yourself – and them – from some of the burdens. It is also helpful to adopt the narrative that “I did the best I could with the tools and knowledge I had at the time”. In this way, we can balance the forces of accountability and compassion and develop a realistic perspective of what happened.

3. Considering What You Have Learned From the Experience

It can be a helpful exercise to consider each mistake of the past as a learning experience that helps you to discover more about the person you want to be in the future. This is the primary function of guilt as an emotion.

When we feel guilty, this is a message from our subconscious mind letting us know that our actions are not in line with our beliefs and ultimately helps us to make a different choice in the future. Progress looks like moving away from shame-based beliefs about the self:

    • “I am a bad person” and moving towards a more hopeful narrative.
    • “I made a bad choice, but I have the power to make better choices in the future.”
    • Or even just “I’ve experienced an incredibly painful lesson in who I don’t want to be.”

4. Having a Conversation With Your Inner Critic

Moving towards self-forgiveness means developing an active practice of self-compassion. In addition to learning to be kind to ourselves, this means taking a closer look at the internal dialogues that we allow to take place in our minds. An actionable step you can take is to write out a conversation between you and your inner critic as a way to recognize the thoughts that are getting in the way of forgiveness. This can help you identify thought patterns that are sabotaging your ability to forgive yourself.

You may also need to examine the expectations and standards you hold for yourself. The expert on self-compassion, Kristin Neff recommends considering your situation as if your best friend were the one in crisis. What would you say? How would you comfort them? Ultimately, how is that conversation compared to the one you had earlier with your inner critic? Why is it so difficult to extend the same message of love and forgiveness to ourselves?

5. Making a Plan for Moving Forward

Making amends is an important part of forgiveness, even when the person you are forgiving is yourself. The best way to move past your guilt is to take action to make up for your mistakes. While we may never “earn” forgiveness or fully make up for it, apologizing or even being willing to have the conversation with others about their experience is an important step. This aspect of self-forgiveness is about responding to what happened in a way that you can be proud of, no matter whether others ultimately accept your apology.

6. Quit Playing the Tape

While in many ways, it is human nature to spend time and energy replaying our mistakes, at some point, it becomes no longer healthy for us to continue in that way. Falling into the trap of rumination, self-hatred, or even pity can be incredibly damaging to your recovery process.

When you catch yourself playing the “I’m broken” or “I’m a horrible human” tape, stop yourself and focus on one positive action step. Interrupting the thought pattern can help you replace the negative experience and even reduce stress and anxiety.

7. Focusing on Today and the Hope of Tomorrow

Self-forgiveness is incredibly important to the healing process as it allows you to let go of the anger, guilt, shame, sadness you may be holding on to and move on. Working through this process gives you a plan for the future, rather than allowing self-defeating thoughts to continue plaguing you.

As you learn to identify what you are feeling, tame your inner critic, and work towards a different outcome, you will begin to see how freeing forgiveness can be. The power of forgiveness is in being able to offer yourself that gift, to accept it, and to step into the hope that tomorrow will be different.

Healing at Villa Kali Ma

When it comes to processing through your past, this is the work of therapy—to learn to offer yourself forgiveness, to sit with your pain and emotion, and move through it. At Villa Kali Ma, we know the importance of the relationship you develop with yourself on the recovery journey, as well as the challenges of meeting your inner critic face-to-face.

In addition to working with you through the process of self-forgiveness, we teach you the skills of mindfulness, of how to stay present in your experience, and how to offer yourself self-compassion along the way. If you or an important woman in your life is struggling with addiction to alcohol or other substances, contact us today to learn more about our program and how we can help!

Categories
Mental Health

The Trap of Isolation

For some of us, the pain of loneliness and the trap of isolation begins gradually. Friends move away, begin having families, or throw themselves into their new business venture or into advancing their career. For others, the pain is felt abruptly: leaving for college, moving, or starting a new job, or losing a partner to death or divorce.

Any of these events may cause you to re-evaluate the state of your relationships and the state of your standing Friday night plans in front of the television. In the last year especially, experiencing any of the above has likely only been heightened by the disconnected and polarized post-COVID world we now live in.

As the pandemic and the themes of social isolation have become a regular part of our daily vocabulary, it is only highlighted our need to reach out and feel connected to those around us. Still, while it may feel like this is a unique problem in the light of the recent events of today, the truth is that loneliness has been an emerging problem over the last decade.

Where Loneliness and Isolation Takes Root

Even those who are surrounded by others throughout the day have the potential to face a deep and pervasive sense of loneliness. You may even be married or in a long-term relationship and still not be able to escape that gnawing feeling inside.

Whether this is from a lack of true authenticity in your relationships -which may stem from hiding your struggle with alcohol, or the deep sense of shame you carry- or even the absence of another physical presence at home, we can feel isolated all the same.

The seeds of loneliness, when allowed room to grow, can have serious consequences for our physical and mental health. In addition to physical ailments like diabetes, hypertension, obesity, cardiovascular and autoimmune diseases, loneliness also contributes to depression, alcohol abuse, sleep problems, and even personality disorders.

Is Society to Blame for Our Isolation?

In general, shifts in our culture have also seemed to pave the way for this trend towards isolation. In public, rare is it that we will engage in conversation with others. In the waiting room, in line, at restaurants, etc., opportunities for connection have been replaced with an opportunity to send some emails, catch up on the latest podcast, listen to music, or otherwise occupy our minds with mindless activity.

In effect, we learn to rely on our smartphones out of a misguided attempt to protect ourselves from the unknowns of what a social encounter might bring. This being an election year, it is also fair to say that political polarization may be another reason that you may feel isolated and disconnected from others, even online. Especially online. When we curate our social networks and leave little room for interacting with others who hold -or might hold- opposing beliefs, we limit our opportunities for meaningful connection.

How Loneliness Entraps Us

Loneliness thrives within a self-defeating psychology that once it has taken root can make it difficult to escape its clutches. Complicating matters more, lonely people are likely to fall into some predictable traps that only serve to maintain rather than help them overcome their loneliness.

1. We Get Stuck in Negative Thinking

Our perceptions become altered so that we view our existing relationships more negatively and pessimistically. We make assumptions about others (that they do not like us or will reject us) and rely on these excuses to explain our lack of initiative or follow through when it comes to making plans.

2. We Believe Our Own Lies

As a result of our negative thinking, our own reactions and avoidance pushes others away even further. In our blindness to our role in creating the distance, we see others’ withdrawal as confirmation of our fears, and become even more convinced they no longer care about us. Often, complicating the pattern even more, to deal with the pain that stems from our faulty beliefs, we may turn to alcohol or prescription pills to cope.

3. Our Lies Become Truth

The more socially isolated we become, the less use we have for social and relationship skills, which will eventually wither away over time. If things go badly when we try to connect with others, rather than viewing the attempt as an opportunity to rebuild those skill sets, we see it as further confirmation of our undesirability.

Played out in this typical pattern, our loneliness becomes very visible to others who are likely to label us as less interesting and may not make efforts to connect, especially once we become equally entrapped in the cycle of addiction.

How to Break Free From Loneliness

The tricky part about breaking the cycle of loneliness and isolation is that it requires vulnerability, or a leap of faith in one way or another. We need to initially retrain our brains to see ourselves as desirable and worthy of connection, and then take action steps based on those newfound beliefs.

1. Remember Your Worth

The biggest hurdle to overcome in breaking the cycle of loneliness is your fear of rejection. This is the voice of shame in your life telling you that you are not good enough, that you are broken, or that if others only knew the truth about you, they wouldn’t stick around. While many of us may feel justified in those beliefs based on past experiences, we must have the courage to put ourselves out there again.

2. Take Initiative

For you, this may look like opening up to those who are already in your life but kept at a distance. It may look like sharing small pieces of yourself with others and giving them the benefit of the doubt that they will show up for you. It may also look like just getting out of the house: volunteering, taking up a new outdoor hobby, or scheduling a video chat to catch up with friends you have not seen in a while.

3. Approach Yourself and Others With Optimism

Get to know the cycle of self-doubt that starts to creep in when you socialize or make plans and learn to soothe it. Speak to that part of you with love and kindness, “Thank you for trying to protect me, but you’re not needed at this moment”. Take that leap of faith, and trust that when you can rein in your greatest enemy (your thoughts) you will be able to see yourself more clearly.

A loving, safe, and supportive recovery community helps heal all wounds. If you find yourself isolating from others and self-medicating your pain with prescription pills, drugs or alcohol, we want to invite you to discover true holistic healing in a treatment environment that speaks to every part of you, and helps you become the best version of yourself. Reach out to us today to learn more about our healing programs here at Villa Kali Ma!

Categories
Mental Health

Yes, Women Have Specific Needs in Substance Abuse Treatment

There are unique differences between women and men who seek out treatment for substance abuse. More than the obvious biological differences, there are social and environmental factors to consider as well. In treatment, we as women require a safe space where we can reconnect with ourselves and heal our connection to the divine feminine energy and power within us.

For many women, this becomes a very difficult task when men are present. Many treatment centers are based on models of substance abuse that have been created for men. In fact, most of the literature and research that has been conducted in the past has been based on males. It has not been until recently that women’s needs have been taken into account with regard to substance abuse treatment.

Many women seeking treatment have been hiding their pain and stuffing their emotions while continuing to be the primary caregiver in their families. In keeping up their family, job, and community roles and commitments while ignoring their own needs, they can fall deeper and deeper into substance use to cope. This can go on for decades as women deny their divine feminine and try to “man up” and keep up appearances, even when they are breaking inside.

These women’s needs would be best served in a program committed to honoring and recognizing the divine feminine power within each woman. They need to heal in an environment that helps each individual woman reconnect to the power of her most sacred self.  The journey of true recovery most often looks different for women than for men and thus, women need to be in a program that recognizes and provides for these differences.

Unique Challenges Women Face in Treatment and Recovery

From the start, women face different challenges than men that impact both why and how their substance abuse develops. In addition, women internalize different expectations from society and their community and are more likely to experience instances of sexual victimization and trauma than their male counterparts. This impacts what each gender needs to feel safe, heard, and eventually heal from the cycles of addiction.

Relationships

Relationships are a key factor explaining why women seek help for substance abuse. Many women may have initially fallen into substance abuse as a means to cope with an abusive relationship or due to drugs and alcohol being a key part of past relationships. However, many of these women choose to seek healing only once the goodwill in those relationships has run dry, and they find themselves out of options.

Others may desire to seek help in order to take steps in the opposite direction: so they can form healthier relationships in their lives and heal the attachment injuries that are stopping them from doing so. This process may also require addressing underlying love addictions or patterns of choosing toxic and abusive partners for themselves.

Pregnancy

Women are unique in their ability to give life. Although not all women have had this opportunity, it is still a key difference between men and women. Issues around pregnancy can be a motivating factor for some to seek treatment. For some women who have lost children due to substance abuse or other challenges in life, this can be a key element that is addressed in treatment. Connecting back to the womb, to the mother of all things can be part of any woman’s healing journey.

Parenting

Along the same lines, children can be a motivating factor for women to seek treatment but they can also be the reason they do not out of fear of losing them. Women often internalize more stigma and stereotypes than men when it comes to struggling with substance abuse and are often more fearful about being seen as “unfit” mothers. Mothers often carry with them a lot of shame and guilt for bringing their children with them along the road of addiction —something which can only be healed with self-forgiveness and love.

Co-Occurring Disorders

More women than men who seek substance abuse treatment suffer from multiple disorders. This means that in addition to their substance abuse, they may also be fighting the demons of:

    • Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
    • Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)
    • Bipolar disorder
    • Major depression
    • Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
    • Eating disorders

It is important that all disorders be addressed and treated at the same time. This can be incredibly difficult, and we need to help women recognize that they have the power,  strength, and resilience it takes to battle all these forces at once. More often than not, these disorders are linked in origin, in that many women have used substances to self-medicate, to help them cope with the underlying mental health challenges.

Thus, healing involves learning how to cope without the aid of familiar substances. It is important that women feel safe talking about their internal battles and this is best done with people they feel most safe with. Although men can also struggle with co-occurring disorders, it is not as common and most may not be able to relate in the same depth.

Trauma

Many women who seek substance abuse treatment have experienced physical and/or sexual abuse. The trauma that women experience is often different than men and needs to be addressed sensitively and safely so it can be healed. For many women, it can be the shame and pain from these traumatic experiences that fuel their desire to numb with substances. To get to the root of these traumatic experiences one has to be vulnerable and open, which can be difficult to do in the presence of the opposite sex. Many women may have experienced abuse at the hands of their previous male partners or family members.

If males are present in the treatment setting, women may feel too triggered or just not safe enough to open up and be vulnerable in a way that would allow them to process the trauma and receive the support and guidance they need. In order to face their trauma and heal it, there needs to be a supportive community of other women that can create a safe container free of judgment or potential for re-traumatization. Women supporting each other through the journey of healing creates an opportunity to see that we are not alone and our situation is not unique.

Many of us have experienced the same kinds of suffering and together we can learn new coping skills and experience a transformation from being victims of trauma to becoming empowered survivors of trauma. Seeking treatment for substance abuse can be a daunting experience and women should focus on their specific needs and prioritize the importance of a “safe container” in a therapeutic environment in order to ensure progress toward the goal of recovery. Women only treatment centers recognize the unique challenges women face in our society when it comes to substance abuse and other co-occurring issues.

Women-specific programming is essential in creating a therapeutic treatment approach that is tailored to address the unique needs of women and will provide them with the best care possible. In order to succeed, women need to connect back to their true authentic selves and be seen and validated in an environment that is empathetic to the specific challenges that women alone face.  This breaks down to one essential truth; women do have specific needs in substance abuse treatment and these needs are better met in a gender-specific environment.

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Mental Health Spirituality

Understanding the Mind-Body Connection in Addiction Recovery

Understanding the intricacies of our mind-body connection is so incredibly important to the goal of treating and healing women from the destruction of substance abuse in all aspects of their lives, mind, body and soul. Although we often think of the mind and body to be separate, they are actually deeply connected, and it is essential to address both in addiction treatment. Attention to each system in the body is necessary for true, holistic healing and recovery.

Again, to overcome any addiction, the mind and body have to both be addressed. However, in order to achieve lasting, sustainable recovery, there also requires specific attention to the processes of the soul. In order for true recovery to take place, we must understand and heal this triadic connection, which can be done through several different techniques that can be called upon to access and draw focus to these varied parts of us and bring them into alignment.

What Is the Mind-Body Connection?

Everything you think in your mind, your beliefs, values, emotions, memories, and habits influence both your mental and physical health. We know from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), that what we think affects what we feel, which in turn affects how we act. We also know that the opposite is true, that how we act – and in essence, our physical being – affects how we feel and think. We can easily feel this connection when we focus on specific thoughts and pay attention to our experience of them in the body.

When we think about being worried, stressed, or scared we can feel unease in the stomach, tension throughout the body, a racing heart, and shallow breathing. These thought patterns and emotions have a corresponding biological function and can contribute to imbalances within the body. Because our physical and mental health is so connected, to heal any disease or discomfort we need to approach both to re-establish balance and health.

Addiction and the Mind-Body Connection

Addiction finds a foothold in that it impacts the reward areas of the mind and body, allowing us to feel good or euphoric for a short period of time. Whether it is used as a way to numb the uncomfortable sensations that connect to past pain and trauma or simply as a way to relax, through the process of our increasing tolerance and our desire to avoid withdrawal symptoms, our body soon becomes physically addicted.

Psychologically, we become addicted when we turn to substances each time we feel stressed or overwhelmed with life circumstances. Thus, addiction is neither a solely biological or psychological construct, it is both.

Trying to Escape the Mind and Body

Our emotions and experiences of trauma are not just stored in the mind but also the body. This is why many people feel their body has betrayed them as it holds onto the left-over pain from the past. Our addiction often functions as a way to escape the uncomfortable mental and bodily experience of emotional pain and discomfort.

Our natural instinct is to try to escape it as we do not understand how to heal this split. To heal emotional pain, we have to find safety and learn how to connect with others and soothe ourselves in a safe and healthy way. This is where having body-focused techniques that help us to stay present as well as a supportive environment and someone to guide us becomes invaluable.

Healing the Mind-Body Connection

Since these two systems are interconnected, when we focus on one it influences the other. If we focus on nourishing the body through exercise, healthy food, and healing mindful breath, it impacts our mind, making it clearer and more focused. Many holistic approaches help to heal these systems and release our dependence on our addictive behaviors and thus make it easier to move through recovery successfully. When our mind and body come back into balance, we reconnect to our true self and often to our spirituality as well.

This part of us is often buried when we are being controlled by our addiction and a desire to self-medicate. Bringing balance back to the mind and body allows us to once again take control of our life from a loving and caring heart-centered space. For centuries, traditional forms of medicine have looked to address the whole person, not just a part. Many treatment programs only address the mind and miss out on the healing potential of the body. Fewer still capitalize on the healing potential of the soul.

At Villa Kali Ma, our holistic approaches don’t just address the disease or addiction, but include avenues to access the mind, body, and soul and heal all the parts of us that have become separated in order to restore the whole system. In addition to clinical approaches, we pull from ancient healing modalities such as Ayurveda, Yoga, and Shamanic practices that are built on this philosophy. Check out our blog on holistic healing techniques to learn more!

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Mental Health

How Effective Are Holistic Addiction Treatment Techniques?

When you find yourself ready to leave a life of addiction, fed up with “life so far”, and desperate for another way, what you need is more than simply time “away” from what has kept you stuck. What you need is something new. Something different. Something that’s more than a vacation from your current life situation. What you need is something that takes you to a place where deep, holistic transformation and healing can take place.

Many treatment centers will call their programs ‘holistic’ because they work a yoga session or two into their weekly programming, offer massages, or have exercise equipment available.  At Villa Kali Ma, “holistic” has a much broader meaning than just yoga and meditation. “Holistic” focuses on the whole being or whole life of a person and looks at the bigger picture of how to create lasting lifestyle changes that will provide sustainable recovery for each individual person.

Here at Villa Kali Ma, “holistic” can be used to describe our entire program, not just a small part of it, because we are treating the whole person, not just a small part of her. We employ a team of holistic healers and clinical therapists who infuse our treatment program with a variety of proven modalities, techniques, education and experiences that expand and inspire each woman’s view of herself and the possibilities for her life.

The combination of all of this new information as well as the practices and psychological processing has proven to be effective in profoundly changing the mindset, beliefs and attitudes of the clients who embark on this journey at Villa Kali Ma. The holistic approach brings about positive change that is sustainable and facilitates the awakening of the mind-body-spirit connection.

Why Holistic Treatment?

Why do we use so many mind-body focused treatment modalities? The way we see it, the truly holistic addiction treatment model provides two very important and fundamental pieces of the recovery process.

One of the main reasons women fail (and probably men as well) in most recovery programs is that they do not address the untreated trauma that is at the root of the addiction. So, in order to facilitate the processing of trauma, holistic mind-body techniques help those who come to us for treatment to “stay grounded in their bodies” and avoid becoming stuck in “flight or fight” mode which in turn,  enables them to safely process emotions and do the hard work of recovery.

Second, we believe that our role is to serve as a training ground, where clients learn and develop the skills and tools necessary to continue on the path of recovery after treatment. Without holistic practices delivering healing on the level of the body and soul, permanent change is not possible, and the pattern of self-medication will continue.

Holistic Addiction Treatment Techniques We Use

Through the following holistic addiction treatment techniques, we are effectively treating the nervous system, the largest hurdle in effecting and sustaining change in holistic treatment. In teaching clients how to manage their own sense of hyper- or hypo- arousal, they are instead able to remain present to do the work – to keep on processing; to keep on letting go.

1. Pranayama and Breathwork for Transformation

Originating in India over 2000 years ago, the Pranayama practice is the perfect antidote for our busy western schedules and minds. Pranayama is basically a series of breathing exercises that bring more oxygen to the blood and to the brain. Pranayama allows the mind to relax and focus on one thing, the pattern of breathing. Through this practice, one is able to train the mind and nervous system to relax.

Studies confirm that these exercises that cultivate specific attention on the breath are successful in overriding our sympathetic nervous system, i.e. our fight or flight response that is often heightened in individuals who have experienced trauma or are under chronic stress (as is often the case with individuals in treatment for addiction). In addition to this, Pranayama is also known to improve cardiovascular and respiratory functions, decrease the effects of stress and strain on the body, and improve overall physical and mental health.

Transformational Breathwork practice is done using a specific rhythmic breath sequence which is repeated over an extended period of time while lying on your back in a relaxed comfortable position. Participants are covered in blankets for warmth and use an eye pillow over the eyes to assist in total relaxation and letting go of the outside world. This is an hour-long practice that creates states of consciousness and deep meditation that are not available in a normal state.

The practice creates an altered state of awareness and reinvigorates stuck energy – be it mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual – allowing it to be released. This release is extremely powerful and often causes intense emotion to come up and tears to flow as sadness, grief, and pain are finally released from the mind-body energetic system. This practice is an amazing holistic treatment for healing trauma.

2. Mindfulness

The practice of mindfulness finds its roots in Buddhism among other eastern traditions. In more recent decades, it has been adapted by many psychologists, most notably Jon Kabat Zinn, into programs like “Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction” and used in various treatment modalities to promote healing and improve overall well-being.

In addition to training us to accept, understand, and become at ease with our own experiences, rather than resisting them, mindfulness as a practice has also been demonstrated to help reduce cravings and decrease your experience of stress. Through mindfulness, you will work to widen the gap between what happens to you, and your response to it, over time gaining better control over your impulses and making smart, educated choices that are congruent with your values and beliefs.

There are now programs such as Mindfulness-Based Relapse Prevention (MBRP) for treating Addiction and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) for treating Depression that offer specific approaches allowing us to offer tools that address each individual’s specific needs and circumstances.

3. Daily Yoga and Meditation Practices

In general, yoga practices that involve maintaining postures mindfully and with breath awareness can reduce stress levels, improve immunity, decrease blood pressure and heart rate, improve sleep, and reduce body aches and pains.

Studies have found that integrative yoga practice – which includes gentle poses that focus on quieting the mind and body – is highly successful in decreasing cortisol, which is the stress hormone that is released into the body during the fight or flight response. High levels of cortisol in the body can affect blood pressure, sleep cycles, inflammation, weight gain, and lead to irritability and mood disorders.

    • Hatha yoga is what we typically imagine when we think about Yoga. The focus is on coming into balance in all areas of your life; Body, Mind, and Soul. The result is mental clarity, inner peace, and deep contentment like you have never felt before.
    • Restorative yoga is an amazing way to let go and totally relax. In this practice, gentle breathing techniques are paired with postures that lead to a state of deep meditation. This practice is done using props such as bolsters, pillows, and blankets in order to find deeply relaxing positions where the body feels held and supported. This practice is about completely relaxing and letting go; mind, body, and spirit.
    • Similarly, Yoga Nidra begins with gentle postures intended to release physical tension from the body, and once settled into a resting posture, you’ll be guided through a meditation focusing on sensory awareness, a full-body scan, and then into various visualizations. Yoga Nidra practiced over time will train the brain for better focus and concentration, and help to balance strong emotions.
    • Kundalini yoga is an incredibly powerful practice that encompasses elements from nearly all lineages of yoga, yet what makes Kundalini truly unique is its emphasis on Kriyas. Kriyas are repetitive movements incorporated with specific chanting and/or breathing techniques that create mental and physical resistance and allow observation of mechanisms of the mind. For this reason, it is often referred to as the “Yoga of Awareness”.

4. Acupuncture

Acupuncture is an ancient Chinese method of treating the body as a whole. It looks at how each organ system functions with each other and how much qi (life energy) and blood are flowing through each of those systems. In essence, acupuncture sees the body as an ecosystem – a complex network or interconnected system – where every single thing has an effect on another.

Acupuncture is able to assist with many of the immediate effects of substance withdrawal such as detoxing the body, alleviating physical pain without medication and regulating digestive issues caused by abuse of drugs. Acupuncture also helps with the symptoms of withdrawal such as insomnia, depression, anxiety, while also helping with alertness, relaxation, and focus.

5. Craniosacral Therapy

The craniosacral system is comprised of the skull, brain, spinal cord, sacrum, and the membranes, tissues, and fluid that hold it all together.  The cerebrospinal fluid has been described as being one of the most potent and vibrant elements contained in the body. It is constantly cushioning, nourishing, healing, and removing toxins from the central nervous system.

When there is stagnancy in this system, our brain and body do not function optimally. While this form of treatment is still young in the clinical trials that support its effectiveness in addiction treatment, craniosacral therapy has shown immense promise in the field of holistic trauma recovery.

6. Shamanic Healing and Journeying

Individual and group sessions combine the power of energy medicine, chakra clearing and rebalancing, guided visualizations and inner guidance in order to bring healing, clarity, and grounding to the client. As clients are guided into a deep state of relaxation, the subconscious mind surfaces, and through the various methods listed below, we are able to rewire and reprogram the brain.

    • Chakra Clearing with Crystals
    • Connecting with Inner Guidance System Guided Meditation
    • Soul Retrieval Guided Meditation
    • Meeting Your Highest Self Guided Meditation

7. Reiki and Massage Therapy

Where massage is therapeutic touch that helps to detoxify and bring a sense of calm to the body, Reiki is the transmission, with and without touch, of spiritually guided life force energy. Both mediums stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system to allow for healing to take place on the physical, mental and emotional levels. As trauma is often stored in the body, these approaches target and clear blockages in specific parts of the body. Reiki takes the practice one step further, aligning the chakras and creating an energetic harmony of being.

8. Ayurveda; Treatments, Cooking and Lifestyle Counseling

At Villa Kali Ma, our clients will be introduced to the ayurvedic lifestyle through individual consultations, cooking and lifestyle classes, as well as ayurvedic body treatments. Ayurveda is both a system of healing and a lifestyle that contains thousand-year-old wisdom and brings optimum health and wellbeing to the lives of persons who dedicate themselves to living by its principals.

Ayurveda offers suggestions for specific dietary changes, lifestyle changes, daily and seasonal regimens, as well as body treatments, herbal therapies, and practices for correcting imbalances in the body and achieving and maintaining optimal health and vitality. Ultimately it helps us to understand that all of our choices, from what we eat to how we think and behave, have a profound effect on our health and wellbeing.

How Effective Are Holistic Addiction Treatment Techniques?

We have been employing our holistic addiction treatment model in our residential treatment setting for the past four years with outstanding results. Our clinical team, which is made up of very well trained and experienced practitioners, say they have never seen such amazing outcomes as they see with our model. Our clients give us rave reviews and often post their gratitude on sites like Yelp and Google My Business.

When considering treatment for yourself or someone you love, it’s important that you make a choice that reflects your goal of long-term, sustainable recovery. At Villa Kali Ma, we offer our clients a new way of life, to use the holistic techniques we teach them in order to do the immensely powerful work of healing body, mind, and soul.

Categories
Mental Health

Overcoming Systemic Trauma: Healing the Hurting Among Us

“At times or most times, I find being black means being forced into a small
tight space and being told that I cannot come out until I conform to
a way that makes a predominately white society feel comfortable.”

—  Rachel James-Terry

To begin, this article is not a first-hand account of what it’s like to be an African American or any other minority in America. This article cannot describe or even touch on the felt experiences of those who were born with a skin tone other than white in this country with its long history of racism and white supremacy. Instead, this article is meant to be an account of the odds stacked against generationally traumatized people, especially people of color, and an attempt to bring light to the systemic trauma that is so prevalent in minority communities, and the oppressive system in place that prevents forward progress.

For those who once considered racism to be dead in America, recent events in the news have surely begun to convince them otherwise. We are not beyond the effects of slavery, segregation, the Jim Crow laws, white supremacy, redlining, gerrymandering (among other means of keeping black people from voting), mass incarceration of people of color, racially-targeted drug wars, and clearly, of police brutality.

Each of the above issues represents key threads that make up the very fabric of those in the African American and other racially marginalized communities’ lives. Together, they weave into a narrative of Historical Trauma that mental health professionals and researchers describe as the lingering effect caused by the traumas inflicted on groups of people because of their race, creed, and ethnicity. The persistent cycle of systemic trauma can destroy families and communities as it passes down to the souls of their descendants and often disrupts the vitality of entire cultures.

“The sign of ultimate oppression working is when the oppressor can take away
his hands, stand back and say ‘look at what they’re doing to themselves.”

—  Jessica Gourneau, Ph.D.

Systemic Trauma Can Lead to Addiction in Adulthood

While there are many different types of traumatic events that cause extreme stress and difficulty for those who endure it, there is a particular burden that stems from growing up black or brown in a predominately white society. In such a case, you will come to understand and the phrase “white privilege”.  While obviously not all people born with white skin have “white privilege”, a disproportionate number of whites do have a significant advantage over minority races in America. Namely, whites in America are exposed to significantly less systemic trauma growing up than Black or Hispanic children and most systemic trauma or PTSD that affects these children goes untreated.

So often, what this means is that as a person of color, you cannot expect to have the same opportunities that the majority of white people are born with and take for granted. Black, Hispanic and other minority races not only experience underrepresentation in nearly all sectors of today’s society, they can also expect to earn less than a white person would for the same job title. The majority of people of color will be challenged to overcome numerous environmental stressors that stem from growing up in families, homes and community environments that were not able to provide consistent safety, comfort or protection.

Black and Hispanic households have an extreme disadvantage compared to white families in America when it comes to ability to create wealth, own homes, buy health insurance or save money for retirement. Due to a long history of employment discrimination and lack of stable jobs, good wages, retirement benefits, and ongoing mortgage discrimination, these disenfranchised families are subjected to a damaging cycle of wealth inequality. In the year 2016, white families in America had a median wealth of around $171,000 compared to approximately $18,000 for African American households and $21,000 for Hispanic households.

If you were born black in America, you are almost 3 times more likely to grow up in a broken home being raised by only one parent then if you were born white. African American children are also more likely to grow up in impoverished neighborhoods, are more likely to witness domestic and physical violence, and thus are forced to develop the “survival skills” necessary to adapt and keep going. What we know about these survival skills is that while they may be helpful to us initially, down the road they hinder our ability to experience healthy attachment with others.

Black and Hispanic Americans are also more likely to be incarcerated than white Americans. In 2017 there were about 476,000 incarcerated adult African Americans compared to 436,000 adult white Americans however, black Americans only made up 12% of the entire adult population in the United States but made up more than 50% of the incarcerated population. All of these “layers” of traumatic events, being invasive and interpersonal in nature, have long-lasting effects.  Most notably this includes a greater chance of struggling with mental health issues, substance abuse, chronic physical illness, depression and anxiety, domestic violence, divorce, financial difficulties and low self-esteem.

The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) Study

In 1995, a joint effort from the CDC and Kaiser Permanente resulted in the creation of a large-scale ACE study which is a simple 10-item questionnaire that completely changed the way the medical community viewed the impact of these early childhood experiences. The study looks at three sets of questions highlighting abuse, neglect, and household challenges that an individual faced, and compared them to health outcomes later in life. What they found was groundbreaking: (source)

    1. Nearly two-thirds (64%) of adults surveyed have at least one ACE.
    2. ACEs have a significantly significant correlation with chronic disease (cancer, diabetes), infectious disease (HIV, STDs), injury and maternal health as well as mental illness (depression, anxiety, suicide), problems with addiction, and lost education or career opportunities.
    3. If you have one ACE, you are 87% more likely to have two or more.
    4. The more ACEs you have, the greater your risk for the abovementioned negative outcomes.
    5. It doesn’t matter which four ACEs a person has; the harmful consequences are the same:
      Those with an ACE score of 4 are two times more likely to smoke and seven times more likely to abuse alcohol. This same score increases the risk of attempted suicide by 1200 percent and indicates that these individuals are more likely to be violent, to have more marriages, more broken bones, more drug prescriptions, experience more depression, and more autoimmune diseases.
    6. Those with an ACE score of 6 or higher are at risk of their lifespan being shortened by 20 years.

The fundamental understanding of the ACE study lies in the simple truth that greater exposure to negative events in childhood increases the risk of negative outcomes later in life. This data cuts across disparities in wealth, age, and race in producing the same negative outcomes. However, unsurprisingly, in America, one in three black children have experienced two to eight ACEs in their lifetime, compared to only one in five white non-Hispanic children. For all children, the most common ACE is the divorce or separation of a parent or guardian, however, unique to the black experience is the second most-likely ACE: parental incarceration.

A Closer Look at the Criminal Justice System

Let’s look at one small piece of the puzzle. While it’s documented that both white and black individuals engage in drug offenses at roughly the same rate (whites perhaps even more than blacks) black individuals are incarcerated 10 times more often. The American Civil Liberties Union reports that due to this, “there are more black people under the control of prison and corrections departments today than were ever enslaved by this country”.

In addition to this practice of selective enforcement on drug laws, and favorable sentencing for white people, our criminal justice population in general is made up of people with histories of childhood systemic trauma, abuse, and neglect. Children who were physically abused are more likely to turn around and do the same, as those who were neglected are also more likely to be later arrested for a violent offense. Thus creating a cycle that continues to repeat itself.

Whether the reason for parental incarceration is petty drug crimes or serious offenses, children left without available caregivers add to the growing number of ACEs they will experience in their lifetime. Imagine the widespread impacts of this alone. These children may grow up, become offenders themselves, and pass on this pattern to the next generation. This is a chronic system that keeps churning out the same results, year after year. Thousands of traumatized people, forced to live in a broken system, it’s no wonder we have again begun to shout, “no more!”.

What Can We Do About It?

One approach that might be helpful is to focus on healing.  Rather than taking up resources in state and federal prisons for people who are incarcerated on non-violent or drug offenses, maybe what these individuals need is to be treated for trauma. Maybe what these children need are safe caregivers with whom they can develop a secure attachment. Maybe what our country needs is to heal from the horrors our silence has brought upon our black brothers and sisters.

We’re all contributing to the problem. However, with the courage to do some self-assessment, to avoid the pull to numb and to pretend that it has nothing to do with us, we may realize that we can actually be a part of the solution. If you are not already familiar, consider this your call to action to get to know the history of what has led to the recent riots against police violence and current #BlackLivesMatter protests in America and around the world. Take time to educate yourself and understand how this problem is affecting all lives in America and how important it is that we all play our part to change it.

We can learn the truth of our country’s history and what is going on today. Here are some recommended documentaries to get you up to date on the systemic trauma being caused by racism, a biased judicial system and police brutality which steep through the lives of families and communities and perpetuate continued suffering for generations.

We can use our voice and our vote to join those seeking justice. We can look beyond what’s happening on the streets and on social media and seek to understand the hurt beneath. Ultimately, we can see these protests for what they really are: the cries of a hurt and traumatized community, demanding their pain be recognized and acted upon.

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