Category: Addiction Treatment

Alcohol addiction is a serious disease that affects the minds, bodies, and spirits of women all over the world. 

Alcohol Addiction is a substance use disorder that has a strong foothold in society due to a variety of factors, including its easy accessibility. Villa Kali Ma’s integral, holistic approach to healing Alcohol Addiction is dedicated to assisting women to free themselves from enslavement to this severe and damaging pattern of behaviors and suffering.  

While light to moderate alcohol use is generally considered to be safe for the wider population, a significant portion of women who start out consuming alcohol in a more moderate way experience a progressive escalation in their use, eventually spiraling them into a state in which the negative impacts become a problem.

Long-term health impacts of Alcohol Addiction are significant. Alcohol adversely affects the heart, blood, pancreas, immune system, liver, and is linked with breast and esophageal cancers, among other forms of tissue damage to the physical body.

Psychologically, the impacts of Alcohol Addiction are not to be underestimated, resulting in disruption to mood regulation, worsening psychological troubles such as depression and anxiety, and entrenching pre-existing trauma patterning. 

Symptoms of Alcohol Addiction

Symptoms of Alcohol Addiction are broadly encompassed in the phenomena of tolerance, withdrawals, and an increasing pattern of loss of control over external circumstances of one’s life. As addiction grows, a person’s highest intentions and original personality, along with character, tend to degrade. These losses are recuperable with sobriety coupled with a firm commitment to a path of recovery, but will require a lot of personal work and considerable lifestyle and inner habit changes to correct.   

Tolerance is defined as needing more and more alcohol to achieve the same effect. It also explains desiring alcohol more frequently, and why many women go from drinking only on the weekends to drinking to daily to drinking first thing in the morning. 

Relatedly, withdrawal is the phenomenon that takes place when, in the absence of alcohol, the dependent person experiences very uncomfortable physical, emotional and mental states as a result of the substance not being present in the body anymore. This typically triggers a strong craving to drink again and may kick off mental and behavioral obsessions centered on procuring alcohol as soon as possible. 

Drinking to stave off the discomfort of withdrawals contributes to the overall progression of the disease and escalation in use, as the ever-increasing symptoms of alcohol withdrawal guide the drinker back to alcohol again and again, as in the case when a person drinks to make hand tremors, anxiety, insomnia or other alcohol-related symptoms go away. 

Immediate symptoms of withdrawal from alcohol include tremors, rapid pulse, restricted breathing, sweating, nausea and vomiting, anxiety, irritability, and insomnia. If withdrawing from a heavier pattern of use, withdrawal can include hallucinations and seizures, as well as the infamous DTs, or delerium tremens, in which the entire system can experience deep disturbances in functioning, that include mental disorientation, nightmares, stupor and irrational beliefs.

If you notice the presence of withdrawal symptoms such as the shakes in yourself when stopping drinking, it is very likely that damage to the body has already taken place in the gastrointestinal tract, liver, nerves, heart, and blood. Alcohol is poisonous to the body, so if you suspect the presence of an addictive relationship to it it is wise to seek treatment to stop this destructive pattern from getting worse.  

Other signs of Alcohol Addiction include a general pattern of continuing to drink or stopping only to return to drinking in spite of compelling reasons to stop, and in spite of sincere intentions not to (indicating a loss of willpower).

Other key signs include unmanageability of social, work, and personal life needs as the addiction gains primacy over the other aspects of one’s life. Life consequences directly related to use, such as losing a job, a relationship, or getting a DUI, frequently happen to women with Alcohol Addiction. 

Finally, emotional and relationship problems that are directly connected to using alcohol, such as victim-thinking, negativity, depression, anxiety, and dysfunctional or toxic relationship patterns are also typical of the disease.

Overall, the following telltale red flags may help us recognize in our more lucid moments to accept that we have developed a pattern of Alcohol Addiction:

• A strong, persistent urge to drink that is so powerful that efforts to stop drinking or cut down repeatedly fail
• Drinking more in one sitting that was originally intended, as when we say “I’ll just have one” but one leads to another and another, such that our good intentions to apply self-control feel ineffective 
• A tendency to rationalize, deny or minimize the truth of our relationship with alcohol, lying to ourselves (and others) about the presence of a problem
• Outer world impacts and consequences, such as deterioration in our relationships, work life, and ability to have mental-emotional balance

Causes of Alcohol Addiction

Alcohol Addiction has many causes. Alcohol Addiction originates in pain that a person tries to address with a mood-altering substance. 

If a woman has a chronic self-ache, it sets her up to look for a way to modulate or change that experience in some form or another, often through substances that seem in the short term to do the trick. 

Specifically with alcohol, its addictive qualities may be attributed to the combination of stimulating euphoric feelings while at the same time providing relaxing effects to the nervous system, thereby addressing two aspects of self-regulation at once. 

Genetic factors, family history, and its widespread availability are all additional factors in alcohol addiction being a top addiction in the Western world. 

Treatment for Alcohol Addiction

Treatment for alcohol addiction follows the following steps.

-Safely detoxify in a medically supervised setting. Due to the potential for seizures, psychosis, and delirium, it is important to detox with support from medical professionals who will be available to monitor and respond in time to the more dangerous aspects alcohol withdrawals. 

-Stabilize the body. Upon achieving full detoxification from alcohol, the needs of the body should be addressed with supportive interventions that help stabilize and restore the body’s immediate health requirements. This can include medical as well as alternative modalities that help the body stabilize.

-Secure a sober environment. It is critical to secure a fully sober environment with reinforced supports to change behavior. In early recovery a woman needs to install and fortify new patterns of behavior that encompass every aspect of life, from material world dimensions like work life, into inner-world emotional regulation and self-soothing habits. Receiving treatment in a residential rehabilitation facility like that offered by Villa Kali Ma, followed by a tapering down approach with Intensive Outpatient is usually best.

-Receive psychological support to change your thoughts, feelings and behavior. Treatment for Alcohol Addiction should include individual psychotherapy sessions as well as group work to address deeper wounds in the psyche. Ideally a woman is supported with trauma-informed treatment modalities like EMDR or Somatic Experiencing that can help the body learn at the nervous system level how to manage PTSD-symptoms without being driven to relapse. Villa Kali Ma’s many programs, therapy groups, and individual psychotherapy offerings meet these needs. 

-Connect to AA. It is advised to begin to connect as soon as one is stable enough, to a community of sober people who will be your failsafe network and support system going forward. Recovery is not a solo-endeavor, and it is a necessity to avoid isolation especially in the early stages of stabilization of sobriety.

-Learn about the nature of the disease and plan for relapse prevention. Treatment for Alcohol Addiction includes learning more about the disease and how it works, so as to be able to swiftly recognize its signature energies, including the early signs of relapse. A plan for relapse prevention that extends beyond the end of treatment will be made during treatment, and this plan includes a healthy set of new coping skills. 

Holistic Alcohol Addiction Treatment Options

Holistic Alcohol Addiction Treatment options include Villa Kali Ma’s unique, compassionately-minded program for women. Villa Kali Ma’s treatment is especially designed to incorporate the insights and practices known to be effective in alternative healing modalities together with the best of Western knowledge about addiction and recovery. 

Methodologies of healing that come from ancient wisdom schools like yoga, ayurveda, functional medicine (nutritional support), shamanic journeying, and breathwork assist recovering women to receive all they need to feel better, mind, body and soul. Massage therapy, fun sober group activities, walks on the beach and connections in the local recovering community are additionally supportive.

Villa Kali Ma provides expressive arts therapy, life skills-learning groups, equine therapy, and gardening as a part of its well-rounded program. At the core of Villa Kali Ma’s treatment program lie the most cutting edge and effective behavioral, cognitive, and evidence-based methodologies, such as Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness and Self-Compassion, and Internal Family Systems therapies. 

Our treatment program weaves in the body-mind connection, an aspect of a fully lived life that is often excluded in the more mechanistic Western model of addiction medicine. 

Women attending our program learn to access their own deepest inner wisdom and knowing, achieving their own personal sobriety and going on to live meaningful lives without substances. You can do it, too!

Freedom is the Gift of the Twelve Steps

Think what you want about the Twelve Steps, millions of people around the globe are successfully living “happy, joyous, and free” lives because of them. 

When someone experiencing addiction earnestly applies her sincerest dedication to working the 12 Steps, and stays involved in a 12 Step community over time, she has a fighting chance at a remarkable and meaningful life. 

As anyone who has ever been enslaved, incarcerated or otherwise bound knows: freedom is everything. The greatest gift of all.

Remember the Miraculous

Depending how bad our addiction was, this fact of restored freedom can seem more or less miraculous. 

People once thought lost to the straits of hell can turn their ships around and return to to the land of the living. Like heroes from a fairy tale, such people often sail on with such a spiritual wind at their backs that they far exceed what might be called the expectations of ordinary living. 

Life as an addict is a grotesque distortion of a human life, but life as a recovering addict is a heightened, more poignant and spiritually productive life than is generally available to those who don’t know what addiction is like.

Addiction is a Hero-Maker

Addiction either kills you or it forces you to awaken to your true nature. If your struggle with the kraken of your drug of choice doesn’t result in taking you under forever, your victory over it will be the same reason you are able to bring the latent beauty and elegance of your true intended life pattern into physicalized expression. 

Addiction is the best foe imaginable – one which will force you to either embody your greatest heroic potential, or will take your life in forfeit. 

The Ego and the Addict

Naturally, the addict within us doesn’t like 12 Step. She senses the threat. She might try it on to tell us that the 12 steps are lame or embarrassing. 

Well, that’s pot calling the kettle black. Being an addict is even more lame and embarrassing, when we get past the glamor, drama and romance and look at the brass tacks of wasting our lives in service to endless gluttony, craving, and inability to be satisfied. 

It’s amazing how the ego and the addict can work together, to construct a narrative in which recovery isn’t cool. 

In some ways, of course, they’re correct, because cool is about distance, and appearances, and who we imagine we are in the eyes of others. Cool is keeping the cards close to our vest and staying detached from it all.

Recovery isn’t something to brag about – and thank God it’s not. Because if it were something we could reasonably brag about, or have a viable ego trip about, that would be the beginning of the end of our recovery. 

Ego tries to replace the role of Source, the mystery from whom we receive our life and that beauty we are never, ever going to be able to control, whether we crave to or don’t.

The vanity of the Ego is infinite, and its ability to find a reason to resist the Twelve Steps is also infinite. So we keep an eye on ego and its pal, the addict.

To Whom Do We Owe our Recovery?

Even as an admirer of the Twelve Steps, if I’m not in a spiritual frame of mind, my ego might want me to de-emphasize the degree to which the Twelve Steps matter to me, how much I owe my life to them. 

As though the Twelve Steps are my mother and my father, and they embarrass me. How can I be embarrassed of them, for raising me, for giving me life? 

The Twelve Steps are not the only way to a loving relationship with Spirit, but they represent a systematized, structured, reliable path that works, especially given to those of us with the addict pattern woven into our destinies.  

Modern Love Letters to the Twelve Steps

In honor of the Twelve Steps, hallowed ancestors of recovery, I will explore them one by one in a series of posts over the following months. 

I will unpack each Step with a modern love letter that weaves in insights from the many holistic modalities that Villa Kali Ma uses to help heal each woman who comes through our doors. 

My hope is that these letters will help you feel more love in your own heart, for each Step on this very special, very human, very tender path to happiness. 

Thank you for reading!

Radical empathy practices imagining what life feels like to someone else. 

When we have radical empathy for recovery, we understand that addiction serves a purpose in a person’s psychological ecosystem. Addiction has a raison d’être, a root cause that is far more tenderhearted and touching than we might realize. 

Radical empathy knows of the existence of this very good reason for your addiction. What is it? 

A protective, life-enhancing, life-supporting, and positive intention: to survive against the odds.

Addiction Manages PTSD Symptoms 

Addiction shows up where the soul has been harmed. Addiction manages the PTSD symptoms that go along with living with a broken self. It makes life livable (ish). 

Therefore, when radical empathy looks at addiction, it sees it for what it actually is: a strategy to make it through something that would otherwise represent a serious danger to the psyche’s chances of being here at all.

Psyches can be busted and broken. We are resilient but not indestructible. We need protection, ways to keep ourselves together. 

Even though addiction is no friend – in fact, it creates many, many very serious problems – your psyche was trying, in its own way, to keep you alive for the future, when it developed this pattern.

Forgive yourself, if you can, for making a deal with the devil. For what you chose to do and what kind of a bind you were in, that required you to make that contract. That set you up for walking the demanding road to recovery, now.

Radical Empathy is The Key out of Prison

The key out of the prison of addiction is to deeply self-approve, understand, and accept that addiction represented a solution for you. It met a need. And even though you don’t want to have a binding deal with the devil anymore, you must understand that the need itself was and always will be valid. 

A need for safety, for help managing PTSD symptoms, for experiencing an inner world that isn’t haunted by misery and demons every single waking moment, is completely human and not too much to ask of life. 

When you choose to have empathy for a human in such need and pain, that she would take substances into her body in a way that – deep down at least – she knows isn’t normal, you can begin to heal and find a better solution for the pain and necessity behind that choice. Radical empathy is the key out of addiction’s prison. 

Radical Empathy Acknowledges Psyche’s Needs

For parts of your psyche, it was, and is still, a matter of survival, of making it to the future. We often fail to acknowledge the very difficult, monumental job that psyche has to do. 

Psyche, sensitive and impressionable, has to somehow stay intact in the face of overwhelming, full-gale forces whose natural, unavoidable effect on the soul is to shatter it.

To prevent further fragmentation, further splitting into parts and pieces, the soul will grasp at all kinds of things that it wouldn’t, under safer, better circumstances.

Radical Empathy Works

Radical empathy means understanding that self-judgment doesn’t really cure anything. How often have you told yourself you should be like this, or you should be like that? Does it lead to change?

Most often, should-ing only leads to the appearance of change, to get someone or something off our backs. 

Perhaps it would be fine if shaming, blaming, and judgment actually worked, but all of these approaches have been proven time and time again to have zero impact on causing addiction to go away (in fact, the absolute opposite). 

Empathy, by contrast, is effective. It’s only in a space of true neutrality, in the light of true kindness, that we often open enough to see what’s really going on. 

When radical empathy embraces and surrounds us, we crack open and let life see the splinters in our soul. Soaked in empathy, these can, at last, be extracted from our psyche’s depths. 

Radical Empathy Leads us into a Positive Future

Radical empathy has a firmness – it doesn’t mean we consent to harm. It doesn’t mean letting us do bad things to ourselves, now that we know better. It means we understand the whole addiction cycle, the shape of the space it sits inside. 

Radical empathy has a path and a plan for us. It helps us know there is a future in which we not only survive but flourish. A future in which the holes in our soul become places where spirit plants its seeds, spirit-seeds that sprout into lush, fresh life. 

It always hurts to be in pain, but when you’re feeling the sharpness of chronic pain alongside addiction concerns, it may feel like you have nowhere to turn. The relationship between chronic pain and addiction is a tumultuous one, but it’s one you can find support for. 

That support will look different for everyone. Below, you’ll find tips to navigating chronic pain alongside your recovery and answers to the questions that may help you make sense of the complicated space you find yourself in. 

Developing an addiction in response to pain 

Living in pain makes it more likely that someone will be prescribed opiates or painkillers to manage their symptoms and make their lives feel meaningful. Over time, those medications become less effective by design. Painkillers aren’t meant to be a long-term solution, but for people who experience pain long-term, there isn’t a better alternative. 

When their medications stop giving the relief they once did, the person in pain may begin to seek other options to fill that gap in order to continue meeting the demands of their body. This is where the slippery slope begins because, at this point, neither path is going somewhere that will be sustainable for a holistically well life experience. 

Whether you are in recovery, actively still in addiction, or supporting someone who is in these spaces, it’s important to consider the impact of chronic pain on addiction in a holistic sense. 

Body

Everything hurts, or maybe just some things hurt—but it’s happening in ways that make it difficult for you to engage with your world in a way that feels safe and familiar. Pain is a powerfully invalidating variable that none of us are ever truly prepared for. We are designed to be able to handle pain in short doses, or in situations where we anticipate it may occur. When you stub your toe, it will hurt. A papercut will sting but heal. A sprained or strained muscle may give you some difficulty but it will get better with time. 

Chronic pain doesn’t get better with time, and it often leaves you feeling a whole host of emotions about how to navigate it. It’s frustrating, especially as you continue to feel incapable of carrying on with no end in sight. Having your hope stolen with every breath is defeating in an entirely new way. 

But even when your body is failing you, you can make choices other than giving up. Some days, your commitment to honoring your body may be to rest. You can find mindful meditation in bed, while you’re resting. On the days you feel capable, gently stretching your muscles or working your body in safe ways may help you to alleviate the domino effect of chronic pain like muscle atrophy and stiff joints. 

Mind 

It is a heavy mental weight to bear, navigating the pain in your body and the conflict of managing it. Many of the ways you once used to deal with the pain are no longer accessible to you in your sobriety but can be nonetheless tempting. Adding to the challenge are the complex mental gymnastics you need to endure to remind yourself of what you truly want—sustainable recovery. Be gentle with the thoughts that come up in the duality surrounding managing these needs. 

If you find yourself thinking thoughts that you thought you were long past, do not sit with them in judgment. When it feels good, you can bring these thoughts to your therapist, sponsor, or mentor to talk about the way they’re landing for you. 

These thoughts and feelings may include: 

• Doubt about your recovery 
• A desire to use that feels more powerful when your pain is high 
• Guilt that undermines the hard work you’re already doing 
• Anger at yourself or your body for putting you in this position 
• Frustration or confusion at the  turmoil of these competing needs
• Isolation from your recovery, your friends, or your life 
• A sense of failure, or negative self talk that encourages you to fail 

Thinking about things that feel counterintuitive to your healing is actually a positive part of self-actualization. Giving space to those thoughts without giving them any power will return the power they once held back to where it rightfully belongs: with you. 

Does chronic pain lead to addiction?

While chronic pain doesn’t necessarily cause addiction, there is a notable correlation between the two. That’s a hefty sentence and largely deflects the question. But there really isn’t a simple answer. Yes, chronic pain can lead to addiction. But no, chronic pain doesn’t cause addiction. 

For some people living with chronic pain whose medication has stopped working, they seek the support of other therapies to manage the pain they’re experiencing. For others, they begin seeking other medications, alternatives, and substances that reduce their pain, just so they can get through. 

These behaviors are often substance-seeking in nature and have the potential to become an addiction.

Managing chronic pain in recovery

For those who develop chronic pain after they’ve entered recovery, navigating any sort of pain management may feel like a volatile experience. How do you choose which risk is the easiest to navigate, and find support for the trauma it’s likely to bring up as you decide? Again, there’s no easy answer, but there is a plethora of support available to you through recovery and long-term support programs like therapy and group connection. 

For our clients, we offer alternative support therapy that includes opportunities to alleviate pain through routes outside of medical practice. Things like acupuncture, reiki, movement therapy, and even nutrition can complement other pain relief modalities that you may undertake with your health professionals like physical therapy or massage. 

There is no one right answer for managing recovery alongside chronic pain, but there is one universal truth: you are worthy of being supported through it. If you’ve found some validation and support in these words, we are grateful you’ve shown up to find them. If you feel ready to reach for more, we are here to help. 

These three words, “what causes addiction” elicit such a divisive response in a question that seems to evade a clear answer. The cause of addiction continues to elude research for a finite answer, but we want to examine the information we can find- and the impact of holistically considering your existence for its sum instead of its parts. 

What does “addiction vulnerability” mean?

Put simply, addiction vulnerability is the term used to describe the risk factors that you’ve experienced that often lead to substance misuse. It’s important to know and understand so that measures can be taken to support potential addiction before it becomes a greater problem.  

When you’re vulnerable to something, there’s a higher risk it could impact you and, if it does, that it will be a more difficult battle to overcome. This correlates to the lifetime risk of experiencing addiction, though it doesn’t definitively determine who may or may not struggle with substance misuse.

Identifying addiction vulnerability can help to track risk, monitor progress, and proactively safeguard against dangerous risk-taking behaviors. There’s not yet a comprehensive idea of everything that contributes to someone’s addiction vulnerability, but neuroscience is working to develop an inclusive picture to try to inhibit risk where possible. What we do know is that there are three main factors that contribute to primary addiction vulnerability.

The three-factor model of addiction 

Most research concludes that a three-factor model of addiction is the most supported inventory of risk we have right now. While these factors do not account for every person who misuses substances, and can’t be an exclusive guide to what someone may experience, it does offer a glimpse into understanding how addiction occurs. These factors consider what you experience (exposure), where you grow (environment) and what you’re made from (genetics). Let’s take a closer look at each of these.

Environment

When you live in physical or emotional spaces that create high-stress scenarios, your environment may contribute to addiction risk. This doesn’t simply refer to the geographical location of your lived experience, but also the tone of the spaces you take up and the interaction of others around you. 

The mind is neuroadaptive, meaning that when something bad continually happens to induce stress or adrenaline, your mind will begin to rewire itself to help you cope. Above all, your brain is working hard to help you survive. Sometimes the way it goes about that is by creating a desire for escape or clinging to experiences that help you to forget your trauma or dull the pain of a difficult environment. 

Genetics

You’re born with a universe of science coded into your bones. Every cell in your body carries the map of what you’re made of—your genetic code. Inherited from the people who gave you life, your genetic makeup can play a part in the cause of addiction. 

There’s a lot of contention around just how much genetics play into addiction risk, and reports claim it’s somewhere between 40-60% tied to the risk of substance misuse, with an even greater risk to those born to people who struggle with addiction. 

It’s difficult to separate the added risk of having addicted parents from other factors like the exposure it brings, but there is no doubt that the science of your cells can contribute to the cause of addiction.

Exposure

This one ties heavily into the two that came before it, strengthening the case for your environment and genetics even as it expands on them. What you see happening around your formative years helps to develop your sense of acceptable behavior. 

From the risks you take to the values you hold, you begin to develop your sense of behavior based on what you are exposed to. Was drinking commonplace in your home? Were you exposed to drug use in the media you watched or social circles at school? These things are all a part of the exposure factor of addiction.

You are not a product of your risk, you can find healing 

There is no formula to determine who will develop an addiction, or how we can help precisely. This is because we are not formulaic beings. You are not a series of numbers to be put into a machine and output an exact answer. You are a spiritual, emotional, and incredible being made up of not just these parts but so many others that cannot be measured. 

There is no moral failing or finger of blame to point at those who develop addiction in their lifetime, and you will find no fault placed for the things that have happened to you. We are not here to judge, but we are ready to help you heal and understand how you got here. You deserve support. You deserve answers. We are here to offer both.

Addiction and mental health are intertwined phenomena. In some ways you could say they grow together, like plants that tend to be found together in the wild.

Addiction and mental health problems grow together because they come from the same root conditions. Wherever there is a lack of wholeness and safety inside the self, you are likely to see either or both crop up.

Mental health and addiction are fostered in that profound suffering – the state of inner fracture – and both can be understood as attempts by the human psyche to find a way to cope with that state. The psyche tries to keep itself together, by coming up with ways to rebalance itself. Mental health problems and addiction can both be understood in that sense, as adaptations to a core imbalance.

Addiction is what happens when dependence on an externally-sourced substance develops. That externally-sourced substance is addictive because it helps modulate (temporarily) the experience of having a broken self. Addiction can develop also to behaviors which induce a state change inside us, but the purpose is the same – to help make living with a broken self more tolerable.

Whether to substances or behaviors, addiction is characterized by a gradual loss of freedom while life becomes more and more devoted to maintaining the chemically altered state of being, as well as avoiding the state of withdrawal.

What’s tragic about addiction is the extent to which a person’s life energy can be consumed into the needs of the addiction, and the way that feeding the addiction eclipses all other life activities and purposes. Relationships, career ambitions, experiences of human aliveness – all can become less important than the requirements of the addict within. The spirit of addiction consumes a person from the inside out, much like a parasite, eating its way through its host, eventually killing it unless treated.

Mental health roughly refers to the state of mind and state of psyche which we would call whole, intact, or even just functional enough to get by. When we have good-enough mental health, we are considered sane. When there is a severe imbalance, a distortion favoring a problematic, counterproductive way of coping, it can come to be considered a mental illness.

Mental illnesses can be considered as maladaptive coping mechanisms, or ways of adjusting to life that create serious problems for us.

What is helpful to understand about the two is that they interact with each other – people with addiction almost always can be said to have had an underlying mental health condition which sets them up to need extra help finding peace and safety internally. Likewise, if you didn’t have any before, addiction gives you mental health problems. During withdrawal we suffer terribly, but also long afterwards, when the ravages visited upon a human soul through addiction can take on the characteristics of mental illness – depression, anxiety, obsessions, even psychosis.

The best approach for healing mental illness and addiction is to treat both at once, while understanding that more important than the names and classifications, which particular diagnostic code you may be given, is to understand that suffering can be healed.

Whether that suffering looks most like addiction, mental health imbalance, or most likely, a combination, the cure is the same for both. The cure, in essence, is to develop a path back to wholeness that is just right for you.

Via this personalized path back to wholeness, you come to experience a kind, loving presence at the center of your experience. This kind loving presence inside can bear witness and teach you to tolerate and withstand the many shifting states of being which come to arise in you in the course of your life.

12 step programs help you anchor that presence in by calling upon a “higher power” who comes to help you with your daily life, all your activities, to help you tolerate your feelings, make decisions, know what to say and do. Mental health programs and therapists help you to activate the aspect of your own self who is like that higher power, the wise one. Both usually work best when there is an element of community as well, so that people outside of your own psyche can help you recall your value, your tools, and your belonging to the family of life.

Ultimately it does not matter what you call it or how you think of it, as long as you develop a personal relationship of trust and relying upon this centered, loving best wisdom to help you get through life with a sense of coherence, purpose, and safety.

The addict within lies to us about many things, but most of all it lies to us about what we are doing to other people. That is why when we get sober we may find ourselves surrounded by people who are not quite ready to forgive us.

Some of us are lucky enough to have a wise friend or family member who can give us the understanding and support we need. More often we will find our close loved ones blaming us for being addicts, cutting us out of their lives, or withdrawing sympathy.

If we want to recover, we will have to understand that while we should not victimize ourselves further by blaming ourselves for having an addiction, we have to accept that this is what addiction creates. It devastates bonds of love and relationship.

It is also wise to be aware that people who love us are entangled with our illness in a way that can result in some very dysfunctional behavior. When there is an addiction present in a family or other kind of love relationship, the loved ones are sick too, with a co-occurring condition called codependency.

Codependency is what happens when a family or partnership becomes fused and mixed up psychologically so that no one is sure whose feelings are whose. Controlling, scapegoating, denial, and enabling are typical dysfunctional behaviors where codependency is present.

Addicts tend to exist in families and relationships that are enmeshed psychologically. When enmeshed, people are not fully free to be healthy and whole, nor do they get to experience a balance of individuality with belonging, but rather share a mashed-up group psyche.

Such a condition of fusion tends to co-exist with the presence of unhealed traumas and their corresponding trauma-bonds. Trauma bonds are fused, unhealthy interpersonal attachments formed during overwhelming experiences.

Just like people with addiction, people with codependency can come back to wholeness, but it takes time and work for them too. The upshot of recovery for loved ones is that everyone must learn to care for themselves, which takes self-acceptance, self-forgiveness, and a willingness to experience feelings and vulnerability in the light of conscious awareness.

Each person will have to learn to take responsibility for their own feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. All must end the cycle of perceiving one’s inner experience to be caused by, therefore only be cured by, what other people do. (The victimized state has to be healed). This means trauma work, which helps develop an understanding that the fused state was an adaptation to unhealed trauma.

Family and/or couples therapy can be extremely helpful and supportive for a family who is sincere about helping the addict to recover. That means the family is ready to look at the ways they have benefited, not only suffered, from having one member be addicted. This means honestly investigating if they have in any way supported or cooperated to keep their family member sick. Education about what does and does not heal a person from addiction is helpful too.

Funnily enough, the addict who gets into recovery often finds herself in an unexpected position. As the person who has committed to healing, she is now a family leader, someone who will gently pull the family forward to evolve out of the state of pain they have been in this whole time.

Through developing more self-awareness (a requirement for sobriety), she becomes someone who can help the family recover from its deep state of trauma-caused enmeshment, and the corresponding avoidance of feelings and truth.

However, it’s also important to grasp the paradox that even though this is her role now, the addicted person can’t actually do recovery for anyone but herself. Rather, to understand that by devoting herself to healing, she is palpably helping the whole family to do the same someday.

In other words, once you free yourself to a good-enough degree, you may be able to assist others. Not by pulling them out, but rather by coaching them through the process of self-disentanglement.

Once disentangled, the individual members of a family can now love each other in a new and healthy way, which will support sobriety and happiness all around.

Most of all, I want you to hear that families and loved ones that want to can heal, with work, patience, and surrender. It is not rocket science, but it does take time and courage, and the reward is limitless. I send you and your loved ones every encouragement to find out for yourselves, how different life can be with loving relationships at its core.

If you’re thinking about getting sober, yes, do it! You’re worth it and life is a million times better sober, it just is. Addiction is a false friend and you’ll be happily surprised how much better your life is when you end this relationship.

There is a huge community of very loving, funny, interesting, kind people who live beautiful lives in recovery without needing to use any kind of substance. You will be warmly welcome among these people, if you can get yourself here.

These people, the recovering, will understand you and accept you in ways that you have not felt in the isolation of addiction nor among those who are not addicts.

If you’re ready, here’s an overview of the basic path to sobriety.

1. Sober Up Safely

Getting sober is relatively straightforward, as you probably already know: stop ingesting the substance that is chemically altering your body, and you will eventually return to a state of sobriety.

You probably already know what it’s like to detox, as most of us experimented with quitting a few times before we were finally demoralized enough to get help.

The process is essentially this: remove the substance completely, set yourself up somewhere where you will not have access, and allow your body to go through the complete process of adjusting to the lack of this substance.

Please note that many should consider a medical detox because depending on what you are withdrawing from, the withdrawal process itself can kill you. Medical detox is a place where you check in to go through the withdrawal process. You may be given medications to ease or counteract the immediate pain and danger of the withdrawal process.

Whatever approach you take, it’s important to understand that you will be sick during this time. You can’t expect yourself to function normally, and you will be at high risk of relapse if you ask anything of yourself. Protect your detox by making sure you are not interacting with friends or trying to live some kind of a normal life during this time.

2. Enter Treatment and/or Join 12 Step

Once you have the substance out of you, you are in a very vulnerable stage in which the risk of returning to your substance is very high.

For that reason, it is very supportive if it is available to you to enter a good residential treatment program, in which you are removed from your normal environment completely for a short term respite during which you have a chance to undergo a lot of work on your inner being in a neutral, safe environment.

Residential treatment will typically involve aspects of education about recovery & help you plan for what you will need to do upon returning to your past life. You will be expected to participate in individual therapy and groups, whether you’re feeling great that day or not, but you will not be judged and your experiences will be understood through the lens of addiction recovery.

You will be allowed and encouraged to let it all hang out, though there will be rules you are required to follow and you will need to surrender to the structure there. You will not have a lot of choice, especially about the schedule–there will be a lot of planned hours for your own good, and it is best to just go with it.

Typically the first days in treatment are the roughest, and by the time you’re ready to leave, you feel excited about the changes you are now making in your life to live a sober, happy life.

If you are not able to go into residential treatment, don’t worry, you can still recover, through 12 Step (which is completely free) and/or intensive outpatient treatment (IOP), where you stay in your home environment and attend treatment intensively.

If residential treatment is like boarding school, outpatient is like regular day school. This has advantages and disadvantages, but it will work as long you are able to put serious, sincere effort and intentions into recovering. A sincere wish to recover is good enough, you don’t have to know how.

Whether you join 12 Step or treatment, or best of all, both (it has been proven most effective to follow treatment up with joining a 12 step community, so you can have the support of some wise, recovering friends long term), know that by undergoing this stage of deep, hard work changing habits now, you are saving your own life and setting yourself on a path that will lead you to joy, purpose, and meaning. You are worth it, my friend!

Are you chemically dependent on a substance or behavior?

If you are chemically dependent on drugs or alcohol, it means that when the substance or behavior isn’t available to you, you go into a state of pretty strong discomfort. You might have physical symptoms (tremors, headaches, cravings, etc) as well as unpleasant emotional states (grumpiness, depression, aggravation, panic).

Two other hallmarks of addiction are obsession and compulsion. If you are obsessed, your thinking centers mostly around your drug: getting it, recovering from it, craving for more, the how and the when of it.

If you are compulsive, that means your behavior happens almost on its own, without your full consent or control. Even when you have good reasons not to, you find it hard to override your urges to use.

If you think you may have an addiction, and you would like to break it, congratulations, you’re in good company. There are many, many benefits to living free from the enslavement to substance or behavior, and there are many wonderful, interesting, and smart people who have done the same. These people will be your friends and community once you do the work to get yourself there.

Here is how to break an addiction once and for all.

1. Give up mood-altering substances, forever.

Addiction creates a change in the body, brain chemistry, and the spirit, and it is very, very unlikely that you will be able to recover the ability to use your substance casually.

Most people with an addicted profile also find that they cannot engage in another substance as a substitute. For example, if cocaine is your main drug, you can’t switch to only beer or marijuana, and make it very long. This is because the core mechanism of dampening your experience chemically rather than through healing it from within will sooner or later lead you down the same path.

This is more true the longer you have been doing it, and the more severely you have become chemically dependent, but either way it is almost always best to accept that there is no going back to casual use.

This might be hard to fathom just now, but rest assured there are millions of people around the world who are completely clean and sober, all the time, every day, living normal lives, attending weddings, parties and concerts, having sex, experiencing the full rainbow spectrum of human experience, all completely sober.

2. Change yourself from the inside

Understand that you must replace the drug with something else –a natural, organic way of transmuting your suffering into a life you can tolerate. That means you need to heal your thoughts, your emotions, your spirit, and your body, so that you are an intact, fit human being who is up for the task of life.

This can be done, but it takes work and it takes time. The good news is, it is accomplished in a very small, piece by piece way, breath by breath, day by day. You don’t need to know how you will get through tomorrow, but only get through right now without reverting to using your substance.

Typically, a full on, head to toe, thorough personality renovation is required to be able to stay sober longer term. That’s because the reason we turned to addiction in the first place is because of what we’re like on the inside – what our thoughts are like, what feelings those thoughts create in us, how we experience our lives.

We would not become addicts in the first place if we were having a good old time being us. No, usually it’s no fun to be us, sober. That can be changed, but it is a slow process, like restoring topsoil. It is not done overnight.

There are 2 main paths to this self-restoration: treatment and 12 Step. 12 Step has the advantage of being free of cost and mostly likely available in your local area without you having to go too far.

All in all the best approach would be treatment in combination with a 12 step program like AA or NA, for ensuring the long term follow through and daily habit changes which are typically required to turn into someone who doesn’t find life unbearable without substances.

All in all, it’s good to know this: People all over the world recover from addiction and live sober every single day. They live lives of joy, deep meaning, fulfillment and purpose. They have lives far beyond what they ever imagined for themselves. You can have this too!