Author: Holly Mae Haddock

Spotlight on Body

The body is the most basic, primary, and important aspect of our human experience. In order to have the human experience, we must be in a human body.

Is that statement obvious, or startling? Maybe it’s both? 

When the body expires, we are no longer here in this plane. It’s possible we go somewhere else, but we are definitely no longer here in the way we were before. 

Body is our life. Without body, there is no human life. Loving body, we thrive.   

Loving Body

The “body knows best” mindset is a powerful one. It can help women to feel more confident, happy, and empowered. If you are a woman who is struggling with your body image, I encourage you to adopt this mindset. It may just be the best thing you ever do for yourself.

It’s important to love, recognize, and value our bodies. If we take care of our bodies, they take care of us.

When we love the body, the body shifts into a state of happiness and satisfaction. Body is like a sweet animal, a pet. When we give it love, attention, affection, and take care of it, that happiness and well-being is visible. We see how much body likes to be nourished, stroked, and recognized. 

Body needs to be resourced. When we give it what it needs, it blooms and grows. Body becomes a path for us bringing our best and highest gifts into the world. We can truly help and be in genuine service to all of humanity only when body is sufficiently supported.  

Loving our own Bodies helps other Bodies

When our bodies are happy, that’s when we best support happiness and well-being in the bodies of others. 

This is because bodies are always in communication with each other, like a flock of birds in formation. We co-regulate, align, and attune whether we realize it or don’t. 

With or without our conscious awareness, body radiates nervous system information through subtle variations in breath, muscle tension, posture, and gaze.

Body communicates safety or unease, happiness or unhappiness, and complications to these. Angry but not safe to show it, happy but feeling guilty about that happiness, and on and on in many variations. 

Whatever we communicate, it will have a strong bearing on what other people feel in their bodies, too. 

All Bodies are Linked

We are collective beings, as isolated and unique as we also are. Truly, our well-being cannot be fully separated from that of the others. 

We all know what a happy body feels like from within. We also all know what a happy body looks like from the outside. 

When we see people after they come back from vacation, after they’ve had a satisfying creative experience, or when they’ve fallen in love, we sense it immediately. Happiness registers as deeper, fuller breaths, a more open posture and gaze. We see a soft face, bright energy, a lighter feeling all around.

We feel another person’s vibrations in our own bodies, emanating towards us like light given off by a powerful star. Other people’s peace warms us like rays of the sun. So anytime someone prioritizes harmony, practices love, and learns the disciplines of alignment to Source, this is a benefit for us all.

We all know what it looks and feels like when someone isn’t ok, too. When others are not ok, we also tend to start to feel not ok, whether because we let their suffering in or because we start to block and defend against them. 

There is no way out of this inherent unity with all.

Get to Know Your Home Base Body

To be more mindful of what we share with the collective, we can start by noticing what our own home base body is. How do we normally breathe, where do we place our gaze, how do we stand, what do we do with our hands?

How open or closed is our core? Do we have any chronic, habitual ways of holding ourselves, our facial muscles, eye movements, chin angle?

How does our home base body shift, subtly or not so subtly, when happy, sad, triggered, or irritated? What happens to our voice, our breath, the amount of space we take up in the room?

Look for how your body relates to space and the presence of other bodies. Home base isn’t good or bad, it’s just you, your wonderful self. 

Subtle Shifts to Our Body Vibrations

We can begin to shift and change our body vibrations, once we understand more about what we are radiating out to the world. 

We can learn from others. If someone you know seems happy and relaxed, notice what their body is doing to create, express, hold and convey happiness and relaxation. 

Try doing the same thing with your body too, and see what it does. You can find your way in this way, a fake-it-’til-you-make-it road to body happiness and relaxation. It’s one way into well-being that we have available to us.

Let the body go first, into a space, into a posture, a stance. Into happiness, peace, connection, and alignment to Source. Body knows best. 

The AA Slogan first things first is one of my favorites. 

Like many of the AA slogans, it is almost deceptively simple. And therein lies its elegance.

What is first things first saying, exactly? What are the first things? And why should we do them first?

The First Things

First things first reminds us to honor the true and most natural order of things. 

Reflecting on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, certain things truly are more basic and more important than other things. 

The needs towards the bottom of the pyramid – for shelter and safety, for example – are more important because they are primary. Primary in the sense that if these basic needs aren’t met, none of the others are even relevant, becoming moot points. 

There is a natural order to the totality of our lives, including those more refined facets, like love, spirituality, and personal meaning. Central to everything is a good connection to the wellspring of our vitality.

Prioritizing connection with our Source, howsoever we understand it/him/her, means that we make life very simple, very now moment, very grounded. 

Body is our First Priority

To keep Source first, we must prioritize body. Body is where our lifestream is unfolding. If the body isn’t ok, nothing else will be, either. Body is where Source is manifesting in our lives. 

This means, of course, staying sober every single day. But it also means keeping the body in such a balanced, clean, clear condition, that sobriety is a natural state for us. When body is happy, sobriety is not a struggle but an authentic, easy preference. 

Birds need to fly, to sing the songs given to them by their own nature, to collect materials to build their nests. Wolves, coyotes, and dogs need to run around and smell every tiny little thing. 

The human body has its own nature. It likes to move, to be in the great outdoors, but also to find contained, human-sized spaces, to recline in safety and to dream freely. It likes to sing at the top of its lungs, to dance, to laugh, play, mourn and fashion things with its hands. To hug, to get married, have interchanges of energy with other humans. 

When we let the human being body be what it wants to be by nature, we are in much better condition. Honoring body and all her native preferences, we honor where Source actually is living, right now. 

Why First

First things first also gives a sense of order in time, of when things need to happen. 

Saying something has to happen first is a way of saying Now. Now is the moment for this thing to be taken care of. Not later. 

Our choices are creational, we shape our futures with what we lend our attention to Now. The way we approach our Now decides the path forward and reorganizes the past.

When we honor the organic, emergent natural priority as Source-in-body directs, allowing each Now priority to take precedence as Source sees fit, we are in good alignment. 

Not only what, but How

First things first instructs the how, as well as the what. Maybe the first thing that truly needs to happen next is I need to go get a drink of water. If that’s so, then I can try to only do that, for now. Only getting up, only moving into the kitchen, only filling a glass, only drinking it, and that is all. 

Not also planning my tomorrow. Not also rehashing my yesterday. Not also still doing my work at the same time, nor planning what I will say to someone the next time I see them, but only this: getting a glass of water. 

With such a mindset, I can experience more of my life, not rush through every moment. Soon enough there will come a time when there will be no more drinking of any glasses of water. For now I am still here, right now, going through this very simple, complete act.

Journal: What are my First Things?

To play further and get the full-flowered benefit of first things first, try this journal prompt. 

As a list or in a free-flowed written page, identify your top priorities, what comes first for you, as of today. Eg: spiritual path comes first. Being a loving presence in this world comes first. Caring for inner and outer nature, for heart, for music, comes first. 

Now write a separate list of things that don’t matter, that don’t belong anywhere near your first things first list. These are the things that come second.  Eg: imagining what others think of me comes second. Taking away burdens from people who have not asked me to do so comes second.   

Looking over your list, in what ways could you more thoroughly and authentically honor your first priorities? 

Thanks for reading!

The key to easy breathing is understanding how to breathe right. If you are looking for ways to anchor better breathing into your body, it can be helpful to harness the power of your imagination.

Psyche’s native language is metaphor, as we see every time we dream. Pairing breath exercises with simple, easy images can be a valuable assist. Try it out!

Three-Part Breathing

To get ahold of deep breathing experientially, consider the three parts of a good breath: abdominal breath, thoracic breath, and clavicular breath. You can also call these belly breath, ribcage breath, and collarbone breath. 

Start with observing how these work. 

Lie on your back, laying one hand over your belly button and the other hand over your heart. Begin just by observing what your breath does on its own. 

Don’t judge yourself, you’re doing great whatever’s happening. But theoretically, good breath starts with the belly inflating, is followed by the chest inflating, and ends with the clavicle, or your collarbone, expanding and rising up a little. When you breathe out, it goes in reverse: first the clavicle drops, then the ribcage deflates, and lastly the belly empties out. 

(Not literally of course – the breath goes into the lungs. But correct breathing pushes the diaphragm down into the belly making it pop out, so it seems like we’re filling our bellies up first.) 

Now we can isolate the different portions of the breath and pair them with images as follows, to see if this helps us get a nice, yummy full breath going. 

The First Image: Balloon Breath

The first image is of a balloon inflating and deflating. Pair this image with the first part of good breathing, belly breath, to get a good, strong abdominal breath going.

Spend a little time picturing a balloon that you enjoy thinking about. Mine is a hot-air balloon with rainbow colors, stitched out of beautiful pastel-colored silk. I like thinking of a gigantic balloon stretching to the limits on the in-breath, as it is nearly bursting at the seams, warm and ready to rise, pulling at the strings that are holding it down… then imagining it landing, collapsing gently back onto the grass and finally fully deflating til it’s lying inert like a used parachute, as I breathe out.    

Once you have a balloon in mind, lie down, place both hands on your belly, either side of the navel. Begin to inhale slowly, imagining the breath goes into your belly and at the same time picturing your balloon inflating gently. 

Feel the space between your fingers expand slightly as you do so. When your belly/balloon feels full, like it can’t take any more air in, begin to slowly, slowly, slowly exhale, allowing the balloon and your belly to deflate all the way down to nothing. 

Take several breaths like this: at least seven of them. Then take a pause and return to your normal breath for a short break before you move onto the next image.  

The Second Image: Accordion Breath

The second image to play with goes with the ribcage and involves picturing an accordion. This is for getting a good, strong thoracic breath going. 

Again, spend a little time picturing your accordion. What color is it? Mine is a gleaming forest green, with pearl buttons and shiny, enamel-white and black keys. It’s Italian, I think. 

Whatever yours is like, imagine how it opens up as air fills it and then folds back together again as the air is pressed out as musical sound. Imagine how it’s the strength of your hands that pulls the accordion apart and gently presses it back into shape.

Lying down, place hands on your rib cage, maybe crossing your hands over to the opposite side to lay comfortably against the side of your chest somewhere. Begin to inhale slowly, imagining the breath is air going into your accordion, as you feel your hands rise and expand apart subtly as you do so. 

When your accordion/ribcage feels full, like it can’t take any more air in, begin to slowly, slowly, slowly exhale, allowing the accordion and your entire ribcage to compress. Imagine hearing the musical sound your accordion is making as you fold your chest back in. 

Take several breaths like this: at least seven of them. Again take a pause and return to your normal breath for a short break before you move onto the next image.  

The Third Image: Boat in the Harbor Breath

The final image to play with goes with the clavicle, or collarbone, and involves picturing a sailboat in a harbor on a beautiful day. This is for getting a good, strong clavicular breath going. 

Picture a pretty, nice wooden sailboat, however, it comes to you. Now imagine that this sailboat is anchored in a pleasant harbor of clean blue water on a calm, sunny day. Now picture that the tide beneath your sailboat is gently rising. As water is coming in, your sailboat rises high on that water. Now imagine the tide going out, and see how the sailboat drops low with the lowering water. 

Lying down, place fingers gently along your collarbone somewhere, just below your neck. Begin to inhale slowly, imagining the breath is water filling up your harbor as the tide comes in, causing your sailboat to rise gently. When you’ve reached high tide, begin to let your breath out as you picture the tide going out and your sailboat dropping low on the water. 

Again do this several times, at least seven full breaths, then return to your normal breath, enjoying any sensations these exercises have brought for you. 

Take a moment to picture a small infant sleeping peacefully in a safe, soft bed. Observe its belly, gently, fluidly, evenly expanding and contracting. Do you still breathe like that? 

I don’t, not without consciously reminding myself to and practicing. But as babies, we all knew how to breathe. Puppies, kittens, foals, baby capybaras, take your pick! All baby mammals are born knowing how to breathe the way nature meant us to. But we unlearned it.

Like the rest of us, I learned how to breathe incorrectly through a combination of exposure to overwhelming events and social training. Everywhere throughout my early education and family life, I was taught ways of moving, holding onto myself, and suppressing vitality and breath.  

How to Breathe Wrong

Based on what I learned, here is my best advice for breathing wrong: 

• Take weak, shallow breaths to make sure no emotions circulate and you’re always in a state of low-grade anxiety and depression
• Tense your back, shoulders, and abdominal muscles around your core with a permanent, body cast-like rigidity, so nothing gets in or out
• Sit at your desk for 25+ years of schooling followed by decades of office work or until your torso resembles a sack of potatoes

What about you, what’s your best tip for breathing wrong? 

Experts in the Wrong Way to Live

Come to think of it, what other wrong ways of living are we experts in? Here are some of my other specialties:

• How to avoid conflict but still hang onto deep resentments
• How to turn rage in on yourself, to create depression that keeps you safe and also miserable
• How to arrest my own development, to keep from growing up, so that I stay frozen and don’t have to process grief about what happened to me and the people I love most
• How to give away my power to tyrannical people and institutions, so that I continue to feel like a victim, even as a privileged adult

The Rule of Living Wrong

I can tell you a lot about how to live wrong. By wrong, I mean, wrong for me. Wrong because it makes me suffer, wrong because I don’t like it, wrong because it doesn’t really feel like a choice, even if it technically is. 

I wonder if this is true of you too. If you’re like me, no matter how wrong for you your habits are, at one point you chose them. Perhaps you did it under duress, perhaps you did it to go with the program, to avoid further fuss or danger or whatever. But at some point, at some level of consciousness or another, you decided to adopt, practice, and master misery-creating behaviors as a way of staying alive. 

I’m not saying the bad things that happened to you and left deep wounds in your core are in any way your fault. But the entry point into changing life does lie somewhere in the fuzzy area where we can recognize that it was, and still is, some kind of a choice to hold reality-generating beliefs. This is important because of this thought: if that’s so, then maybe I can choose something different now. 

Yes, yes you can. So can I. It might take a long time, but habits can be changed in the same exact way they were installed in the first place, through choice and repetition.   

Today, my food for thought is: let’s flip the Rules for Living Wrong into their opposites, Rules for Living Right.

Journal Exercise: Rules for Living

Part 1: Start with thinking about some aspect of yourself or your life that you don’t like experiencing anymore. It can be something from your practical realm, like “never earning quite enough money” or it can be an inner thing you grapple with, like “constant self-doubt.”

Now see if you can identify what are the bad Rules for Living that give rise to this result. 

Eg, here’s a rule that leads to “never earning quite enough money to feel secure”: 

• Always ask for less than you deserve, so that people don’t get mad at you or think you think you’re better than you are

See how that relates? It’s great advice if your goal is to earn less. 

Part 2: Once you’ve gotten the “bad” rules out, see if you can flip them on their head. What is the opposite rule? Think about trying these new, different rules on, even if you’re not ready to do it. You can have fun and play around with this, laughing at the ridiculous things you think of. Or maybe they’re tender and serious. See what happens. 

An opposite rule for my example might be: 

• Always ask for a little bit more than what you technically deserve according to the market, so that people see how much you value yourself and they are impressed and inspired to follow suit in valuing you. 

Play around, have fun, it’s just a thought experiment!