A Guide to Staying Sober During the Holidays

The holidays are notoriously stressful. Stress weakens our immunity, not only physically, but also emotionally, mentally, and energetically. We don’t feel as stable, and outside influences affect us more.

Being around more people than we’re used to, people we haven’t seen in a while, people who are drinking, or people we associate with difficult feelings and experiences from the past, are all ways that our sobriety can be tested. There’s nothing wrong with being close with people, of course, but as recovering addicts we need an extra shield around our energy.

When we travel from our home base, have people staying with us, or participate in seasonal gatherings, there’s a greater possibility of unexpected encounters, surprise events, and other ways we can get distracted and derailed from our intentions.

Depending on our personal history, the relative consciousness levels of our family of origin, and when in the year certain events that hurt us in the past took place, the holidays can be a yearly chance to revisit our core wounds and life themes.

It is a natural effect of the darkening hours and the holidays’ position as a marker of a year’s end, that we may arrive at the holidays already feeling a bit tired out from all we have been working hard to accomplish during the year, including our work we put in for our sobriety. It is a potential risk factor to keep in mind, that we are just plumb tired before the holidays even begin.

Tell someone right away that you’re triggered to drink or use. Ideally, call a sponsor, or a stably sober recovery friend. To prepare in advance for using this tool, have several numbers in your phone already. It helps even just to leave a voicemail.

The next best thing is tell someone near you. “I am experiencing cravings to drink but I don’t want to, I want to be sober.” It is the truth itself, and your willingness to tell on the addict within you, to disregard embarrassment and ego and fight for your life instead, which will save you.

Leave the room, or maybe even the whole event. If the substance you are addicted to is there, and you’re tempted to use, just leave. No one can put that substance in your body but you, if you’re not there, it won’t happen.

Get to the next possible meeting. Remember you can tune in to an online meeting from your phone while sitting in the car if you need to.

Combat the trigger by changing your body state, right away. The fastest thing you can do is vigorous exercise for a few moments, like jumping jacks, high-knee running in place, push-ups, or squats. Do this until you’re sweaty and out of breath. Don’t hurt yourself, but spend your physical energy and change your state.

It’s important to get out of the head and into the here and now. The physical world can help you – splashing cold water on your face, stepping outside and taking several breaths of fresh air, and so on.

This trick, called 54321, is also handy:

Look around you and name 5 things you can see, with an adjective of some kind: (Turquoise lamp, bushy palm tree, shiny water bottle…).

Listen for 4 things you can hear (soft-sounding wind in the trees, regular ticking of my watch…)

Touch 3 different material things (cool tabletop, fuzzy sweater…)

Smell 2 different things (sparkly lemon peel…)

Taste 1 thing (sweet water…)

The program works, as they say, if you work it. One way to make sure we do in fact work it is to pre-commit to a number of days, tell a bunch of people you’re doing that (so you can’t back out without awkwardness), and then follow through and actually do it.

If you don’t have a sponsor yet, get one. A temporary sponsor will work. If you absolutely cannot find one, co-sponsor with a recovery buddy. The point is to check in daily, even if only for 5 minutes, to couch each day in sobriety-prioritizing terms.

Through therapy, groups, meetings, and friendships, triple up on emotional support this season. Share your feelings even when you don’t think you’re having any.

We highly recommend that you make a season-specific self-care plan that covers not only meetings and emotional support, but also diet, exercise, sleep, and sober fun. Get out your calendar for the month of December, and start breaking it down into weeks and days, making a realistic but still abundant plan of self-loving.

Go to at least one sober party, do an activity you wouldn’t normally bother to do (ice skating? bowling?) with sober friends. You can initiate. It shouldn’t need to cost a lot – for example, you can try a new recipe for some seasonal cookies, buy yourself and your friends some stickers, make holiday cards together. Make it feel festive and fun, as best you can.

We know not everyone loves AA, and we do understand why and how that is. But the fact is, it works. You don’t have to love AA, you don’t even have to connect all that much with the people who go there (though we know you will, eventually, if you keep going) – what you have to do, to have any kind of a life worth living, is stay sober! So rely on AA for what it’s good at – helping people stay sober. Do this every single day. Daily meetings, daily sponsor contact, daily outreach to newcomers, daily time spent doing step work, all of these are powerful sobriety protectors.

Your body is where your life is happening. Take care of it. Nourish it with healthy foods that are full of nutrients, water it, and rest it adequately. Exercise it. Soak it in the bath. Rub oils into it. Let it wiggle its toes in a material that feels good. Make sure its socks are warm. Treat it like your favorite pet.

When you love the body well, you have a much, much better chance of being happy, and therefore, having no interest whatsoever in returning to a life of misery. Do something for your body that feels like a treat and makes the body happy, every day.

Use the creative voice you have been given, to express the take on life that is yours alone. It doesn’t need to be different than anyone else’s truth, it just needs to be true for you. The benevolent, loving forces of life love it when you dig deeper into the specialness of exactly who you are. Say something that’s true for you personally, every single day.