Category: Thought Tools

The diagnosis Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a fascinating one. In its clinical form, when we have it to the extent it disrupts our lives extensively, it’s pure misery. To live enslaved to appeasing our own fearful thoughts with little, semi-magical actions is no way to live. 

Like all of the diagnoses listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, however, OCD is only an exaggerated version of something we all have, every single one of us. We can use OCD as a mirror into our own minds, as we all hold all of the diagnoses in us, somewhere. 

In OCD patterning, a person’s thoughts are captured by terrible fears combined with insistent commands to take specific actions that the sufferer believes are the only way to relieve the fears. The actions are the compulsions that the OCD-diagnosed person feels bound to.

How Good are we at Disobeying Bad Thoughts?

All humans have anxiety, and it is normal to respond to that inner pressure by engaging in behaviors that help release our anxiety. When this mechanism works correctly, anxiety tells us we have something we should pay attention to that relates to our safety, then effective action is taken to address the danger. Our anxiety and anxiety-driven behaviors help us to have a psychological experience that we are safe and in control. 

In the case of a person with OCD, however, they are unable to have any lasting sense of feeling safe. They are driven to repeat behaviors over and over, without being able to feel a sense of relief or true safety. 

The suffering of those with OCD helps us inquire of ourselves, too, how good are we really at ignoring the commands of our own negative thoughts? How good are we at refusing to comply with irrational, superstitious, or self-punishing urges that arise in us? How are we doing at discerning which thoughts are positive, which are true, which are life affirming?

Evaluating Thoughts

One helpful lens is to always ask the body, how does this thought feel. If a thought feels bad to the body, it might not be true. We do have to look out for hearing what we want to, spiritual bypassing, and polyanna-ish thinking, but in general we can trust the gut to assess the quality of our thoughts by sensing their vibrational tone.

Another helpful tip is to personify. Imagine a thought is spoken out loud by a person outside your head. Who is saying it? Who would say this type of thing? What type of person, and why would they say it? How do they look, how do they seem? Do you like them? Are they on your side? 

Keeping with this way of assessing, do you want to listen to them? Do you like how they live their lives, do you personally want to live in the same way? If not, perhaps we should say thank you, I hear you, but I’m going to do something else right now. 

Powering up Inner Civil Disobedience

The truth is that most of us find it quite hard to disobey the commands of our own thoughts, especially when the thoughts are loud, demanding and negative. Negative thoughts often motivate us to take actions, if only to make the unpleasant message finally go away (we hope).

I believe it is our duty to disobey inner commands if they represent the tyranny of those who are/that which is not in favor of human heart and connection. That force, and those who embody, express and serve it in their choices, are not the boss of me, as the childhood saying goes. 

I do not consent to be ruled by those who use fear to corral, command, and control the beautiful, wild, spirited heart of the human being. I say no to being ruled by false authorities for me, and for all of us. 

Two Tips for distinguishing Bad Thoughts from the Still, Small Voice

1. The Still, Small Voice (the voice of spirit and truth in you) does not use manipulation, bossiness, commands, threats, bribes, sales pitches, or flattery. Truth doesn’t need any of things, and doesn’t require us to comply with it for it to still be so.

If you get the sense that a voice within you is pushing you towards something, find out why. What’s the payoff? What need does this voice express? The need may be valid in the end, but there are ways to do it that don’t involve being enslaved to our own thoughts, run around like a beaten horse hitched to a wagonful of unexamined burdens. 

To know why we take the actions we do, is freedom itself. Free will, free choice, requires understanding why we are doing what we are doing. 

2. Journal on the following: Which of my daily actions are meant as offerings to appease the anxiety created by my fear-based thought system? Do these really work to address the problem at hand, or do they only make me feel safer and better in the moment? Am I superstitious? Am I compulsive? Do I fear punishment for my sins? Do I engage in any symbolic sacrifices or rituals that are actually about harming or punishing myself, hoping this wards off danger? If so, what danger? What does the still small voice have to say about that? 

In certain circles, the ego is considered a bad thing. The word is treated like an epithet, a way to throw shade on someone, as in the phrase “he has a huge ego.” 

Even worse, the ego is frequently belittled and dismissed. The term may be used as a way to diminish or brush aside a person’s point of view (often one’s own). As in, “I want more recognition, respect and attention…but that’s just my ego.”

Don’t Force Ego into the Shadows (or It Will Come Back to Haunt You)

Diminishment of ego is not wise for a couple of reasons. For one thing, the ego is far, far heftier than we might imagine, and it’s not wise to merely dismiss or cast aside one’s adversary on the spiritual path as though that won’t come back to haunt us. 

In shadow work terms, we know that what we repress, we do at our own peril, as that which we refuse to deal with will grow bigger and stronger in darkness until one day it comes at us as a surprise, packing a powerful punch. 

Any aspect of our consciousness that we reject or devalue will come back twofold, and in a form we especially do not appreciate. If we do not accept its blessings, ego will come back as a curse. 

Ego Could Be in Your Corner!

There is also a missed opportunity when we take any aspect that’s baked into human experience and think it’s all bad and just try to avoid it.

While acknowledging everything about ego that is troublesome – that it is, by nature, selfish, self-serving, self-absorbed, obsessed, blind, with a tendency towards narcissism – it isn’t inherently bad! Ego turns toxic because we often don’t allow it to do its job out in the open. 

Ego is here to help us navigate through the world, specifically through seeing to it that we get our needs met, and occasionally fighting for that, when necessary. Ego is supposed to be self-centered – that’s the whole point of ego. 

Ego, when allowed to do its job, is an inner advocate, one who says to us, “I’m going to make sure you get what you need in life, to be able to bring your gifts to this plane of existence.” Ego is, in that sense, a wonderful energy to have in your corner. 

Grant Limited Powers to Your Ego

Ego ideally is not permitted to rule one’s life. If ego is allowed to run the show entirely, we will end up in the throes of addiction or otherwise far from spirit.  It can, however, serve in a more advisory role to spirit, or other higher, more love-based parts of us. 

Ego can be consulted about what it knows best: what I want, why I want it, and why it matters in terms of the world “out there”. 

Throw Ego a Bone: Get to the Root of your Ego’s Desires

In a spirit of making peace with your ego, check in with yours through this exercise. Let ego speak honestly and don’t judge. 

Step One: Admit What Would Gratify Your Ego 

Write a list of things that would deeply gratify your ego. Things like awards, accolades, someone’s respect, even revenge might show up here. Don’t hide your ego from yourself, it’s ok, we all have one too. 

Start each sentence with “My ego would really love it if…” 

Step Two: Seven Times Down the Rabbit Hole of Your Ego’s Desires

For each of the desires you identified, ask why your ego would want that, 7 times total on the same desire to dig a little deeper. Each time you ask “why do you want that, dear ego?”, answer with another clear statement of ego’s wants: “I want that thing because I want this other thing…”

Like so:

My ego would love it if I had better skin.  

Why do you want better skin?

Then I’d be pretty. 

Why do you want to be pretty? 

Well…I feel like I’d just be better. 

Why do you want to be better? 

And so on. 

Ask why at least seven times, digging deeper to the root of the desire, or until the ego runs out of deeper reasons (but don’t give up before you have an insight). 

Step Three:

Highlight and reflect on any surprises, or hidden real reasons behind the ego’s desires. What does it tell you about who you really are on the inside? Which needs is your ego particularly preoccupied with getting met? Do you approve of that need? If so, could you help your ego meet that need in some way? Can you throw your ego a bone once in a while? 

Thanks for reading!