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Reiki Healing Benefits

Reiki Healing Benefits

Villa Kali Ma offers a Japanese healing practice called reiki in our outpatient and inpatient settings. We integrate reiki as a supplemental holistic modality in recognition of its benefits in promoting energetic balance. Reiki supports and enhances treatment and recovery work.

What is Reiki?

Reiki, also called Reiki Healing Touch, is a healing technique that restores and promotes a state of health in the body, mind, and spirit, by stimulating the correct flow of ki, or vital force, throughout the body.

Reiki came to the West by way of Japan, where it was originally formulated into a simple, effective healing modality about a century ago.

The word reiki joins two Japanese words together, rei and ki. Rei is the indwelling God-essence found in all living beings, and Ki is the vital force. Ki is the Japanese version of the same concept in the Chinese language, qi.

Reiki restores health through the placing of hands on or near the body to affect the human electromagnetic field. The goal is to restore balance and flow of the body’s natural life force energy so that it is freed up to self-correct any trouble areas.

How does reiki work?

Reiki works with the idea that health is contained inside the body rather than being something that must be brought into the body from the outside. In the absence of blockages and obstructions to health, health thrives, so the goal of reiki is to clear obstructions so that natural movement of the human energy field can take place.

According to the medical paradigm that gives rise to Reiki, there is a vital life force, called Ki in Japanese. This force underlies, perfuses, and supports all life. When Ki is flowing as it should, it is like a pristine river in the wild. It has a way of flowing that works best to support all the life within it.

When this river of life force is polluted, blocked, or constricted in some way or another, the life force is likely to stagnate and create areas of by-water. These places are disconnected from the overall flow. In extreme cases, the river may lose its ability to support life at all.

According to Reiki and most other medical traditions arising from ancient healing practices, our physical, emotional, and mental health all depend on our vital life force being allowed to flow freely as the life within us directs us to, without undue constrictions imposed upon it.

We are resilient and can survive a lot of restrictions to our flow, such as those created through trauma, poor diet, and other ways of creating blockages, but in genera, it is not preferred by the body itself and has a cost in terms of our health.

Reiki’s healing effects may be due to its operation on the parasympathetic nervous system,  the “rest and digest” side of the nervous system which down-regulates us, bringing relief from tension and anxiety, lowering blood pressure, deepening breathing, and slowing heart rate. This is the vagal state that most supports physical wound healing, digestion, release of shock from the nervous system, and recovery from psychological traumatization.

Are there any side effects of reiki?

Reiki is considered a gentle and safe way to encourage balance and health in the body. Reiki has no side effects.

Reiki is non-invasive, and gentle, and is used in hospitals, palliative care, and surgery rooms for its calming effects, without adverse effects.

What should you expect in a Reiki session?

Reiki sessions last around 45 to 90 minutes. There is no predetermined best number of Reiki sessions. Starting with a minimum of three sessions is usually advised, to get used to the effect Reiki has on you, and to notice its subtle beneficial impacts on your state of body and mind. Enduring health conditions would require more sessions, over time, as the body is tuned back to health incrementally, with subtle, non-invasive adjustments that won’t upset the body’s homeostasis.

During your Reiki session, you will lie down, though shorter seated sessions are also sometimes given. You remain fully clothed. The practitioner places their hands on or just above your physical body, depending on what you are comfortable with. The practitioner will move through 12 different established energy centers around your head and along your 7 chakras, which are the main energy centers along your spine.

Reiki can also be learned and self-administered relatively easily.

How does a Reiki session feel?

People usually report feelings of peace, deep relaxation, physical warmth, and calm during and after receiving Reiki. Some people experience tingling, coolness, or even no sensation during the treatment. Reiki is working with a subtle layer of the body’s energies and will not likely be an intense or dramatic sensation, though occasionally stronger energy movements and shifts inside the body may be sensed during or after sessions.

What are the Reiki healing benefits?

Positive effects of using Reiki to heal include:

  • Pain reduction and improved pain management
  • Relaxation
  • Stress reduction, amelioration of stress-related illnesses
  • Parasympathetic nervous system activation, balancing of hyperarousal and hyperarousal systems
  • Slowing of heart rate, reduction of blood pressure
  • Improvements in anxiety and depression
  • Better quality of life with chronic health conditions
  • Enhanced feelings of self-esteem and overall well-being
  • Symptom management with serious conditions like cancer
  • Better sense of interpersonal connection and social belonging

What does the research say about reiki?

Some clinical studies have been conducted to verify the benefits of Reiki, comparing them to a placebo Reiki or “sham Reiki”. These studies aimed to find out to what extent subjective patient reports of being helped by Reiki can be substantiated with objective measures as well.

Studies until now suggest that Reiki may be helpful with pain relief, relaxation, and anxiety. A 2017 study comparing Reiki to placebo found promise in the use of Reiki for these domains.

A 2011 study of Reiki to support healthcare professionals avoid burnout suggested that Reiki demonstrated beneficial effects due to its action on the parasympathetic nervous system.

A similar conclusion was reached by the findings of a 2015 study into using Reiki to support clinicians working in mental health.

How much does Reiki cost?

In private practice, the cost of Reiki will vary by practitioner and may cost around $60-$90. Low-cost and even free Reiki sessions are sometimes available in certain contexts, where volunteer practitioners are offering their services. Reiki practitioners should have some training (there are three levels to become a master) and qualifications.

At Villa Kali Ma, Reiki sessions will be part of your treatment if you would like them to be.

Does insurance cover reiki?

As an alternative health modality, Reiki is not usually covered by health insurance. However, in some cases where physical therapy, massage, or palliative care are covered by an insurance plan, Reiki may be an option as well, so the best way to know is to check with your insurance.

Who should avoid Reiki?

There are no known reasons to avoid Reiki, as it is safe and non-invasive. Its main effects will be to stimulate your body’s self-healing systems by way of accessing the parasympathetic portion of the nervous system (the part responsible for rest, digestion, wound healing, and recovery from illness).

Please consult your trusted source of medical advice personally if you would like to know if there is any reason you personally should not get Reiki.

Villa Kali Ma offers Reiki for women

Reiki is offered at Villa Kali Ma in our inpatient and outpatient settings because of its supportive effects on recovery from addiction, mental health problems, and trauma.

We find Reiki to be a valuable support through its mechanism of restoring peace and calm and triggering the self-healing side of the nervous system.

Villa Kali Ma’s holistic treatment program is available in our residential setting and our outpatient, community-based programs too. Depending on the level of care you need, you can receive Reiki as a part of your treatment journey with us.

The way we offer Reiki is as a supportive, adjunct therapy tailored specifically towards recovery-based goals of greater freedom, happiness, and peace.

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Mental Health Awareness Month Ideas

Mental Health Awareness Month Ideas

What is Mental Health Awareness Month?

Mental Health Awareness Month is an annual campaign to promote the importance of mental health topics in the public eye. It also raises awareness about mental health needs and trends, and shares resources for addressing mental health challenges.

When is Mental Health Awareness Month?

Mental Health Awareness Month always takes place in May. This year, May 2024 has the theme “mental health in a changing world”. With a focus on the destigmatization of mental illness, mental health advocacy, and education, the goal of this annual honoring of the mental health field is to help more suffering people know that they’re not alone.

What is the importance of self-care when it comes to your mental health?

Mental health requires self-care. How do you take care of the health of your thoughts, your emotions, your moods, and your states of being?

Take a look around you. How does humanity seem to be doing? Are we healthy? Are we sane? Are we happy?

If you’re like us here at Villa Kali Ma, you can see that something is rotten in the state of Denmark, as the quote from Shakespeare’s Hamlet goes. All is not well. In fact, a lot is wrong. People are more despairing, more suicidal, more addicted, more materialistic, and more lost in distractions than ever.

On the other side, there is a growing movement of people who are choosing to generate bubbles of positivity, autonomy, and creative responses to the conditions we’re in. Many are more awake, aware, responsive, and on point than ever before.

Facing the world’s polarities and pressures can unbalance us internally, but it also means we have a choice. We are allowed to orient and align ourselves towards what we personally feel to be resonant with peace, sanity, and goodness, even if it goes against the grain.

We can choose to be a lighthouse, giving off peaceful, calm signals of warmth and light in the planetary storm. By keeping the flame of mental health lit in our own personal lighthouses, we help everyone who may feel lost at sea. We lend comfort and kindness and contribute a little bit of brightness that collectively, adds up to a lot – enough to see by, enough to find one’s way home by.

But to do this, we have to practice our own mental health awareness, noticing when we have no flame in our tower, but instead have become part of the madness.

What are the signs when our own mental health is off? Do you recognize any of the following?

What can we do when our mental health is showing signs of wear and tear when our flame is blown out? We can use self-care to light the lamp again.

5 5-Minute Mental Health Hacks to Reignite Your Self Care

1. Reorient to the Now

Stop what you’re doing and go outside. Look at something green and growing if you can find anything. Whatever outside space you’re able to access, stay there for 5 minutes and allow yourself to orient slowly by looking around you, observing everything you can see with your eyes.

Now listen for everything you can hear in this now moment. Now physically contact what you can touch and feel with your hands or sense on the skin (temperature, breeze, moisture or dryness, any textures you want to touch). Finally, notice any scents or other environmental now-moment signals. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly before you go back inside.


2. Move your body

Do 5 quick minutes of movement right now. For a gentle version, stand up and, starting with your head and neck, gently stretch every section of your body, down to your tippy toes. Pay attention to any portions of your body that are asking to be stretched and let them stretch in ways that feel good. For a more energizing version, instead do 5 minutes of vigorous activity (squats, jumping jacks, whatever gets your heart pumping). Don’t forget to enjoy the afterglow feeling!


3. Listen to Classical Music

Listen to a piece of classical music all the way through, not doing anything else and closing your eyes as you listen. Classical music soothes and enlivens the nervous system, restoring balance, calm and liveliness.

Here’s a beautiful piece that’s under five minutes. Of course, you can also choose your own! How about a Mental Health Month playlist?


4. Go Positive

Do a quick journal writing for 5 minutes, free-writing or listing in response to any or all of the following questions:

What am I grateful for?

What and whom in my life am I fond and affectionate of?

What and whom do I love?

What do I feel bright and positive about?

What do I self-approve of, about myself and my life?


5. Play Creatively

Play is regulating to the nervous system, and gets you back into your joy-body (opposite of Eckhart Tolle’s “pain-body”.

For five full minutes, scribble or draw something with your non-dominant hand, whichever one you don’t normally lead with. The drawing should be really “bad”. If you want some prompts, here are a couple of things: (draw anything that sparks your fancy, or something else!):

Draw a dog wearing pajamas talking to a rabbit wearing a superhero outfit

Draw a pegasus making friends with a unicorn while perched on two stars in the same constellation

Draw a bowl of spaghetti that fell into some long grass

Draw what your Dad would look like if he was part cat

Villa Kali Ma helps women experience Mental Health

Villa Kali Ma is dedicated to helping women recover lives of meaning, joy, and purpose. We help women feel what it’s like to be happy, strong, and mentally healthy, every month of the year!

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Mental Health and Relationships

Mental Health and Relationships

One way of understanding mental illness which is growing in popularity is to understand mental health symptoms as signs of a deeper issue – trauma.

When events of our lives impact us so deeply that the tissues of our soul are bruised, torn, or shattered apart, and we don’t have the opportunity to heal that trauma response, we are left with a wound in ourselves, a sinkhole in the foundation of our being.

Rather than finding a way to let the wound close over, we develop a whole personality based on avoiding it. This personality is not exactly healthy. It is made up of compensatory behaviors, thoughts, emotions, and even sub-personalities, all designed to avoid direct contact with the wound.

The traumatic wound is like the proverbial hole in our soul, a place where consciousness that was once connected to all of life now is trapped, walled off, and isolated. We keep it locked away. Locked away from the light of our own awareness, and hidden out of sight from others, it continues to be disconnected, frozen, and stuck.

The compensatory personality structures, thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and social roles we build up to stabilize and to work around the deep pain of the hole create knock-on effects, and problems of their own.

One of the problems mental illness creates is that it makes relating to another human being in a loving way more difficult. Our coping gets in the way of our ability to love and be loved.

How can mental health affect relationships?

Mental health problems affect relationships when one or both partners become overly absorbed in dealing with mental and emotional pain that is bubbling up to the surface of life.

Most often, the mentally ill person starts behaving in a disordered way, with dysfunctional adaptations, accommodations, and workarounds that take up more and more time and energy.

These are our mental health symptoms, things like distorted thoughts, negative emotions, unstable moods, or destructive behavior. This uptick in dysfunctional ways of being directly affects our partners. Our symptoms set off reactions and adaptations in them and may trigger them deeply. The pain that lies in them is also stirred to life.

When we’re mentally unwell, we deserve so much kindness and compassion. We’re not being this way on purpose. These patterns of action are desperate ways to cope or avoid contact with a vivid field of pain inside that we fear we can’t face without getting sucked into it. The core wound – we each have one – is deep and dark until we heal it.

Whether our soul illness has the flavor of depression, psychosis, mania, obsession, anxiety, or addiction, is sort of immaterial. Whatever way we suffer may be personal to us, a factor of genetics and culture, maybe even caused by diet or toxic exposure or spiritual influences, who knows.

No matter what kind of disorders of thought and heart we develop, though, the underlying cause is basically the same – some part of us is deeply not ok. The deeply not ok part is seeping to the surface of our lives, and we are doing our best to contain it. We suppress, we deny, and we scold ourselves. But the deeply-not-ok part won’t give up until it gets the love it needs – our love.

Mental illness symptoms get worse if we do not address the unloved pain underneath them. This fact is actually good because most of us won’t get help unless we have a crisis. That crisis is a doorway out of prison – the prison of being trapped in failing mechanisms of avoidance – and into a new life of reunion with the healing, loving forces that wait patiently within our own beings for us to call on them.

Should a woman tell her partner she’s struggling with mental illness?

Whether or not to share the fact that you are having mental illness symptoms is a deeply personal choice, and no one should feel pressure to do that or not do that. It is something you get to decide.

However, we here at Villa Kali Ma do feel strongly that awareness and openness are necessary for the cure. Managing to acknowledge and say out loud what’s really going on inside you is the beginning of getting the help you need.

Love can come to our unloved pain, and it will, but the wound must be allowed to exist first. And the truth is, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Every human being on this planet has a part like that. If you’re having mental illness symptoms, this just means your soul is ready to heal that deep hurt part.

In AA they say that secrets keep us sick. That’s true in mental health too – our loved ones can’t help us if we don’t let them even know that something is making us ill all over our minds bodies and souls.

So whether you decide to share it with your loved one or not, consider at least sharing it with a healer or therapist. Truth, especially difficult, impossible, unspeakable truth, sets us free.

Can mental illness affect intimacy with a partner?

Intimacy is almost always affected by mental illness. Sex isn’t separate from the rest of our ways of relating, nor is it detached from our hearts, bodies, and minds. Our adaptations and ways of avoiding pain will show up in our sex lives too.

If we cope with pain by going after pleasure, we might be drawn into sex addiction or seek heightened sensation through paths that deviate from our heart’s real values and needs. If we cope with pain by shutting down, we may zone out during sex or suppress sexual feelings altogether.

Sex is very vulnerable, and can be evocative and stirring to the parts of us that are ill, and may upset the balance of our system of coping. Some couples can connect sexually but not in other ways. Some couples relate well but struggle with sex.

To add to the confusion, there are so many toxic ideas about masculinity, femininity, and sex itself circulating in toxicities of the media that we are almost all of us subject to some kind of insecurity related to our bodies, our sexuality, our desires, or lack thereof.

If you are experiencing challenges with intimacy, please know you are not alone, as alone as you may feel with that, it’s exceedingly common. For people with mental health struggles (also widespread), it’s par for the course.

What other ways can mental health affect relationships?

Mental illness in relationships affects partners’ abilities to be close to one another because the amount of energy and effort that goes towards managing symptoms can be exhausting. It is draining to power up our elaborate systems of psychological avoidance, for ourselves and for the people who are trying to love us.

It is also hard for partners to understand our symptoms as being about us and not about them. For example, a depressed person may be uninterested in their partner. An obsessive person can’t stop fixating on and controlling tiny unimportant details. An addicted person has no empathy and uses people selfishly.

The partner of the ill person can take symptoms like these as reflections of their own lovability, rather than evidence of sickness. Even if the partner can see it is the unwellness of the other more than their own failure to be lovable enough, these symptoms that block the give and exchange of love can feel disheartening, even impossible to live with.

Even though the last thing in the world that we can bear to believe is that our symptoms are troublesome for others, this is often true when we are ill. The reality of that is hard to bear, but there’s a truth to it.

Often it’s only once we realize how our ways of coping impact our loved ones that we realize we owe it to them, if not ourselves, to finally take on doing the deeper, scariest work of getting to the bottom of our soul wound.

This means getting some kind of professional therapy or alternative healing to stop the symptoms from running our lives. It also means, probably, some kind of trauma work, to address the original pain once and for all. Luckily, there are many wonderful healing modalities to choose from!

How do I know when it’s time for individual or couples therapy?

All relationships have times of grace and times of struggle. That’s a normal part of life. However, therapy is enormously supportive for individuals and couples no matter what your situation.

Relationship skills can be learned and practiced. We can all get better at loving, or behaving in ways that the love in our hearts really arrives in the hearts minds, and bodies of the people we love.

It is also supremely supportive to have a witness to your relationship dynamics, a neutral party who can help both members of the couple recognize the good as well as the problem zones.

Villa Kali Ma can assist women with mental health concerns

We all deserve love and adoration, affection and care. We also all, in our own ways, can be challenging to deal with.

Villa Kali Ma is fully dedicated to helping women heal from trauma, mental illness, and addiction. We have many programs and offerings, and if you’re on the hunt for some help, we’d love to meet you!

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Addiction and Relationships

Addiction and Relationships

Addiction has a big impact on relationships. Family, friends, and co-workers are all affected when the woman they once knew becomes consumed with addiction.

Intimate relationships, such as marriages and partnerships, are deeply, heartbreakingly altered when addiction takes hold in one or both parties. Everything degrades, and the possibility of emotional intimacy is destroyed.

The miracles of recovery and the restoration of a woman’s freedom back into her own best Self’s arms may have the most meaning of all for their husbands and partners.

Why does addiction affect relationships and marriages?

Healthy relationships require many things to work, but one of the keys is that both people have to be willing and able to relate not only as mentally-identified egos or even animal bodies but also heart-to-heart.

We must have a functioning emotional core, a basic capacity for bonding. Through heart connection, we are able to give and receive love.

Love is the most important ingredient of human life. Everyone who behaves destructively is showing us what it’s like to not have enough love circulating in them. Everyone who behaves harmoniously is showing us what it’s like when there is enough love. Love is everything.

Even though relationships are hard for all of us, we are usually willing and able to lower the drawbridges of our defenses enough to form heart-based romantic connections, because of the power of love and our native need for it. When we marry someone, it is often because this is someone with whom we feel we can mutually open the doors of our hearts.

We can have a lot of flaws and still be lovable and still love. Mistakes can be made and forgiven. As long as there is still a softhearted human intelligence in the eyes of the person we love, we have a shot at a human relationship.

Addiction destroys the possibility of love. It closes the heart. It replaces the human being who once abided in that body with a hungry ghost, a fiendish entity that has only one goal, to be fed and to grow and to destroy.

Addiction hollows us out and fills us with something else. Something not-us. And this entity, we can call it the Addict, is not capable of love.

All the love we give to this entity means nothing to it. And it has no love to give back, either.

The Addict is supremely untrustworthy. It lies. It manipulates. It uses. It is sneaky and conniving. It is pathetic. We feel sorry for it, but our empathy, like our love, has no impact at all. The Addict is dead to the heart.

What are the costs of addiction for women?

When a woman has an addiction, she is on the road to ruin her love relationships. If she does not find her way back to her human heart, firmly casting out the Addict and all of its false promises, she will lose the privilege of connecting with others through her birthright human capacity to give and receive love.

Because addiction is progressive, it gets worse and worse (until recovery). Like all illnesses, it’s not always present, and there will be phases where it seems like it has gone away. Most likely it has not, but is hiding in wait.

The costs to a relationship as long as addiction is present are high. There can be financial costs – money gone to alcohol or drugs, healthcare costs, addiction treatment, property damages (crashed cars, etc), bad financial decisions, court and legal fees, and lost jobs.

Addiction costs time and energy, too. Wasted effort, as unity and cooperation are unraveled by astonishing selfishness. Conflict grows omnipresent, as couples are divided and conquered by “the Problem”.

The biggest cost is the loss of trust. Loss of trust closes hearts, and walls us off from the possibility of love.

What to do when drinking or drug use is harming the relationship or marriage?

We may suspect that alcohol or drugs are harming our relationship for a while before we know for sure. It can be helpful to know certain markers that are generally considered to be indicative of the presence of addiction.

Signs that drinking or drugs are hurting your marriage:

-One partner is codependent, covering for the other. One partner is lying to friends and family, making up excuses, or in some other way actively participating in cleaning up after the addicted person’s wreckage.

-The topic of drinking or drugs, or the consequences of behavior that took place while under the influence (infidelity, staying out late, missed appointments, broken promises), is a source of conflict in the marriage.

-The couple or family has become isolated out of shame and secrecy, to protect addiction-related secrets, lies, infidelities, employment problems, physical and emotional abuse, or other issues that arise from the addiction.

-One or both partners can only talk or be intimate when drugs or alcohol are involved.

-Early-stage signs of domestic violence, such as touching another person angrily or throwing things.

If you recognize that there may be an addiction wrecking your marriage, it is highly advised to get help right away. It is a good idea to get professional counseling or enter treatment, and/or to attend AA (if you are the person who is dependent on substances) or Al-Anon (if it is your loved one).

12-step groups are free (small donations are collected in a pass-the-hat style to cover room rental fees and so on, but 12-step is always self-organized and there are no employees). There are many in-person meetings all over the world, often several in a day if you live in a city. If you live in a rural area with few meetings, online meetings are effective too.

Please note that even though the language of these programs is geared towards healing alcoholism, the cure offered by AA works equally well for any addictive substance, including prescriptions. The underlying problem of an Addict taking over where you used to reside is the same, no matter the substance.

That said, there are also specific programs for narcotics addiction and for prescription drug addiction:

Narcotics Anonymous

Pills Anonymous

Can addiction treatment help a woman’s relationship?

Yes, absolutely. In fact, it is very hard to heal a relationship until the addiction itself is addressed. If the substance-using partner is willing to get help, it is a window of opportunity, an opening into a positive future.

Commonly, one person in the relationship wants to get help but the addicted person does not. That’s ok. It is still very beneficial to get help for the codependent partner, upon whose cooperation the addicted person relies for protection from consequences.

The codependent person can be supported and taught how not to cooperate with the Addict, but still love the human. This will help make it uncomfortable for the addicted partner to stay addicted, and more likely to be willing to get help. This is the best thing the non-addicted partner can do to help herself and her partner.

Villa Kali Ma helps women and their partners heal from addiction

Villa Kali Ma specializes in healing women from addiction. Part of our treatment includes addressing relationships, and the ways that addiction has hurt or eroded the trust of our loved ones.

We love seeing women in recovery bravely repairing with their partners and families, doing the work of restoring what was broken down by addiction. If you’re looking for support for your addiction or your spouse’s addiction, we can help you.

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Alcohol Addiction

Dangers of Non-Alcoholic Beer

Spring is here!

What do you associate with spring? We here at Villa Kali Ma think of many sweet and lovely things: cool green grass under our bare toes, the morning sun, and fresh winds in the blooming trees.

Spring signals the return to the vivacity of sleeping creatures. It’s a humming, alive time of year. The season of birds, bees, and…uh oh, BBQs!

That’s right, spring marks the beginning of the season of outdoor gatherings. Of course, they’re fun and wonderful too, but outdoor gatherings can be surprisingly hard to navigate.

Family, friends, groups, the renewing energies of fun in the sun after months of indoor time – these are potentially tricky for people in a personal change process.

For any on a path of recovery from trauma, mental illness, and/or addiction, this 2024 brink-of-spring moment is a perfect time to pause and reflect on set intentions, and strategize:

How can we best keep to our true heart’s intentions of sobriety, self-love, and sanity, in the face of many triggers and distractions? What temptations to self-destroy should we realistically prepare for, during this seemingly bright season? How can we keep a joyful, heartful life front and center?

Want a non-brewski?

This spring, you might get offered a non-alcoholic beer at a gathering.

Non-alcoholic beer is a type of beer with little to no alcohol content. It is intended to mimic the smell and taste of beer, without the same levels of alcohol.

Many household name beer brands offer a non-alcoholic version of their product, intended to serve the market of people who are trying to reduce their alcohol intake without having to give up the pleasures and social purposes of drinking beer.

Non-alcoholic beer is sometimes thought of as a safe alternative to alcoholic beer, though this isn’t true for women who have a history of alcohol addiction, nor for women who are pregnant. Before assuming that non-alcoholic beer is a safe choice for you, it’s probably best to inform yourself as to the full picture!

What is non-alcoholic beer?

Non-alcoholic beer is created in the same way as ordinary beer, through a fermentation process called brewing, which converts sugars into ethanol and carbon dioxide. In non-alcoholic beer, an additional step is added to the process, wherein the alcohol is removed or reduced at the end.

The process of making a beverage created through fermentation has less alcohol is achieved by filtering the alcoholic liquid out, and then adding sugars, flavorings, and carbonated liquid back in.

From a sheerly nutritional standpoint, non-alcoholic beer is not a healthy beverage, due to the re-addition of sugars and “flavors”, many of which are artificial, added through chemical processes or compounds.

The carbohydrate content of non-alcoholic beer is higher in comparison to alcoholic beer. Carbohydrates are considered by nutritionists to be problematic in excess (hence the widespread dietary recommendation to consume less carbohydrates). Because of the extra sugars and flavors, non-alcoholic beer tends to have more calories than true beer.

What are the possible dangers of non-alcoholic beer?

There are two big dangers of non-alcoholic beer for women, especially those of us who are walking a path of recovery from traumatization, addiction, or mental health struggles.

1. Oops, May Contain Alcohol

The term “non-alcoholic” is misleading. By law, a product can still be called non-alcoholic even if it has up to .5% alcohol by volume. If it is marketed as being fully “alcohol-free”, a product is required by the FDA to be at 0.0%, with zero detectable levels of alcohol in the product.

FDA regulations notwithstanding, critics of non-alcoholic and alcohol-free beer have noted that around 25% of products tested independently come up as having higher alcohol content than reported on their label. There is a realistic chance of the presence of some small percentage of alcohol in non-alcoholic and even alcohol-free beer.

What’s the big deal? Well, for those with an addiction history, any, even a very tiny amount of alcohol can awaken an insatiable, relentless craving for more, which inevitably leads to one place only.

2. May Be A Road to Relapse

Any amount of alcohol can reorient the body to crave alcohol again. It is a property of addiction that a woman’s body and brain are irreversibly changed so that even after many years of sobriety, a tiny trace amount of alcohol will trigger the body to want more alcohol.

What typically happens then, is that a person finds herself drinking non-alcoholic beverages in excess, because the thirst for alcohol and all that goes along with inebriation has been stirred. It is then only a matter of time until it will occur to the drinker that non-alcoholic beverages aren’t doing the trick, and a normal beer will start to seem like a good idea.

We think that our wise mind will stop us in time, and occasionally it does, but we can’t rely upon it. Because of the ways that alcohol addiction distorts thoughts, induces intense bodily craving, and erases personal willpower, we will very likely change back to our Addict selves, once the alcohol has been reintroduced.

The other thing to consider is that alcohol and drug relapses can be triggered just by associations, memories, and behavior even without the presence of actual alcohol. Just hanging out “having a beer” (even a fake one), can be enough to open the door to our personal demons again.

Relapse begins long before the actual choice to put chemicals in our bodies again, (as thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors reminiscent of our using or drinking days), so it’s always a good idea to keep one eye on what we’re doing and why.

What are the dangers of non-alcoholic beer during pregnancy?

Because non-alcoholic beer contains some level of alcohol, it represents a risk for fetal alcohol syndrome, and it is not advised for pregnant women for that reason.

There is no established safe level of alcohol consumption for women during pregnancy, and the birth defects associated with alcohol consumption during pregnancy include low birth weight, physical and facial abnormalities, and neurological impacts on the child.

What are alternatives to non-alcoholic beer?

Each woman needs to decide for herself, and no one can do your consciousness-transformation work for you. However, we can always listen to the wisdom and experiences of others and take heed.

At Villa Kali Ma, we recommend staying away from non-alcoholic and even supposedly alcohol-free beer, for the simple reason that it’s not worth the risk.

We have to behave in ways that match our truest and most important intentions and priorities. If being healthy, sane, and sober is a priority for us, then we will naturally shy away from something made to be similar to alcohol by smell and taste.

When hanging out with other people who aren’t on a path of recovery, we need to keep our wits about us, not go foggy and numb, as much as we might want to.

So rather than resorting to saying yes to a non-alcoholic beer this BBQ season, we can take care of ourselves with these three tactics:

1. Set your hang-out plan in advance

Make a less-is-more plan for hanging out, with intention. Decide ahead of time, when in a calm frame of mind: What is a sobriety-safe amount of time to participate in this social gathering? Then stick to your plan no matter what, even if you end up having a better time than you feared.

If your plan goes well this time, and you can have a socially connecting time while staying reasonably centered and mindful, without getting overly triggered during or in the days following the gathering, you can always try hanging out for a longer time the next gathering.


2. Hydrate with Healthy Beverages

A practical hack is to decide to be in charge of bringing a special healthy, hydrating beverage with you to the gathering. Bring plenty for yourself, and others too.

Many delicious, healing tonics can be mixed up with mineral water, fresh limes and lemons, herbs, ginger, and sugar-free juices. Get creative!

For inspiration, you may like some of the ideas here 19 Non-Alcoholic Drink Recipes. For the yogis among us, following the trail of Ayurveda can be rewarding: Ayurveda Drink Recipes.

Sometimes just the fun activity of creating a special offering for the group can be a positive way to focus your energies and stay purposeful and aware. You could also choose to bring a fun party favor to be handed out to people or make a healthy snack.


3. Bring Sober Fun

The “now what do I do?” anxious social gathering moment sometimes precedes an ill-fated choice, made in a sudden blurt just to fill up the awkward space!

Feeling like we don’t belong, making small talk, worrying about what people think of us, and other social discomforts are real triggers.

One cure for this is to bring an activity you would enjoy doing, such as a frisbee or a soccer ball, and bust it out when you need something to give you a positive focus.

A little more investment, but also a lot of fun, are group games, like 20 questions (How to Play 20 Questions), or Celebrity (Celebrity: How to Play the “Celebrity” Party Game).

For inspiration, you can browse team-building games like these:  17 Fun Icebreaker Games for Adults and see what you could adapt for your gathering.

Villa Kali Ma can assist women with alcohol addiction

At Villa Kali Ma, we’re dedicated to helping women recover from addiction to alcohol, drugs, and self-destructive behaviors. We also treat the underlying deep pain and disconnection that leads women into those traps in the first place – the tragic effects of traumatization and mental and emotional suffering that take so many of us off the path of a joyful life.

We want every woman to thrive and to grow up fully into her true big beautiful self!

Check out our many offerings for women, including inpatient and outpatient treatment options, on our facilities page.

Categories
Earth Day Tips for Mental Health

Earth Day Tips to Honor the Planet and Mental Health

Can we be psychologically healthy, happy, and fulfilled while treating the planet with disrespect? Can we live well without any love in our hearts for Mother Earth?

Do we value the mineral components, the elegant math, the obvious benevolence of the life mysteries that give rise to our physical bodies?

Can we really live any longer without honoring the earth which affords us, that makes it possible to be conscious beings in human bodies at all? What do you think?

We at Villa Kali Ma feel it’s common sense to try to practice deep, loving respect for the natural world. The planet is, as the common wisdom goes, our real mother – the generous, yielding being who births, sustains, and feeds us throughout the entirety of our lives.

From nourishing sunlight to oxygen, to life-giving water, to the many astonishing, fearsome, and adorable kingdoms of creatures we share the planet with – planet Earth is just right for us. Planet Earth gives us all we need for a meaningful life of beauty, inspiration, play, joy, and significance.

Without a happy, healthy planet Earth – without blooming roses, cleansing rains, whale songs, crystal caverns, aloof and secret forests – what would human life be?

What is Earth Day?

Earth Day is a yearly event dedicated to celebrating our beloved home, planet Earth. Started in 1970, Earth Day grew from humble beginnings within the grassroots environmental movement, to now include the participation of almost one billion people annually. Through activities, themes, and awareness campaigns, the day is celebrated globally as a coordinated event involving almost 200 countries around the planet.

Who established Earth Day?

Earth Day was created in the spring of 1970, as a response to protests by nearly twenty million Americans involved in the ecological movement.

Senator Gaylord Nelson, of a sympathetic mindset, founded Earth Day then as a way to acknowledge the voice of the people, and to bring government attention to how we might work together to protect the earth from environmental ravages.

When is Earth Day?

Earth Day is on April 22nd, every year. In 2024, Earth Day falls on a Monday.

Why do we celebrate Earth Day?

The Earth, her ecosystems, and all her lovable inhabitants are excessively harmed by some severely dysfunctional aspects of how human society is ordered. A tiny percentage of the world’s population has an outsized effect on the whole planet.

This small group of unwell people manage to do a lot of damage because they hold the vast majority of the economic and political power. They use their positions to serve themselves, blatantly abusing their power and privilege to make decisions in our name while actually overruling the heart wishes of the majority.

In the guise of corporate entities working in public-private partnerships with government – people who hold office and other less visible functionaries – these unwell people pursue self-serving goals without regard or remorse for the lives of ecosystems, plants, animals, and human beings. The rest of us participate, though we are not asked for our permission.

Now more than ever, our most fundamental need – for a naturally healthy, life-sustaining home planet – is under threat. A great time to take the original spirit of Earth Day into our daily lives!

How can women honor Earth Day with mental health in mind?

Personal mental health and the health of our home planet are two facets of the same diamond. Whenever natural life is supported to bloom and thrive, everybody wins.

As we see it here at Villa Kali Ma, recovery of our own true natures – which means freeing ourselves from the legacy of harm done to ourselves, and our loved ones, getting ourselves out of victim consciousness and into creative authority – is part of being able to stand up against the encroachers and heal the world.

To do that, we must detoxify our minds from poisonous beliefs that told us we are no good, and clean our bodies from the chemicals they sold us.  We need to do the work to heal our emotional wounds and move on to the business of activating our true soul purpose and potential. We do all this so that we can work together to get planet Earth back into the hands of people who will treat her with respect, love, and care.

Any woman who awakens her consciousness to free herself from the inner oppressions of trauma, addiction, and the internalized lies that generate mental illness in our minds and hearts, can become a worthy steward of our planet, one of the ones who knows.

A meditation for Earth Day

Here is a meditation prompt for you to celebrate Earth Day and your mental health together as one. May it bring a little bit of joy to you today, sister!

Begin by preparing your body to meditate, breathing deeply for 12 long, slow breaths.

Bring relaxation to every section of your body, starting with the crown of your head and moving the energy down to your feet. You may want to picture yourself under a hot shower, spreading warm relaxation down your body.

When the body feels pleasantly relaxed, gently bring your focus inward, towards your center. Connect with your core for a few moments. Feel love for yourself. Say hi.

Now start visualizing, imagining seeing yourself, looking at you as though from the outside. See that you seem happy, the happiest you’ve ever been or felt.

Looking at yourself, you see that you are energized, vital, and alive. You are brimming with life. You look loving, soft, open, and grateful, lit up from within like a Christmas light.

Now make the light inside you stronger, like turning up a dimmer switch. As the light intensifies, it illuminates you from inside, and makes you transparent, like a lantern.

Looking at yourself glowing like a lantern, fully transparent with a strong source of light, like a sun, inside you, notice that there are tiny bubbles of light moving upwards and around inside you, like little fizzy-water bubbles of happiness circulating inside your body.

Turn the light up even more. Expand the sun at your core until it takes you over – all of your body inside this light. You are a human-sized star, a small sun.

Now imagine another person, someone you love, comes walking towards you. As they slowly approach, see that the glowing light inside you is reflecting on them, lighting them up, warming them. The closer they get to you, the more lit up they are. The more lit up they are, the more happy and relaxed they seem to be.

As they come within a few feet of you, looking at you in your sun form, see that a small blob of your light leaps from you into the other person, like a sun flare. This sun flare is harmless, but warm and energizing. It is causing them to start to be lit up from the inside too, like a spark from a fire setting them ablaze. This is a friendly, warming, loving light, that brings happiness and health to them.

See them fill up with flames of light. See them smiling, happier than they’ve ever been, glowing, and filled with moving fizzy light particles just like you.

Now imagine many people, crowds slowly walking towards the two of you. As they approach, each of them is affected the same way as you just affected the person you love. The light in you jumps over to gently, lovingly pop them into incandescence, like a light being switched on, or a pilot light on a gas stove.

Each person that you affect, in turn, affects another, so that the crowd of lit people grows ever larger. More and more people pop into lit-up, bubbly, smiling sun star bodies.

Imagine the momentum of this light-ignition of human suns taking over your local area, like popcorn popping now, every person popped into sunny brightness.

From your local area, gradually expand to light up every human who lives in your state. To your whole country. To your continent. See this spreading sunny starlight glowing, connected by every single person in the whole world, 8 billion Christmas tree lights lit up.

See that there is no human being left out of this lighting, the freshest newborn babies and the oldest person alive, are all alight.   

Finally, imagine that each of these happy, fizzy, glowing, smiling, alive, radiant beings is sending their igniting light down into the heart of the planet. See the planet pop into one giant sun of light, too. Stay with this image for a while!

When you’re ready, decide to say goodbye to the image, and allow yourself to return to your ordinary state of consciousness carefully. Wiggle your toes, feel your body, take some breaths, and return to now.

What did you experience?   

Villa Kali Ma helps women be mentally healthy and strong

At Villa Kali Ma, we hold that honoring Earth Day helps us love our own human selves, as we are the Earth’s children.

Loving our own selves helps us be in a condition to at last treat our kind mother, the generous Earth, the way we long to in our most private and true hearts. With proper love and appropriate reverence for the mysteries, with immortal gratitude for the nourishing source that gives rise to our very embodiment!

Does that sound hard? Maybe it is. It’s a lot easier with help, sister! Come work with us, and we can do it together, side by side.

From our inner sun to yours, Happy Mother Earth Day!

Categories
Spring and Mental Health

Spring and Mental Health

Human beings are Earth creatures, assembled from the same materials that the rest of our planet is. Our bodies are tuned to exchange information with the natural world, through transmissions of frequencies.

Just as a wave on the Pacific Ocean ripples energy towards the shores, we are awash in energetic waves, most of which we cannot detect consciously with our ordinary senses.

These waves come in many languages – the imperceptible humming of sunlight, the silent songs of stars located lightyears from us. These vibrations surround us and create our forms.

The natural laws of the physical world are sustained through this constant circulation of energy as waves. The waves carry information – such as the shape of the wave (which rules how it will look to us, what it will sound like to us) – from particle to particle.

We cannot separate our experiences from the communications of the natural world. These waves of information rumble past our synthetic materials, transcend our traumatized nervous systems, and benevolently haunt the halls of our bodies with memories of our natural belonging to the family of all living beings.

We are governed at deep, cellular levels by the same ancient, reliable rhythms and cycles that tell birds when to sing in the morning, trees when to shed their leaves and the wind when and where to blow. Our bodies instinctively respond and relate to nature’s laws.

What is the connection between spring and mental health?

Spring is a season in the solar cycle which affects nature greatly, as everyone knows. It’s a time of invigoration, stimulation, and energizing.

Spring was considered the New Year in ancient civilizations, before the Julian calendar we use today was adopted. Spring is the start of the astrological calendar, which tracks the ancient migrations of visible stars across our night sky. For plants and the animal kingdom, it’s a time of new beginnings.

What happens to us humans in the spring? How does this time of emerging from the inwardness of winter into the outwardness of new leaves spiraling toward the light affect us? What wisdom is captured in the folkloric illness referred to as “spring fever”?

The feverish increase in energy that floods us in spring can show up as a sudden desire to initiate new things, to embark, to begin. Spring fever may show up as moodiness, feelings of intense restlessness, and a loss of balance.

The persistent warming of the sun, the more generous hours, and the greening – all showing us our own capacity for rebirth, our own spiritual fertility – can stir us up, light the fires of yearning deep within, fill our sails with auspicious tailwinds.

Spring is not a time of stability. It is a time of sparks, initiations, and fire. For some of us, it’s when the soul callings and stirrings we swept under the ashes in winter start knocking on our doors with surprising insistence. Projects want to be dreamed up. Locations need to be visited. Ideas need to be acted upon. Love becomes urgent.

For those of us whose spirits are on the mercurial side, spring can be a rough time, of choppy seas, rises and falls, stops and starts. A season of unpredictability and potent activations.

Like all transitions from one phase of life to another, spring can put us in states of wobbly, uncertain vulnerability as we navigate our passage through narrow straits.

What mental health disorders peak during the spring?

The disruptive unrest of spring that shoots up in us naturally can create some practical difficulties in our self-care and mood management. We must keep our heads on straight, and keep our energy and inspiration levels from leading us into paths we know better than to walk.

For people with a history of substance abuse, we need to mind that the carefree, reckless feelings of springtime stay with a kind, patient hand. It’s not wise to give ourselves over to sweeping and sudden urges or forget where we come from. Nature requires respect, after all, for her dangerous side.

Spring is a wonderful time to redouble our efforts at mindfulness, to see if we can witness the riot of life energies inside, without getting pulled into identifying with one or another side of our nature.

For people who are prone to mania, such as those of us with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, it’s important to know that mania has been observed to spike in the spring, bringing an uptick in agitation, impulsiveness, and grandiosity.

For us, springtime should be a time of paying extra attention to compassionately observing our thoughts and moods, using our centering tools, and diligently guiding ourselves to stay seated in the grounding containers of our bodies.

Why do these mental health disorders occur during the spring?

Research into why certain disorders (chiefly mania, addiction, and some variations of seasonal affective disorder) spike in the spring is inconclusive so far. One pet theory is that the natural increase in sunlight combined with the sudden jump in light exposure due to daylight saving stimulates changes in hormone production, sleep, digestion, and all of the laws of the body that are affected by circadian rhythms.

The powerful, life-force-activating effects of the sun’s rays, while positive and healthy for our neurobiology, disrupt our previous balance and raise our level of energy, kind of like a gust of fresh wind that disorders a pile of papers on our desk.

The challenges of springtime may be largely a question of returning to balance again and again, as we integrate the influxes of change. We can think of spring as a time for holding onto our hats in a strong wind, while nature powerfully recharges our bodies, minds, and souls with potent life force energy.

Villa Kali Ma helps women be healthy in body, mind and soul

Here at Villa Kali Ma, we work all day every day on how we can help restore women to flourishing. Every day we investigate how we might work together towards a common good for women. How can we reactivate the vibrant soul fires, natural mental health, creative vitality, and effortless joy of the women of planet Earth?

We take what we’ve verified, through science, study, and hard knocks, and teach it to other women. We work always to recover ourselves and the women we help, from the burdens and shackles of trauma, addictions, and suffering. If this sounds like what you need, give us a call, sister. We’re here in every season.

Categories
Stress Awareness Month

April is National Stress Awareness Month

This April, we invite you to celebrate National Stress Awareness Month along with us here at Villa Kali Ma. Join us as we explore how and why to stay out of the stress zone.

Why is Stress Awareness so important?

Stress is toxic to the body, mind, and heart. It is also bad for relationships, childrearing, and society at large, making us all less empathic, connected, and aware. Stress has many, many negative impacts on human life and is epidemically widespread.

It is a sign of our unwell culture that being stressed out is practically regarded to be a virtue. It’s as though the more busy and unavailable we are – the less time and presence of mind we have – the more we signal to the world how hardworking, responsible, and civic-minded we must be.

We may be effective, dedicated people. It’s also true that those who operate in a state of constant stress are agitated, scattered, disconnected from our empathy and creativity, and tunnel-visioned.

We may be excellent at executing, delivering, and getting things done on schedule. We may hold everything together under great pressure. We may deserve to be saluted, sure, for our hard work and sacrifice!

But while we grind our bodies and souls down in the name of supposed productivity and efficiency, maybe we should take a moment to consider what neuroscience tells us about the biology of stress.

In reality, stressed people are drastically less able to access intelligence, compassion, social awareness, and creativity. People who are in a relaxed, comfortable state, who are regulated in their nervous systems, have access to a greater pool of insight, intelligence, and innovation.

“Stressed” is actually a form of being triggered. Stress is a state of nervous system arousal, or fight-flight-freeze, just like what happens during scary, soul-damaging events.

The connection between daily life stress and traumatic stress, through the use of the word stress, is important. Regular stress, though fluid and episodic, has the same freezing, agitating, and anxiety-inducing effects that, if solidified, turn into one of the most serious mental health epidemics we face as a species.

So join us, friends, in our exploration of dissolving stress!

Three Types of Stress

Stress comes in different degrees, but it always affects the mind, body, and soul negatively to some extent.

There are three categories of stress used to think about levels of stress: Acute Stress, Episodic Acute Stress, and Chronic Stress.

Acute Stress

Acute Stress describes the one-time stress spike that we are all familiar with. If we almost get in a car accident, or almost miss our connecting flight, we might have a stand-alone experience of acute stress.

During acute stress, we suddenly are filled with unpleasant-feeling energization – our hearts pound, our breathing shallows, and quickens, we sweat, and our muscles tense up in preparation for sudden physical action that may be necessary to prevent something bad from happening.

When Acute Stress is over, it’s over. But in order for it to be over, we need a time of restoration and recovery, usually only possible once the danger to which our nervous system was responding with fight-flight-freeze has truly and completely passed.

If we never manage to return to full, total safety – and reset our nervous system, musculature, lungs, heart, and brain chemistry – then we may carry a residue of that stress forward into the future. That lingering feeling of danger is a form of trauma.


Episodic Acute Stress

Episodic Acute Stress starts to develop when we frequently or regularly go into Acute Stress in such a way that it becomes our default state. We may form a habit of responding with stress if we are in a work environment that seems to require it of us, or when faced with challenges that are overwhelming to us.

Very often people start to use substances or numbing behaviors to try to manage the symptoms of Episodic Acute Stress. As Episodic Acute Stress, a habit of being stressed all the time progresses, it may turn into an anxiety disorder.


Chronic Stress

Chronic Stress is the long-term state of stress that is maintained by many in our ill world. It is connected to nervous system exhaustion, stomach disorders, and heart disease, among other illnesses galore.

Chronic Stress results from the accumulation of many smaller stress episodes, over time. Chronic stress rigidifies us into stuck patterns of thinking, feeling, and relating to others that are disconnected and unhappy, and which make us sick in our bodies and souls.

How Can We Manage Stress?

1. Change Your Stress Mindset

The trouble with stress begins with the fact that we believe stress keeps us safe or makes us productive.

When we’re running across the airport trying to get our flight, we think we won’t feel ok again until we catch that flight. As if our life depends on it!

This is also true when we’re trying to get our work done in time for a deadline or speeding across town to pick our child up from school as though we need to be in emergency mode in order for the world to run.

The truth is, no matter what challenges are in front of us, it’s better for those challenges themselves if we return to feelings of peace, goodness, and safety right now in our own bodies through the conscious choice to relax and de-escalate our nervous systems. This is almost always true (true life-or-death emergencies being the exception).

If we want to not be stressed, we will find ways not to be. This choice, to value the state of regulation, comes from the recognition that our child may be mad if we’re late to pick them up, but what our child really needs is our loving, connected humanity and empathic, creative attention.

Bosses will always want us to do more, and faster, but what will actually help them with their jobs, whether they know it or not, is for us to be in a condition where we can perform from the top of our intelligence.

And so, so many things are simply not within our personal control. In these cases, stress does not do a single thing to make that existential fact different. Finally, some outcomes, while achievable through stress, aren’t worth the health damage.

We have to be in charge of ourselves, make our own decisions, and live with the results. Begin with deciding for yourself what energetic mode of living you want to be in, most of the time, and do your best to be in that state, somehow, in some way. It doesn’t have to be black or white – no stress ever – but it can be a radical goal (stress zone more than 25% of your life? Yeah! Go for it!)


2. Practice Stress Awareness

A big part of stress management is pausing to take stock, tuning into our observer awareness of what state we are in at the moment.

The easy part of stress awareness is this: stress feels bad and regulation feels good.
The key question to explore is – how do we feel in our bodies?

Regulation feels wonderful. It doesn’t mean you’re asleep on the massage table, nor are you amped up.

It does mean you can feel your muscles, your weight, your delicious body-ness. It means your breath is soft and full, and you have the presence of spirit to notice the people around you and their vibes. You softly take in the visuals, sounds, and vibrations of the world. Thoughts are easy and clear. Regulation often shows up like a little smile at the corners of your mouth, a flicker of happiness in your heart, just because.

Compare this with the stress state. What state are you in right now? What state do you want to be in? Can you imagine making that your daily priority?


3. Use Tools to Change States

Once we start to notice when we’re stressed or regulated, and how much nicer and fuller our lives feel when we’re regulated, we will naturally start shifting ourselves from stress to regulation, more of the time.

There are many, many tools for practicing shifting gears!

Below are five state-shifting tools we at Villa Kali Ma always recommend:

Five State-Shifting Tools

Lean on Mother Nature

Go outside, even if it’s bad weather. Being outdoors is a nervous system regulator. Just a few minutes of sunshine, fresh air, the sound of rain, and even sensing the sleet or the shiver of snow, help the body retune. Nature reminds the body who it is (and the mind will follow the body).


Breathe

The easiest nervous system hack in the world is to lengthen the out-breath so that it is double the duration of the in-breath. For example, breathe in for a count of four, and breathe out for a count of 8. If you do this ratio of in to out breath for 12 breaths total, your body will trigger the nervous system regulation process. Then you just have to get out of the way of it.

There are many, many other variations of breathwork that will help! Here is a short post on three kinds of helpful breathing.


Walk it Out

Walking provides bilateral stimulation to the nervous system, which is regulating. It is also regulating to move the body in any repetitive, rhythmic way (which walking does naturally). A brief walk of even only 10 minutes will reset your nervous system and create greater feelings of safety, ease, and pleasant sensations in the body. Longer walks are even more regulating!


Make the Body Comfortable

Regulation feels like happiness at the body level. Get in the habit of seeing if there is anything you can do to make the body feel better (though of course, we don’t mean through substances or destructive behavior).

What the body needs might surprise you – it isn’t always to relax more in a couch potato way. The body often wants to stretch, move, mix up the energy, and change the scenery. She might want to get outside, touch something from the real world, or interact with someone face to face. Ask your body what would make her feel good, and listen.


Use Your Imagination

Close your eyes and visualize being in a place that feels great. Maybe you’ve been there in real life, or maybe it’s a place you make up for yourself. Follow the creative power of your imagination to go inward into a picture of safety, pleasantness, and joy. Sitting on a sparkly silver beach under the stars by a crackling bonfire? Walking in a pine-scented forest full of snow? Yes! Whatever feels good.

Villa Kali Ma Can Help You With Your Stress

Here are 3 reasons why we at Villa Kali Ma think stress awareness matters:

  1. Stress is extremely unhealthy for the physical body, and is linked to many serious diseases and causes of death (such as heart disease). But joyful, connected, heart-based, wakeful living is perfectly healthy!
  2. Stress is a major trigger for trauma, mental health imbalances, and addiction relapse. Self-love, becoming who you’re really here to be, and walking positive paths of living are protectors of all that’s unfathomably good and precious in you!
  3. Stress is psychological pollution that affects all of us. Recovery is a gift to all! We are each some spark of the spreading light of waking up that is gradually rising in humanity. Waking up to how wonderful life actually is, in its true, organic expression!

We all have the right and the capacity to remember what we once knew by nature – how to live right. We can help you figure it out, friend.

Categories
Gender-Specific Treatment

The Benefits of Gender-Specific Treatment

What is Gender-Specific Treatment?

Treatment of drug and alcohol addiction can be significantly more effective when women and men are separated into same-sex cohorts, sort of like all-boys or all-girls schools.

Being placed in a cohort of peers of your same-sex has many positive impacts on recovery, especially for women.

When sharing vulnerably about the deep hurts that give rise to self-damaging behaviors, it is helpful to be among our gender, at least for certain chapters and phases of our recovery lives.

Gender-specific treatment programs like Villa Kali Ma’s are built to take into account the differences in life experiences that generally exist between men and women.

For example, many more women than men have experienced sexual assault, incest, and childhood sexual abuse. Certain co-occurring mental health issues, like self-harm and eating disorders, occur more frequently in women, as well.

Independent of specific trauma history or diagnosis, each woman has a personal understanding of what it’s like to be a woman in a man’s world, and all that that entails for us. Likewise, many topics that affect men would be harder for men to share in the presence of women.

Recovery thrives in an environment of sisterly or brotherly love, rather than romantic, sexual, or even marital love, which tends to be more complicated and fraught. The cure for the loneliness of addiction is in fellowship, belonging to a community of peers.

For women in early recovery, our complicated feelings, wounds, desires, and preoccupations about the opposite sex get in the way of our ability to focus on recovery. Wounds around the topic of men are present for women who are not attracted to them as sexual partners, too. (Though the LGBTQ+ community may find they feel even greater support among similarly-identifying recovering addicts. There are LGBTQ+ specific AA meetings offered in many cities for this purpose, which can be attended as supplemental support).

In sum, it is generally more protective for women starting or restarting their healing path to be in an all-female space, where they can learn what it’s like to be supported as a woman, by women.

What are the benefits of gender specific treatment?

Gender-specific treatment offers many benefits that positively support treatment goals like sobriety, healing of traumatization, and stabilization of mental health.

Gender-specific treatment is usually more tailored and more customizable to each woman’s experience and has special recognition of the types of underlying issues that feed into an addiction pattern.

1. Addresses Gender Specific Topics

In the case of women, sexual trauma is a huge topic, so a gender specific treatment program will be ready to address the sexual traumatization that is so likely to be a factor.

Topics like motherhood, financial independence, and domestic violence are also of high importance in gender specific treatment for women.

In general, women often have safety needs to address and are vulnerable in a way that is specific to women.

Facilities that are dedicated exclusively to the treatment of women, like Villa Kali Ma, will naturally focus more on topics that are important for women to be safe and to recover their power to protect, love, and care for themselves.


2. Improved Relatability About Substance Use

One key part of recovery is shared experience, and relating to one another. Through the mechanism of holding up a mirror to each other, we are able to recognize the presence and influence of addiction affecting us.

For an addict starting her recovery, it’s important to hear many stories in which we recognize ourselves. When we have that “Yeah, me too” moment, that relating is what helps build the bond of community connection.

The bond of relating not only helps us feel less alone but helps us recognize the real danger of the foe we are collectively facing, in part through seeing it reflected in another person’s life. Through this mechanism of relating to one another about a specific kind of experience, we can also be spared many tragedies that might have affected our lives too, if we kept going with our disease.

For women who are sober now, it’s an important part of staying sober to regularly hear about, and bear compassionate witness to, the pain and negative consequences affecting another woman because of alcohol or drugs. In this way we also remember the adage, “There for the grace for God go I”- that could be me, too, if it weren’t for my sobriety.

In the case of recovery from drugs and alcohol, men and women tend to have rather different patterns of use. A lot of times men and women won’t relate to each other as strongly, in terms of shared experiences and recognition of addiction at work in our lives.

Generally, women’s substance abuse may appear to be less overtly, and problematic than men’s, as it tends to be less externalized in visible ways. Men are twice as likely to engage in binge drinking than women. Women are less likely to become violent when they drink, to get in physical fights or car crashes than men are.

While men often relate to using drugs or alcohol to deal with issues relating to anger and aggression, women may relate more to using drugs and alcohol specifically as a way to cope with fear, panic, and anxiety (a disorder that is diagnosed much more often in women than men). Women are also more likely to become addicted to prescriptions that suppress the symptoms of anxiety and trauma, such as sedatives.

In the end, these differences can impact the ability to relate and recognize addiction at play in one’s own life, and to also connect to the emotions, thoughts, and stories that are shared in recovery circles.

Being in a group of women who all know what it is like to be addicted to substances and to face the many challenges specifically associated with being a woman in this world, can powerfully amplify the feeling of unity.


3. Better Relatability in General

Beyond relating about the actual patterns of use – sharing stories like “I once did this while under the influence…” – it’s also an important part of recovery to just deeply relate to the underlying emotions, thought patterns, and even societal roles we have borne because these wounds and burdens are directly related to how and why we use substances.

Here again, men and women are different, facing different kinds of challenges and using different strategies for coping. For example, only women know what pregnancy is like, how menstruation affects our mood, and how important emotions and close bonds of relationship are to our sense of identity.

Only women know first-hand the special pain associated with being valued primarily for our appearances. Women experience the invisibility around emotional nurturing we tend to provide automatically for others. Women who have tried their hand at leadership or competing in a male-dominated field understand the ways that women’s authority is resisted in the world.

Among women we understand better the special challenges of dual roles, having to be sexually attractive to all men, and participate in sex whether we want to or not, but on the other hand not be too promiscuous or sexually empowered. We know what it is like to be groomed from birth to be tolerant of all manner of body boundary breaches, and yet never, under any circumstances, be seen getting angry.

The wounds that exist in women’s relationships with each other – the hidden competition, the mean girl social trauma we may carry, tend to be largely comprehended only by another woman, who knows just what we’re talking about.

All in all, certain aspects of a woman’s path to healing may be best supported by a period of time spent in a communal healing effort, by and for women.

Villa Kali Ma Offers Gender Specific Treatment for Addiction, Trauma, and Mental Illness

At Villa Kali Ma, our treatment programs are all gender-specific. We exist specifically to serve women.

We specialize in healing, re-empowering, unearthing joy, and restoring the rights of all women, everywhere, to be our true selves here in this world, freed from the heartbreaking pain of addiction, trauma, and mental illness.

Categories
Family therapy

Alcohol and Relationships

For many women, relationships are at the center of our lives. Partners, children, family, friends, and community are sources of meaning, joy, and purpose.

Being there for our loved ones, strengthening bonds of connection over time, playing, and even showing up for the hard stuff nourishes our hearts. The peaks and valleys of our lives – the reasons we have to laugh, be comforted, and try again – are almost always connected in one way or another to the loved ones in our lives.

Of course, women suffer in our relationships too. The lifelong balancing act between union with others and the need to be authentic generates a lot of rich, interesting tension. Boundaries are fertile ground for an alchemy of forces that meet with unpredictable results.

But overall, the relationship space is usually something we are willing to show up and struggle for. The value of connection, closeness, kinship, loyalty, and togetherness is something we cannot deny, so we try our best even when it’s hard.

What are the impacts of alcoholism on relationships?

Many kinds of harm can erode the bonds of affection through which we are linked to others. One key trouble that affects many women in their relationships is alcoholism.

Alcoholism, or any substance addiction, has a devastating impact on our ability to give and receive love. Addiction atrophies the fibers of connection between people, resulting in isolation. Worse, it tangles us up in knots of enmeshed, unhealthy dynamics.

The impacts of alcoholism and other addictions on relationships have been well documented. Since the start of the 12-step recovery movement almost a century ago, there have been healing groups offered both for the people who have the addiction and for their intimate partners and loved ones.

Why is it that a support group is needed not only for the people manifesting the physical symptoms of addiction but also for their loved ones? It’s because addiction affects everyone who has a relationship with the addicted person. In almost all cases, the people closest to the addict develop a kind of illness, called codependency.

What is alcohol addiction’s impact on family finances?

One impact that addiction has on a family is to be detrimental to finances. Alcohol and other drugs cost money, and the priority an addict places on procuring the substance over everything else can be a significant financial weight.

A person who should be a team player on the side of her family becomes a draw on the family resources. With time she is less able to contribute positively to the family abundance.

In addition to eating up an unfair amount of the family budget, addiction creates other costs, in the form of lost jobs, healthcare (including, but not only, treatment for their addiction), and legal fees.

Frequently, the addicted person makes poor financial decisions when under the influence, and may go on spending sprees or gamble. She may use savings set aside for children or other family members’ needs for addiction-related matters.

Addiction makes even the most kind-hearted person selfish and self-destructive, undermining our ability to delay gratification and act in ways that serve the interests of our family.

What is the connection between alcohol abuse and marital problems?

Substance abuse brings marital strife. Typically, the non-addicted partner in a marriage is understandably distressed to witness and be affected by their partner’s downward spiral.

When there are children involved, the non-addicted partner struggles to protect the children from the many negative impacts of the disease, as well.

A partner to an addict has to cope with addiction’s many trust-destroying, hurtful effects on the relationship. Things like broken promises and betrayals, dysfunctional ways of relating (such as denial of the truth and consequences of the addict’s behavior), and nasty, abusive treatment are commonplace.

Most partners get pulled into trying to manage or heal the behaviors of the person who is caught up in an addictive cycle. In some cases, the affected partner may make excuses for, and clean up after the addict, feel compelled to hide the truth from the outside world, and even ask their children to tolerate behavior or keep family secrets. In other words, the partner of an addict is pulled into a very difficult dance of shame and helplessness themselves.

What are the impacts of alcoholism on children?

The effects of alcoholism on children are tragic and long-lasting. Children are very vulnerable and whatever goes on in their home life during formative years necessarily sets the stage for the rest of their lives.

The presence of addiction in a family system, if untreated, all but guarantees that the psychological wounding that almost certainly underlies the parents’ use of substances in the first place will be passed on directly to the children as well.

Children who grow up in a family where one or more of the adults have substance abuse problems will sustain trauma of some kind.

Although in their hearts people with addiction love their children and mean no harm, it is impossible for people who are addicted to substances to provide the full spectrum of physical, emotional, and relational needs for children to grow up with a healthy sense of themselves and their place in the world.

Children who grew up in families where addiction was present struggle with lifelong low self-esteem, shame, feelings of guilt, over-responsibility, and tendencies to partner up with people who will further invalidate their emotional needs for safety and dignity. The lack of boundaries, attention, care, and appropriate emotional connection that they experienced in childhood will feel like “love” to them, and it can take a lot of emotional and psychological work to evolve beyond the glass ceiling set by the base reality they grew up with.

Adult children of alcoholics, or ACOAs, are at risk of becoming addicts themselves and also of marrying addicts when they grow up.

What is the connection between alcohol misuse and domestic violence?

There are many connections between alcohol abuse of other substances and domestic violence. Although alcoholism does not necessarily lead to domestic violence, in a majority of domestic violence situations, alcohol addiction or another substance addiction is involved.

Tendencies towards violence, abuse, and in general, uncontrolled impulses and displays of aggression are aggravated by substances and addiction. Alcohol can turn someone who might have otherwise been able to keep their aggression in check into a frightening abuser.

Treatment for families struggling with alcoholism

It is highly supportive for families with addiction to receive some kind of support for everyone in the family.

Addiction is a family disease, so everyone in the family system needs help. It’s important to understand though, that non-addicted people in the family will have a hard time recognizing that they are involved in the addiction. It will seem to everyone in the family system as though it’s the addict who is the problem, and there may be a lot of understandable feelings of resentment in the beginning.

While it’s important that the addicted person is held accountable for the truth of their impact, it’s also important to understand that families can only heal when the other members of the family are supported to be responsible for holding boundaries of safety around themselves and to also stop participating in any enabling behavior which makes it easier for the addict to stay ill.

What is uncovered in family therapy is always a surprise, which ultimately leads to transformative healing all around. Family members are brought closer and made stronger than ever as a unit, as they are led to discover how each loved one has been holding a piece of the family’s heartache.

It’s also important to know that family therapy for addiction is probably the most powerful thing that can be done to combat addiction. The more family members can commit and show up for family therapy, the better. Family therapy can be shorter term, and a lot can be accomplished in a few sessions with some basic goodwill and love among the family members. However, it only works with a sincere desire to recover, all around.

Villa Kali Ma helps women with addiction and relationships

At Villa Kali Ma, women are our specialty. We know how important matters of the heart are, and how addiction hurts our hearts and the hearts of those we love most.

We at Villa Kali Ma are here to help teach paths of healing to women, the tried and true ways that nurse broken hearts back to health and reunite us in the relationships we’ve always valued, even when we didn’t know how to do it right.

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