When we get sober, many women discover that the outer shell of our addiction has been covering over a quaking, quivering inner mess. A whole biosphere of uncontained vulnerabilities, aches, longings, dreams, and urges comes to light when the addiction is peeled back. Without the modulating effects of mind- and mood-altering substances, many of us feel we are at the mercy of inner and outer forces that bother, bully, terrify and overwhelm. For example, leaden thoughts may weigh us down.

On other days, relentless tormenting fears whip us into an anxious frenzy. We get taken over by episodes of rage or invaded by jealousy. On the other hand, we may feel deadened and numb, plagued by skin-crawling restlessness, haunted by emptiness. To be honest, sometimes it feels impossible to be alone with yourself, even for a moment, without some help softening the glare, turning down the volume, or dampening the pain. That is ok. It is not our fault.

If we have a chronic self-ache – if being in our own skin is difficult – it is natural that we need help turning that place into a more enjoyable place to be. The question is, what do we reach for to help us? In the past, drugs and alcohol helped us keep a lid on all these chaotic, painful experiences. It helped us do what we needed to do to get by. It helped us be social and pleasant, facilitated our work, overrode our insecurities.

Maybe it let us fall asleep at night, assisted us in tolerating the terror of abandonment or trauma memories brought up by being in relationships. It dulled our sharp edges and turned the dial up on our pleasure and happiness. For a good long while, our addiction may have helped us survive and accomplish the task of being in the world, despite all the aches, urges, pressures, and needs we had to manage.

By the time we check into rehab for help, though, we’ve begun to see that the solution of addiction is a problem of its own, a problem way bigger than the original self-ache it was meant to solve. Although in the beginning substances made everything better, in the end, addiction made everything worse. So, we commit to stopping the destructive, depleting cycle of addiction. Now what? What happens to our self-ache? Our first days without our shell, we may feel like a hermit crab that left one house behind but has yet to find the next.


Luckily, we have ourselves, our community of other recovering people, and those benevolent forces of life that are on our side and want to help us heal. And we have SMART Recovery Tools. As a way of empowering women to experience a more stable, safe, soft inner world, Villa Kali Ma runs a weekly group called SMART Recovery Tools. As the name suggests, it is meant to be practical.

In this group we explore on-the-spot interventions to change our state of being. We learn how we can transition ourselves from conditions of mind, body, and soul that feel too uncomfortable to manage, to states that we can tolerate. We practice softening, easing, releasing, relaxing, holding, witnessing, and transforming our experiences in the moment to something that we can better get through.

There is a saying that it is easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world. The SMART Recovery Tools group is about sewing a pair of slippers, learning how to create feelings of safety, peace, stability, and simple pleasure in our own personal sphere. It is also about learning how to survive and get through those times when we aren’t able to feel safe and soft, and we are actively feeling the discomfort of our difficult emotions, painful thoughts, challenging body sensations, and demanding urges.

While all programs and groups at Villa Kali Ma teach SMART Recovery Tools in one way or another, this group is dedicated specifically to assembling a personalized toolbox of effective SMART Recovery Tools and coping strategies to use on the spot, right when a distressing moment happens. To effectively help women navigate their way through modulating difficulties and learning how to love being in their own skin, SMART Recovery Tools were created on the foundation, wisdom, and exercises from:

As opposed to the downward-spiraling tool of drugs and alcohol, the SMART Recovery Tools that you will learn are upward spiraling, life-enhancing, life-expanding practices that will help us feel better and better over time. Come join us at Villa Kali Ma.

I don't believe it to be an exaggeration to say that Villa Kali Ma saved my life.
I couldn't have asked for a better environment to heal and redirect onto a path towards true living.


This place completely changed my life. I needed a drastic change from the typical recovery environment in order to stay sober long-term. I can honestly say that I love who I am today and I am forever grateful for Villa Kali Ma!


I am so grateful I found Villa Kali Ma, it has truly changed my life. Kay is awesome and the entire team who works there is absolutely amazing. If you need treatment, I highly recommend making this the start to your recovery.


Villa Kali Ma is an in-network provider with Anthem BCBS, Multiplan, First Health, and an authorized
out-of-network provider with TRICARE accepting most PPO plans or out-of-network benefits.
Call (760) 814-8214 for information on cost and payment options.