Category: Wellness

Spotlight on Body

The body is the most basic, primary, and important aspect of our human experience. In order to have the human experience, we must be in a human body.

Is that statement obvious, or startling? Maybe it’s both? 

When the body expires, we are no longer here in this plane. It’s possible we go somewhere else, but we are definitely no longer here in the way we were before. 

Body is our life. Without body, there is no human life. Loving body, we thrive.   

Loving Body

The “body knows best” mindset is a powerful one. It can help women to feel more confident, happy, and empowered. If you are a woman who is struggling with your body image, I encourage you to adopt this mindset. It may just be the best thing you ever do for yourself.

It’s important to love, recognize, and value our bodies. If we take care of our bodies, they take care of us.

When we love the body, the body shifts into a state of happiness and satisfaction. Body is like a sweet animal, a pet. When we give it love, attention, affection, and take care of it, that happiness and well-being is visible. We see how much body likes to be nourished, stroked, and recognized. 

Body needs to be resourced. When we give it what it needs, it blooms and grows. Body becomes a path for us bringing our best and highest gifts into the world. We can truly help and be in genuine service to all of humanity only when body is sufficiently supported.  

Loving our own Bodies helps other Bodies

When our bodies are happy, that’s when we best support happiness and well-being in the bodies of others. 

This is because bodies are always in communication with each other, like a flock of birds in formation. We co-regulate, align, and attune whether we realize it or don’t. 

With or without our conscious awareness, body radiates nervous system information through subtle variations in breath, muscle tension, posture, and gaze.

Body communicates safety or unease, happiness or unhappiness, and complications to these. Angry but not safe to show it, happy but feeling guilty about that happiness, and on and on in many variations. 

Whatever we communicate, it will have a strong bearing on what other people feel in their bodies, too. 

All Bodies are Linked

We are collective beings, as isolated and unique as we also are. Truly, our well-being cannot be fully separated from that of the others. 

We all know what a happy body feels like from within. We also all know what a happy body looks like from the outside. 

When we see people after they come back from vacation, after they’ve had a satisfying creative experience, or when they’ve fallen in love, we sense it immediately. Happiness registers as deeper, fuller breaths, a more open posture and gaze. We see a soft face, bright energy, a lighter feeling all around.

We feel another person’s vibrations in our own bodies, emanating towards us like light given off by a powerful star. Other people’s peace warms us like rays of the sun. So anytime someone prioritizes harmony, practices love, and learns the disciplines of alignment to Source, this is a benefit for us all.

We all know what it looks and feels like when someone isn’t ok, too. When others are not ok, we also tend to start to feel not ok, whether because we let their suffering in or because we start to block and defend against them. 

There is no way out of this inherent unity with all.

Get to Know Your Home Base Body

To be more mindful of what we share with the collective, we can start by noticing what our own home base body is. How do we normally breathe, where do we place our gaze, how do we stand, what do we do with our hands?

How open or closed is our core? Do we have any chronic, habitual ways of holding ourselves, our facial muscles, eye movements, chin angle?

How does our home base body shift, subtly or not so subtly, when happy, sad, triggered, or irritated? What happens to our voice, our breath, the amount of space we take up in the room?

Look for how your body relates to space and the presence of other bodies. Home base isn’t good or bad, it’s just you, your wonderful self. 

Subtle Shifts to Our Body Vibrations

We can begin to shift and change our body vibrations, once we understand more about what we are radiating out to the world. 

We can learn from others. If someone you know seems happy and relaxed, notice what their body is doing to create, express, hold and convey happiness and relaxation. 

Try doing the same thing with your body too, and see what it does. You can find your way in this way, a fake-it-’til-you-make-it road to body happiness and relaxation. It’s one way into well-being that we have available to us.

Let the body go first, into a space, into a posture, a stance. Into happiness, peace, connection, and alignment to Source. Body knows best. 

The AA Slogan first things first is one of my favorites. 

Like many of the AA slogans, it is almost deceptively simple. And therein lies its elegance.

What is first things first saying, exactly? What are the first things? And why should we do them first?

The First Things

First things first reminds us to honor the true and most natural order of things. 

Reflecting on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, certain things truly are more basic and more important than other things. 

The needs towards the bottom of the pyramid – for shelter and safety, for example – are more important because they are primary. Primary in the sense that if these basic needs aren’t met, none of the others are even relevant, becoming moot points. 

There is a natural order to the totality of our lives, including those more refined facets, like love, spirituality, and personal meaning. Central to everything is a good connection to the wellspring of our vitality.

Prioritizing connection with our Source, howsoever we understand it/him/her, means that we make life very simple, very now moment, very grounded. 

Body is our First Priority

To keep Source first, we must prioritize body. Body is where our lifestream is unfolding. If the body isn’t ok, nothing else will be, either. Body is where Source is manifesting in our lives. 

This means, of course, staying sober every single day. But it also means keeping the body in such a balanced, clean, clear condition, that sobriety is a natural state for us. When body is happy, sobriety is not a struggle but an authentic, easy preference. 

Birds need to fly, to sing the songs given to them by their own nature, to collect materials to build their nests. Wolves, coyotes, and dogs need to run around and smell every tiny little thing. 

The human body has its own nature. It likes to move, to be in the great outdoors, but also to find contained, human-sized spaces, to recline in safety and to dream freely. It likes to sing at the top of its lungs, to dance, to laugh, play, mourn and fashion things with its hands. To hug, to get married, have interchanges of energy with other humans. 

When we let the human being body be what it wants to be by nature, we are in much better condition. Honoring body and all her native preferences, we honor where Source actually is living, right now. 

Why First

First things first also gives a sense of order in time, of when things need to happen. 

Saying something has to happen first is a way of saying Now. Now is the moment for this thing to be taken care of. Not later. 

Our choices are creational, we shape our futures with what we lend our attention to Now. The way we approach our Now decides the path forward and reorganizes the past.

When we honor the organic, emergent natural priority as Source-in-body directs, allowing each Now priority to take precedence as Source sees fit, we are in good alignment. 

Not only what, but How

First things first instructs the how, as well as the what. Maybe the first thing that truly needs to happen next is I need to go get a drink of water. If that’s so, then I can try to only do that, for now. Only getting up, only moving into the kitchen, only filling a glass, only drinking it, and that is all. 

Not also planning my tomorrow. Not also rehashing my yesterday. Not also still doing my work at the same time, nor planning what I will say to someone the next time I see them, but only this: getting a glass of water. 

With such a mindset, I can experience more of my life, not rush through every moment. Soon enough there will come a time when there will be no more drinking of any glasses of water. For now I am still here, right now, going through this very simple, complete act.

Journal: What are my First Things?

To play further and get the full-flowered benefit of first things first, try this journal prompt. 

As a list or in a free-flowed written page, identify your top priorities, what comes first for you, as of today. Eg: spiritual path comes first. Being a loving presence in this world comes first. Caring for inner and outer nature, for heart, for music, comes first. 

Now write a separate list of things that don’t matter, that don’t belong anywhere near your first things first list. These are the things that come second.  Eg: imagining what others think of me comes second. Taking away burdens from people who have not asked me to do so comes second.   

Looking over your list, in what ways could you more thoroughly and authentically honor your first priorities? 

Thanks for reading!

The key to easy breathing is understanding how to breathe right. If you are looking for ways to anchor better breathing into your body, it can be helpful to harness the power of your imagination.

Psyche’s native language is metaphor, as we see every time we dream. Pairing breath exercises with simple, easy images can be a valuable assist. Try it out!

Three-Part Breathing

To get ahold of deep breathing experientially, consider the three parts of a good breath: abdominal breath, thoracic breath, and clavicular breath. You can also call these belly breath, ribcage breath, and collarbone breath. 

Start with observing how these work. 

Lie on your back, laying one hand over your belly button and the other hand over your heart. Begin just by observing what your breath does on its own. 

Don’t judge yourself, you’re doing great whatever’s happening. But theoretically, good breath starts with the belly inflating, is followed by the chest inflating, and ends with the clavicle, or your collarbone, expanding and rising up a little. When you breathe out, it goes in reverse: first the clavicle drops, then the ribcage deflates, and lastly the belly empties out. 

(Not literally of course – the breath goes into the lungs. But correct breathing pushes the diaphragm down into the belly making it pop out, so it seems like we’re filling our bellies up first.) 

Now we can isolate the different portions of the breath and pair them with images as follows, to see if this helps us get a nice, yummy full breath going. 

The First Image: Balloon Breath

The first image is of a balloon inflating and deflating. Pair this image with the first part of good breathing, belly breath, to get a good, strong abdominal breath going.

Spend a little time picturing a balloon that you enjoy thinking about. Mine is a hot-air balloon with rainbow colors, stitched out of beautiful pastel-colored silk. I like thinking of a gigantic balloon stretching to the limits on the in-breath, as it is nearly bursting at the seams, warm and ready to rise, pulling at the strings that are holding it down… then imagining it landing, collapsing gently back onto the grass and finally fully deflating til it’s lying inert like a used parachute, as I breathe out.    

Once you have a balloon in mind, lie down, place both hands on your belly, either side of the navel. Begin to inhale slowly, imagining the breath goes into your belly and at the same time picturing your balloon inflating gently. 

Feel the space between your fingers expand slightly as you do so. When your belly/balloon feels full, like it can’t take any more air in, begin to slowly, slowly, slowly exhale, allowing the balloon and your belly to deflate all the way down to nothing. 

Take several breaths like this: at least seven of them. Then take a pause and return to your normal breath for a short break before you move onto the next image.  

The Second Image: Accordion Breath

The second image to play with goes with the ribcage and involves picturing an accordion. This is for getting a good, strong thoracic breath going. 

Again, spend a little time picturing your accordion. What color is it? Mine is a gleaming forest green, with pearl buttons and shiny, enamel-white and black keys. It’s Italian, I think. 

Whatever yours is like, imagine how it opens up as air fills it and then folds back together again as the air is pressed out as musical sound. Imagine how it’s the strength of your hands that pulls the accordion apart and gently presses it back into shape.

Lying down, place hands on your rib cage, maybe crossing your hands over to the opposite side to lay comfortably against the side of your chest somewhere. Begin to inhale slowly, imagining the breath is air going into your accordion, as you feel your hands rise and expand apart subtly as you do so. 

When your accordion/ribcage feels full, like it can’t take any more air in, begin to slowly, slowly, slowly exhale, allowing the accordion and your entire ribcage to compress. Imagine hearing the musical sound your accordion is making as you fold your chest back in. 

Take several breaths like this: at least seven of them. Again take a pause and return to your normal breath for a short break before you move onto the next image.  

The Third Image: Boat in the Harbor Breath

The final image to play with goes with the clavicle, or collarbone, and involves picturing a sailboat in a harbor on a beautiful day. This is for getting a good, strong clavicular breath going. 

Picture a pretty, nice wooden sailboat, however, it comes to you. Now imagine that this sailboat is anchored in a pleasant harbor of clean blue water on a calm, sunny day. Now picture that the tide beneath your sailboat is gently rising. As water is coming in, your sailboat rises high on that water. Now imagine the tide going out, and see how the sailboat drops low with the lowering water. 

Lying down, place fingers gently along your collarbone somewhere, just below your neck. Begin to inhale slowly, imagining the breath is water filling up your harbor as the tide comes in, causing your sailboat to rise gently. When you’ve reached high tide, begin to let your breath out as you picture the tide going out and your sailboat dropping low on the water. 

Again do this several times, at least seven full breaths, then return to your normal breath, enjoying any sensations these exercises have brought for you. 

Take a moment to picture a small infant sleeping peacefully in a safe, soft bed. Observe its belly, gently, fluidly, evenly expanding and contracting. Do you still breathe like that? 

I don’t, not without consciously reminding myself to and practicing. But as babies, we all knew how to breathe. Puppies, kittens, foals, baby capybaras, take your pick! All baby mammals are born knowing how to breathe the way nature meant us to. But we unlearned it.

Like the rest of us, I learned how to breathe incorrectly through a combination of exposure to overwhelming events and social training. Everywhere throughout my early education and family life, I was taught ways of moving, holding onto myself, and suppressing vitality and breath.  

How to Breathe Wrong

Based on what I learned, here is my best advice for breathing wrong: 

• Take weak, shallow breaths to make sure no emotions circulate and you’re always in a state of low-grade anxiety and depression
• Tense your back, shoulders, and abdominal muscles around your core with a permanent, body cast-like rigidity, so nothing gets in or out
• Sit at your desk for 25+ years of schooling followed by decades of office work or until your torso resembles a sack of potatoes

What about you, what’s your best tip for breathing wrong? 

Experts in the Wrong Way to Live

Come to think of it, what other wrong ways of living are we experts in? Here are some of my other specialties:

• How to avoid conflict but still hang onto deep resentments
• How to turn rage in on yourself, to create depression that keeps you safe and also miserable
• How to arrest my own development, to keep from growing up, so that I stay frozen and don’t have to process grief about what happened to me and the people I love most
• How to give away my power to tyrannical people and institutions, so that I continue to feel like a victim, even as a privileged adult

The Rule of Living Wrong

I can tell you a lot about how to live wrong. By wrong, I mean, wrong for me. Wrong because it makes me suffer, wrong because I don’t like it, wrong because it doesn’t really feel like a choice, even if it technically is. 

I wonder if this is true of you too. If you’re like me, no matter how wrong for you your habits are, at one point you chose them. Perhaps you did it under duress, perhaps you did it to go with the program, to avoid further fuss or danger or whatever. But at some point, at some level of consciousness or another, you decided to adopt, practice, and master misery-creating behaviors as a way of staying alive. 

I’m not saying the bad things that happened to you and left deep wounds in your core are in any way your fault. But the entry point into changing life does lie somewhere in the fuzzy area where we can recognize that it was, and still is, some kind of a choice to hold reality-generating beliefs. This is important because of this thought: if that’s so, then maybe I can choose something different now. 

Yes, yes you can. So can I. It might take a long time, but habits can be changed in the same exact way they were installed in the first place, through choice and repetition.   

Today, my food for thought is: let’s flip the Rules for Living Wrong into their opposites, Rules for Living Right.

Journal Exercise: Rules for Living

Part 1: Start with thinking about some aspect of yourself or your life that you don’t like experiencing anymore. It can be something from your practical realm, like “never earning quite enough money” or it can be an inner thing you grapple with, like “constant self-doubt.”

Now see if you can identify what are the bad Rules for Living that give rise to this result. 

Eg, here’s a rule that leads to “never earning quite enough money to feel secure”: 

• Always ask for less than you deserve, so that people don’t get mad at you or think you think you’re better than you are

See how that relates? It’s great advice if your goal is to earn less. 

Part 2: Once you’ve gotten the “bad” rules out, see if you can flip them on their head. What is the opposite rule? Think about trying these new, different rules on, even if you’re not ready to do it. You can have fun and play around with this, laughing at the ridiculous things you think of. Or maybe they’re tender and serious. See what happens. 

An opposite rule for my example might be: 

• Always ask for a little bit more than what you technically deserve according to the market, so that people see how much you value yourself and they are impressed and inspired to follow suit in valuing you. 

Play around, have fun, it’s just a thought experiment!

Thoughts in the Background

Women with addiction tend to struggle with negative thoughts. It’s part of why we’re prone to reaching for substances to help us feel better. 

If we pay close attention, we may notice that we are saturated with self-talk, so familiar and chronic that we barely stop to object to it. This talk might be like a drippy faucet on some days and a firehose on others, but chances are high that negativity in some form is a near-constant presence. It’s part of the inner environment of our psyche.   

Whether we notice the thoughts or not, the evidence of their existence is visible in our lives. Our behaviors, choices, relationships, and bodies all reflect the fact that deep in the background, negative thoughts are running the show. 

Inner Thoughts Pollute the Psyche

These negative thoughts, with their ominous voice-overs, interpretations, and vibes, vastly affect what it feels like inside our own skin. Just as the same video clip seems very different depending on the music you set it to, our lives feel completely different based on the quality and tone of the thoughts running in our heads. 

Negative thoughts are like environmental toxins, polluting our inner world. That which is natural, sweet, and kind within us can’t live or feel safe in such an environment. The pain these thoughts create will reinforce the addiction habit because we need to get away from it all. 

Changing the Program

We can change the program. We can say, “Enough of these voices! Let’s listen to some different ones. Let’s choose something that feels good to listen to.”

It’s some work, but not nearly as much as it sounds. Thoughts can be shifted and changed much more easily than we think once we decide to do that. 

Some follow-through, persistence, optimism, and faith will help. Start with believing that it can be done. 

The following four practices for thinking better thoughts may help you on your way.

4 Practices for Thinking Better Thoughts

1. Notice Your Inner Weather

Begin to notice when your negative thoughts are especially strong. A clue is that you will feel bad, triggered to use, or in some other way uncomfortable. If you are not feeling happy and relaxed, some negative thoughts are at play. 

For example, if you notice you feel anxious, empty, agitated, or depressed, that means strong negative thoughts are going on.

Next time you catch this, say to yourself,  “Aha! There must be some negative thoughts going on. I wonder what they are?”

2. Observe and Distance: Thoughts are Just Thoughts

Begin to identify what, precisely, your negative thoughts are saying. Listen closely to observe exactly what interpretation of your life is being offered.

Practice the following mantra: “I am not my thoughts. Thoughts can be positive, and thoughts can be negative, but either way, they are only thoughts. If I listen to negative thoughts, I will feel bad. If I listen to positive thoughts, I will feel good. Either way, thoughts are just thoughts, and I am not my thoughts.” 

3. Use Logic to Defeat Negative Thoughts

Negative thoughts can feel insanely convincing, even though they are nothing more than opinions or expectations, and would be easily defeated in a logical debate. 

For example, the depressing thought, “Things will always be like this,” is disprovable in a matter of seconds because your life has never once stayed the same. Hasn’t it always changed, evolved, shifted, and grown? Isn’t it true that nothing, not even you, has once stayed the same?

Practice countering the logic of negative thoughts, and you will get better and better at it over time. You’ll find that negative thoughts go poof in the light of logic.

4. Find Better-Feeling Thoughts

Finally, practice adopting and creating new thoughts that feel better. Using the criteria, “How does this thought feel to my body?”, find interpretations that you, personally, choose to have of your own life. 

It’s all in the framing! Using your own personal life philosophy, your unique creativity, and your way of relating to this world, what do you think is the best way to think about this situation? Get in the habit of asking yourself which way of looking at it feels the nicest to your body. 

Gradually, your new, better-feeling thoughts will become the default program, and you won’t have to work so hard to be happy. Won’t that be nice?

I have a love-hate relationship with meditation. On the one hand, I have had so many positive experiences with it. On the other hand, many days when it’s time to meditate a part of me bolts for the hills like a half-tamed mare. 

It can be exasperating to witness how much bucking of the saddle lives on in me after all these years. I am not the elegant equestrian. I am the humbled rodeo clown, hat in hand. If you can relate, read on!

At this point my opinion is that as someone with tendencies towards addiction, maybe I can accept and validate this about myself rather than condemn it. Life is a little easier when I chuckle at my vivacious resistance, seeing it like a big, wet sandy dog who runs away from being washed after a walk on the beach, or a toddler who books it across the lawn because he knows I want to change his poopy diaper.

If you, like me, sometimes struggle to get yourself to meditate, here are some possibly-helpful tips. Shared with love and fondness for all within us that resists the bridle.

1. Understand the Role of Trauma

It took me a really long time to understand that part of why I struggle so much with meditation is that when I sit down and get in touch with my breath, I often encounter unprocessed trauma responses in the body. 

Unprocessed trauma responses in the body feel like death, literally, because it is the same energy and physiological messaging that your body has when you are actually dying. Given that I have a backlog of signals in the body saying “you’re not safe, you’re dying, you’re dying!”, it’s naturally challenging on some days. 

It’s true that eventually meditation helps with these things. But before you understand what’s going on, if you treat yourself like you’re bad for wanting to avoid that feeling, you can make it worse, because being bad is part of trauma. 

My suggestion: make kind recognition of trauma energies a deliberate part of the practice. Just as you may say to yourself, “Breathing in, I am aware that I am breathing in,”, you can also say, “This is a trauma response in the body. I am aware it is a trauma response in the body.”

2. Lower the Bar

A friend in Twelve Step once said, “If you must compare yourself, compare yourself to someone in your own weight class. Lightweights don’t fight heavyweights.” 

This was not meant offensively, but rather to say, understand the context of your consciousness, and lower the bar! If you are recovering from addiction, if you are still working out how to feel safe in your own skin, take that into account in your assessment of how well you are doing. 

There are differences in skill and capacity amongst us, no doubt. But there is no value difference between any of us because of that. We all contribute to God’s expanding consciousness, and are loved in equal measure just because. So make sure you are using a right-sized measuring stick.

3. Give the Inner Child Veto Power

I have a deal with my Inner Child that if the distress and discomfort becomes too overwhelming, she is allowed to say “time out” and I will honor it. Letting the Inner Child have veto power which she is allowed to use sometimes can create so much more safety around the practice. If there are days when you just can’t meditate, ok. There’s always tomorrow to try again. 

4. Don’t Make it an Ego Trip (or Notice When You Do)

One of the biggest pitfalls of course, is when we start thinking “Wow, I’m such a good meditator” or, conversely, “I’m such a terrible meditator! Oh no!” as if “a meditator” is an identity. 

This is the ego seeking shelter, once again, in making thingness out of something that’s not a thing, because ego likes stasis and to latch and grasp on. We can observe, laugh and marvel at ego’s tenacity, making that part of the practice too. “I see you, ego! Hi there!”

5. Turn it Over

Some days it’s honestly just: “Source, please make this meditation practice what you would have it be.” Because often enough it’s me, not spirit, who’s insisting on a particular idea of correct meditation. How long it should be, what it should be like. I may be meditating because I want to be victorious against my suffering, because I don’t want to experience my fear, because I want to feel like I was a good girl today. Spirit probably wants something else. So remember it’s always an option to say uncle and let the unconditioned space within you rise up to steer your practice.

Thanks for reading!

Human beings are made for friendship. The company of others makes our lives warmer, more light-filled, and resonant. 

Friends can surface qualities in us that otherwise stay submerged. They bring out our tenderness or our wit, maybe our rebelliousness and our generosity.  This harmonic resonance between compatible human beings is part of what makes friendship wonderful.

Some friends make us laugh – these friends are a treasure. Some friends give us room for the deeps inside, these being the ones who understand the inky waters of our hearts better than anyone else. 

Friends reflect to us pieces of our own nature, facets of the multidimensional jewel that every human being is. Knowing others, we know ourselves better. Each kaleidoscopic expression of a human soul helps us appreciate all humans. The fact that we are made like this is, in my mind, a cause for celebration, gratitude and joy. 

In order to have friends, we have to be friends, to activate the Friend Archetype inside. Just as only a Lover can be loved, only a Friend can be friends with another Friend. 

What is involved in being a friend? One way of thinking about it is that we must be available, adequately ready to share who we are with another. Our perspectives, our heart qualities, our instincts, must be accessible, relatively close to the surface. 

The only trouble with this is that to open ourselves to flow in an outward direction, sourcing from what’s inside us and heading to what looms out there, isn’t always easy. To open that gate requires some courage, some willingness to feel the waters of emotion flowing through us. 

Opening the gate also means that we open up to receiving, to potentially allowing another person’s energies to touch us, to interface with us, to change us. I don’t know about you, but I’m not always in the mood. Many days my trust is low and my expectations even lower. I don’t always have capacity. Sometimes I’m weary, recovering from the blows of life. 

But human beings are social animals, and we need to be among others of our own kind to feel complete. Mirror neurons show us that we are wired for empathy and to be attuned to the nervous systems of others. Our hardwiring for connection and communion in a tribal network of beings is an important aspect of the human experience. 

But we are also made for individuality, sovereignty, autonomy. To be always free in our own consciousness streams to choose the direction of our thoughts, feelings, and actions. To choose to merge in friendship from a place of loving communion is a choice.

There is wisdom in our psychological, physical distinctness from every other human. It’s what makes friendship possible, that we choose to come together and relate, and then choose to part again when the energies feel complete with that exchange. Psychological fusion with another is not the goal. 

On the painful side, our distinctness is why we can be lonely in our own skins, why merging with the essence of another through shared moments of understanding, prolonged eye contact, a shared funny bone, can feel rare.

Many of us also know what it feels like to be utterly isolated, fogged in, as though sealed into a weather system of our own misery, locked into a pocket of the universe where no light rays can find us. We can become as though fully disconnected and separate, and in this state we suffer immeasurably. 

In such times, where is friendship? Mystics from the Sufi tradition refer to God many times as “the Friend”, as one of the many names you can use to think about God. 

I love that idea, and it reflects my experience. In my most friendless times, I discovered the Friend within, both the one I am and the one that God is, and the fact that we are actually the same at some level of being. 

Loneliness gives us a reason to make friends with ourselves. If we want to experience true deep and loving friendship “out there”, then we need to also experience friendship internally, as our insides must match the outsides to be sustainable co-creators.

We are God in our innermost nature, and God is our Friend. So we are the Friend as well. When we choose friendship as a mode of relating, we both bring more friends into our own lives, and offer more of the vibration of friendship to the world.

And looking around the world today, it seems to me it sure could use a friend. 

Thanks for reading!

We are all breathing every second of the day, whether we are thinking about it or not. So what does it mean to do breathwork if breathing is an automatic process? 

Let’s explore the powerful benefits of breathwork and how it differs from other practices you may already know. 

What is the difference between meditation and breathwork?

The stereotypical picture of meditation is familiar to us: someone sits on the ground, eyes closed and palms upturned as they connect with blissful blankness. It looks like the embodiment of peace, and for many people, it can feel frustratingly unattainable. While this isn’t an entirely accurate picture of what meditation can truly be in your life, we don’t often have a mental picture for breathwork.

Breathwork isn’t a replacement or alternative to meditation but a practice entirely of its own. While meditation asks you for quiet focus, breathwork is entirely geared toward alternating the rhythm of your autonomic nervous system through the way you take in oxygen. Your breathing becomes the focus of your healing on every level- from the muscular action to the existential awareness- so that every breath you draw becomes the work you’re doing with your entire being.

Why is breathwork so powerful?

Breathwork is powerful because the air you breathe is a central component of powering your body and mind. You are shaped by the way you move through the world and the breath that moves through you as you do. Breathwork is powerful because you are powerful. 

Some of the benefits of breathwork are: 

• Reduced levels of pain and increased ability to self-manage pain 
• Better regulation of anxiety levels 
• Getting more (and better) sleep 
• Increasing the strength and health of your lungs
• Faster cell regeneration 
• Stronger immune system 
• Improved trauma recovery (physical and mental) 

• Increased circulation and more stable blood pressure 

There are many types of breathwork you can try

One of the most empowering reasons to consider breathwork for healing is the many ways to incorporate it into your life. Some types of breath work you may be familiar with already are square breathing, alternate nostril breathing, pranayama, or balanced breathing. There are practices for those just beginning, expert breath workers, and every stage in between. 

When you are beginning a breathwork practice as something new or an alternative to meditation, you can explore the types available based on what it is you’re looking for. Do you need support with anxiety or symptoms of trauma? Square breathing invites a 4-count breath at every step (inhale, pause, exhale, pause) and can help with that. Are you aiming for better control of your lung capacity and cell oxygenation? Diaphragmatic breathing engages your muscular strength in supporting those functions. 

How often should I practice breathwork?

As with all practices you begin, the way you cultivate it should be responsive to your needs and the progress you hope to make through it. 

Breathwork is scientifically proven 

Your ability to intentionally regulate your breathing has many benefits, as we’ve explored, but science wants you to know that it really works. With improvements to health that range from strong immune systems to improved removal of toxins through your breath, there are various studies that support the powerful effects of breathwork for healing. 

Breathwork works for healing because it is healing at a scientific and spiritual level. You are drawing in air that will move stagnancy within your body and introduce new possibilities as you remove the things that no longer serve you. For some people, that will be at a cellular physical level as toxins are removed. Others may find that the science of breath healing is more existential magic. 

The benefits you experience will be unique 

Your experience of breathwork will be just as unique as you are. While there is a vast possibility of benefits and life changes you may see, how breathwork impacts you will be a unique journey that you get to take. Every new change, benefit and development will be an exciting achievement to uncover along your path toward healing. 

How do I get started?

Whether you’re beginning as an alternative to meditation or in addition to other healing practices in your life, getting started with breath work is simple. You do not need a class, a guide or to be taught. There are types of breathwork you can do right here and now. Alternatively, there are amazing resources to inspire your breathwork practice across the internet, in holistic studios and communities across the country. 

Whether you choose to create a community breathwork practice or you strike out in a solitary space of internal healing, you have undoubtedly stumbled on a new space to breathe deep. 

Inhale, my friend, and prepare to exhale into new possibilities. 

If you or someone you know is ready to overcome substance addiction or is looking for a more holistic approach to recovery, Villa Kali Ma welcomes you. 

What if I told you that the power of observation may be the secret you’ve been looking for to unlock the magic in your world? Through the profound and already-present quiet joy in your life, it could be! But what is quiet joy, and how can you find it?

What counts as “quiet joy”? 

We already know that small things can have a big impact. Put simply, quiet joy is anything that is easily overlooked or often considered unimportant. Quiet joy is not about the big things or the active parts of our lives. It’s a passive observation of the things you’re already experiencing through your daily routine or the life that’s happening now. 

You are worthy of soft pleasures in life and quiet joy, and you are already rich in the experiences that provide them. To help you make the most of that, we’ve gathered our six favorite tips for harnessing the power of observation without creating more obligation. 

Our life-changing tips to find quiet joy every day 

1. Fit gratitude into new spaces. 

There are so many beautiful practices that center around gratitude in our lives, but when is the last time you scaled it down into the micro-moments of your day? Gratitude journaling is great, but what about gratitude notetaking, mood boarding or photography? Consider a practice that you can fit into any moment through the use of your phone, a journal or something else that you’ve always got at the tip of your fingers. You can use an app designed for it like Pinterest, or just the Notes app or photo albums on your phone to collect observations of gratitude you experience as you move through your daily life. 

2. Let your intuition lead you toward magic. 

You know, deep down, what helps you to see the wonder that exists in the world. Recognizing the implicit magic in the things that happen in your life is a skill you already have. Through conditioning, that skill becomes suppressed- you begin to recognize the magic in the expensive, novel or hallmark moments in life instead of all the places they reside. You may feel silly or a little bit ashamed by the joy of a sunset or the smell of a new book, but you shouldn’t! Trust those moments when you feel excited or enamoured by the ordinary moments in your life. Your intuition is showing you the everyday places the extraordinary is already present. 

3. Re-write your self-talk about value. 

You are not only valuable when you are performing to the expectations of yourself and others. Try practicing self-talk that’s observational for the magic that already exists in you. When you feel tempted to criticize yourself for a thought or feeling, try observing it. Instead of “I never get things right the first time”, you can try observing that you need a learning moment. Now you’ve made use of an experience that felt frustrating and the power of your observation can become a part of the narrative you have about yourself instead of just criticism.

4. Notice the mundane with intention. 

The power of the extraordinary still exists in our everyday lives, but we stop noticing it as a product of our constant activity. Each day, try narrating a different mundane part of your day to yourself. This may feel silly at first but you can harness some of the magic you’ve forgotten to feel simply by noticing it. So today when you make your afternoon snack or you wash your face tonight, narrate the process to yourself and observe all the actions, small and simple, that are contributing to the ways you experience care in your life. 

5. Choose one way to connect with your body every day. 

Whether you’re spending a few minutes in meditation or choosing a more hands-on approach like exercise or orgasms, return to the power of your physical presence for a few minutes each day. Doing one activity every day that makes you feel empowered in your body creates joy in a multitude of ways. When you stop thinking about the way you think about your body, you can feel about it instead. Take a moment to feel your body however is best for you and soak up the joy that brings you. 

6. Create something. 

Creation is one of the most empowering yet overlooked soft pleasures in life. Did you make yourself lunch? You created that meal- from the idea of it to the sustenance it’s provided to your body. Have you worked with your hands lately? That’s creating, whether you knitted a sweater or rearranged your spice cabinet. Creativity is an expansive part of our lives and, when we marvel at the magic we can create (see what we did there?), your creative power unfolds before you.

The extraordinary power of your intuition is on your side 

The soft pleasures are “a great pleasure in waiting”.  You already recognize the power of pleasure and of the experiences of life. Through intuition and excitement, quiet joy exists in your life and is available to you through the energy you expend already. It costs nothing extra in time or effort when you tune into your intuition. The challenge in recognizing and accessing quiet joy is to sit with them and turn your observation toward the everyday experience of living. When you do, you will find the pleasure they bring has been there for you all along. 

If you or someone you know is ready to unlock quiet joy in substance abuse recovery and beyond, Villa Kali Ma has a variety of programs available now. Get in touch today. 

The experience of storytelling is magical, and when you’ve got your pen in hand, a kaleidoscope of possibility is open to you. We invite you to join us on a journey to discover the impact of story, imagination and narrative power on your personal growth. 

You can escape into any story 

Have you ever become so immersed in a film, album, or book that you forget you’re simply a visitor in a fictional world? The power of storytelling (in any form) to help you get outside your own head and feel from a space beyond your own experience is unique and consuming. 

When your life story is colored by addiction and trauma, you may wonder if any form of escapism can be healthy. For many people, the only way beyond trauma is to find a way to recount what happened and process the event from a safe distance, psychologically. Evidence based trauma therapy techniques like EMDR function from a similar philosophy. 

As a treatment method, you can use the power of story to help you escape from your own mind when you become stuck. This kind of healthy escapism can allow you to reframe the emotions you’re experiencing by creating a new framework that’s removed from your experience, but one that allows you to get closer to it. Escapism alone isn’t a healthy way to heal long-term but it can be the coping mechanism you need to draw a full breath and gather your energy to keep moving forward. 

Storytelling can help in many ways 

Your story continues to happen within you, even when you are taking a break from processing the story so far. That story, your life, and your experiences are the narrative you tell yourself and others about what you’ve experienced. You can harness the power of your memories and emotions by viewing them through a creative lens and, according to research, doing so can help you to heal too. 

When you tell your story, you have the opportunity to reclaim those moments with the power of perspective we often gain in hindsight. Let’s talk about a couple of those benefits in more detail! 

You can create safety through storytelling 

When you tell yourself the story of an experience you’ve had, you may find opportunities to explore the reactions and emotions you felt through an abstract detachment. Doing this through a story where you are the narrator and author of what’s happened, can empower you to explore more deeply without the inhibition of time or pressure. 

You can write another ending 

Trauma can create blockages that prevent healing or true exploration of your own emotional scope. It’s difficult to move past these moments when you can’t process them without reliving the pain they caused. Through storytelling, you can rewrite that ending and explore the story in a new way. 

While doing so won’t allow you to actually change the way things played out, it can create a sense of peace or escapism within your truth that helps you to process the pain you felt. 

Self-talk and unconditional positive regard 

Story doesn’t just happen through creative or exploratory means. You are telling the story of your safety daily with the way that you talk to yourself. When you read a particularly intense thriller or a spicy scene in a novel, do you feel the press of adrenaline and the emotional risk? The same thing happens with the way you speak to yourself. 

When you hear words of judgment and criticism alongside your thoughts, you’ll begin to feel defensive before you’ve even seen the end of that thought story. 

Through unconditional positive regard, your internal narrative can become a space of unrelenting acceptance for your experiences. Rewriting the tone and words you use to speak to yourself can help you to reframe every story you’ve been a part of, and all the stories you’ve yet to live, from the foundation of your thoughts. 

Does the way I talk to myself really matter?

The way you speak to yourself will be the lens through which you view the stories of the rest of the world. With that in mind, how could it not matter? 

Use thoughtful words with deliberately neutral language when you are feeling emotionally fragile in order to head off a spiral of thought that will take your story to much darker spaces than you need. Likewise, you can use encouraging words when you feel confident to validate your experiences and increase the availability of power and curiosity to continue to explore those feelings. 

Your power is infinite in your story 

At the heart of it all, amid the tapestry of story that makes up each of our lives, you are the pillar of power in your story. You are more than the story of pain, fear, or trauma that may root you to a moment or reaction that feels unsafe. You are more than one victory or one regret. You are an infinite storybook, and you hold the incredible possibility presented with the knowledge that brings. 

If you are ready to explore the story of substance abuse in your life in order to create a holistic story of healing, reach out to us today. 

(760) 350-3131